Words are Weapons
by tiggerz.1
Summary: Chelsea was running from a past that ended up catching up to her. a miscarriage, a troubled past, a corrupt family and then there is Jax can she make up for lost time or will her past push her to the edge once again. Jax/OC
1. Why Did You Come Back

**{I do not own the Sons of Anarchy I only own my OC and what ever you don't recognize. Comment, like and follow please it all counts to me.}**

I haven't lived a particularly easy life. I ran away from Charming just to get dragged right back into it by my god forsaken mother. She owed a huge debt to Darby and when she passed he came looking for me to finish repaying that debt, he gave me an ultimatum. Either I came and worked for him at his strip club or I loose everything and my brother would be included in that. I haven't talked to my brother in years not after what I did to him but I still cared and I knew Darby would go out on his word and I couldn't let that happen.

"Hey Chelsea? Have you seen the bottoms to my cowgirl outfit? I swear I placed it right here." Annabelle pointed to her station

I briefly looked over at her and shook my head continuing to add my make up on. "Damn I'll do another double check in the clothing room."

The moment she shimmied her way out I finished putting my make up on. I hated it I really did but Darby insisted on the makeup said it made the difference between his special ladies and the whores. Apparently the whores were supposed to plaster it on like a Barbie doll and for the special ladies, as he calls me, we wear makeup not paint. I never liked wearing makeup I had naturally rosy cheeks, bright blue eyes like the Atlantic ocean and my dirty blonde hair was unique in the way it looked like it was light brown with honey blonde highlights everywhere but was all natural and not dyed. I am about five foot five with an hourglass shape with c cup breasts and a slightly bigger ass. I was just standing up fixing my nurse outfit snapping up the front of my coat and got ready to leave when Asher walked in. I looked at him through the mirror. "Hey Darby wants to see you before you go on stage." Asher grumbled

I sighed but complied and walked with him out into the club and into the back where his office was. Ignoring all the lustful eyes that shot my way. Once I got to his door Asher opened it and motioned for me to step in. Darby was sitting behind his desk, feet prompt up on the desk reading over a piece of paper. He didn't even look up when I stepped in just motioned for Asher to close the door. I stood there awkwardly for a few minutes before he gave a low growl and stood up throwing the paper on the desk and stepped around his desk leaning on the front of it before he spoke. "Chelsea. We have some guests that will be arriving at the club that you normally don't see here. They should be arriving shortly so you're not going on stage today I want you to pay attention to these guest. Special attention."

He pushed himself off the desk and slowly walked towards me pushing me against the wall, running one hand down my arm and the other cupping my chin forcing me to look at him. "So go back touch that face put on that," he bite down on his lip and let a grin slide across his smug face. "Sexy two piece you wore on the first day you were here and shimmy your sexy ass over to my guests and show them a good time got it?"

I nodded my head and went to move out of the office but he grabbed my arm pulling me back making sure I looked him straight in the eye. Giving me the warning with his eyes, the cost of disobeying him. Once I felt him release his grip on my arms again I made my move for the door and straight to the back trying to put as much distance between us as possible.

The moment I made it to the clothing room I felt the tears leave my eyes as I struggled to pull myself together and tried to find the outfit Darby wanted me to wear. Once I found it I put it on. The top was a black bikini and pink ties over the breast and a black and pink skirt almost like a short school girl skirt and a pair of polka dot stiletto heels with a black bow at the back. I whipped my tears away just as Asher came in announcing our guest's arrival.

I walked out and strutted out towards the table Asher pointed out to see none other than members of SAMCRO sitting and Clay was talking with Darby. I instantly stopped walking and started to panic my past with them wasn't exactly left on good terms or at least not with their VP. I just disappeared after being six months pregnant running from my life and what I did to my brother the life I brought him into just to miscarry but Jax didn't know that no one did. But once Darby saw me there was no going back and he motioned me over. I debated about running but when they all looked at me and no one seemed to recognize me I slowly made my way over. Once I made it to Darby he wrapped his arm around my waist and announced. "This is my special lady I've been telling you all about. This is Ch—"

I interrupted him immediately. "Hey guy's I'm Silver and I'll be at your service all evening."

I added a wink behind it and blew a kiss. That got a few of the member's attention and Darby shot me a curious glance but kept up the pleasantries. "Right...Silver why don't you go get these gentlemen a drink they must be parched but, hurry back."

I nodded and took all of their orders and started to make my way to the bar making sure I moved my ass to get all their attention. What I didn't see though was that Jax stub out his cigarette and excuse himself while making his way in the same direction that I did. Once I got to the bar I leaned over to tell the bartender the order and before I could lean back from the counter someone's hands landed on my hips pulling me back to him, he leaned forward and whispered in my ear. "How long have you been back in town Chelsea? Couldn't stop by and say hi for old times sake?"

I turned around to face him trying to put space between us but all I managed to do was have him pin me more into the counter leaning forward so our faces where inches away anger evident in his eyes. "Jax I can explain."

"Explain what Chels how you left with our baby still inside you. How you abandoned everyone here when they... no when I needed you the most. I can't believe you came back here and for what? To be Darby's bitch his whore."He growled the last word with disgust

The tears started to brim my eyes, this what he thought of me and I deserved it. I opened my mouth to explain when Asher showed up behind Jax placing a hand on his shoulder. When Jax turned around to bark something at Asher I took my chance to run. I ignored Jax's and Darby's yells for me to come back and just ran. I didn't know where I was going just that I had to get out of there. Jax didn't understand I didn't leave or abandon him I left because I had no choice.


	2. Lies and Broken Hearts

**{I don't own the sons of anarchy only my own character and anything you do not recognize. Anything in italics is in Jax's view and please comment, like and follow it all means a lot to me}**

_(Jax p.o.v)_

_I didn't know that she was back in town and it was infuriating me that she didn't tell me let alone that she was here working for him. As I watched her run out of the club I was getting ready to run back after her but, that's what I did for two years and besides I had Wendy now and my new baby that was on the way. But I still felt that familiar pull with her. Just as I was yelling at her to come back I heard Darby in the background yelling after her to, and using her real name caused something in me to snap. He didn't have the right to have her here and he didn't have the right to even know her. I turned around and stomped over to him, grabbing him by his muscle shirt and shoved him into the wall beside our table and punch him right in the nose, breaking it in the process. "Whoa Jax calm down buddy what's going on?" Tig asked from behind me trying to pull me away from Darby_

_I shoved Tig away and glared at him before I turned my attention back to Darby. "What is she doing here Darby, you didn't tell me this surprise of yours was my ex?" I sneered at him_

_"What the hell do you mean? Chelsea? She works here why else would she be here."_

_"She is done you hear me?"_

_"Well I can't exactly do that you see."_

_I started him down, he was holding his nose in his hand in an attempt to stop the bleeding. I shoved his hand away and grabbed his nose, pulling on it and once I got a long enough painful cry from him I shoved my face in front of his, "No you see, she is done here or we are done, OUR deal is done. Next time I come in here and she is here, your nose, "I grabbed his nose again just so he understood, "Will be the last thing that needs to be fixed understand? Now where is she?"_

_"I don't know."_

_I squeezed his nose again. "Ow okay okay she lives just a few minutes from here down the hill till the end of the block and it's the small house on the corner."_

_I gave his nose one more good squeeze before I let go and I walked past the now quiet and watchful club, giving Clay a look that said I was leaving and walked out to my bike._

_(End of Jax p.o.v)_

I had been walking for about 10 minutes in this cold blasted weather. It was late December and as much as I was hating my life before I now really hated it. I wrapped my arms around my barely covered body and rubbed them slightly. How was I going to go back there knowing that he had finally found me, it was just a matter of time before this distance I had placed before us disappeared. The hurt and betrayal I saw in his eyes hurt so much to see, and the way he thought of me shocked me at first but really wasn't that what I was now degraded to. My temper flared right back up at the thought of it not being my fault, I didn't choose this I was forced into it. By this point I had finally reached my house. It was my nana's house. When I moved back I had taken care of her for a bit until she passed and this house was passed down to me in her will. It was now the only home and only family I had left.

Once I came in the house, I closed the door and went straight to the top floor into my bedroom. I was in the process of taking my earrings out when I walked past my tall mirror and stood there looking at myself in the mirror. I felt even more disgusted with myself then I did tonight than any night. But it didn't feel like disgust completely that's when it hit me it was embarrassment, it was shame and I couldn't handle it anymore.

Then it was like something snapped in me and I was on the outside of my body watching as I had a breakdown in my bedroom. I couldn't stand to see me in this stupid outfit so I took it off and ripped it and started screaming at my stupid life. I started pulling my blankets of my bed, throwing my makeup and other items on my shelves and dresser everywhere. Trashing my room before I looked at myself one more time in my mirror. I pulled my heels off and threw it at my mirror shattering it into a million pieces on my floor before I fell to the floor in despair. "Chels? What did you do?" someone said from behind me

When I turned around Jax was standing there looking down at me with pity in his eye. I frowned and looked down at my lap to realize I must have been closer than I thought to the mirror as my wrist was now bleeding from being cut. Before I had a chance to react Jax had grabbed my wrist and pulled me from the floor shaking his head and leading me to my in suite bathroom and shoved my wrist under the water. I watched as he inspected my wrist carefully cleaning it. Even though it was a slight touch my body envied it, the feel of how it felt to be touched by someone who cared after so long, let alone by him made my body tremble slightly. He pulled my wrist out of the water supposing that I shivered because of the cold and he inspected my wrist. "Do you have a first aid kit somewhere?"

"Under the sink."

He leaned over and grabbed it placing it on the counter and pulled out some gauze and a big band aide. "It's not deep, "he mumbled

I nodded my head. Once he had finished bandaging me up he didn't let go of my wrist instead he slightly rubbed it and then after a few moments of silence he looked up at me, past me into my disaster of a bedroom then back into my eyes. "What was that all about in there?"

I looked over my shoulder before I sighed and regrettably pulled my wrist from him and walked back into my bedroom. "It was nothing Jaxson, how did you even get in here?" I asked walking into my hallway heading down the stairs and leading him into the kitchen

"You didn't lock your door. It's funny you think after the five years of us being together you would have learned that by now.

'I was expecting Darby not you' I thought to myself

Instead of replying I ignored his comment and asked him "Do you want anything?"

"Some of that apple crisp behind you will do."

I looked behind me forgetting about the apple crisp I had made yesterday. I grabbed a plate and pulled out some and put it on a plate turning around and put it front of him. I was going to grab some milk for him like I know he liked when I looked over at him. He was leaning on the door frame to the kitchen, arms crossed across his chest, his eyes dark with what I was supposing was temptation and lust. I looked down at myself to realize I was still standing with my bra and underwear and I immediately blushed. I then looked everywhere but in his eyes, I cleared my throat and said "Well I think I'm going to put something more decent on for once, milk is in the fridge and cups are in the cupboard above the microwave I'll be down in a few minutes."

He chuckled and motioned for me to go. I crossed my arms over my basically bare chest and walked past him to the bedroom. I just grabbed an over sized rob zombie shirt, a pair of spandex shorts and pulled my hair back into a pony tail and walked down to the kitchen. By the time I got there he was just finishing his apple crisp. I walked towards to the counter and made myself so coffee. Then I went and sat at the table, my legs crossed on the chair beneath me, knowing what was coming next. He stared at me for a few moments before he spoke. "What happened?"

"Well where do you want me to start?"

"How about why you are working for that dirt bag."

"It's complicated."

He rose his eyebrows at me "Okay it has to do with my mother and him and he is using my brother as leverage against me for my mother debt to him." I half told the truth

"Why didn't you just come home to me?"

"Come on Jax you know how that one would have went. And I'm sure your mother wouldn't let me within two feet of you and don't argue you know it's true."

"I still would have helped you."

I rolled my eyes. He always ignores the facts, he chooses to believe that he can do whatever he wants but unless in the two years I've been gone he has cut the cord with mommy well, nothing touches her son without her approval, and I barely had that approval before I left and now I definitely done. "Don't even start with me Chels." He warned

"You're the one that's here in my home asking the questions Jax," I took a sip of my coffee to realize I didn't put enough sugar in it and I walked to the counter to fix it, "Don't ask me anything you don't want to know the answer to. That's what you use to say remember?"

Just as I finished putting the last cube of sugar in my coffee. I felt Jax behind me, pulling my hair from the pony tail and wrapping his arms around my waist pulling me harder into him. Then he started to nuzzle my hair just slightly and whispered in my ear, "I always preferred your hair down, remember?"

I felt my face flush and the butterflies flutter in my stomach as the memories came rushing back. All the good times and I didn't realize I had actually started to lean into him. He started to rub my stomach and asked me the one question I was dreading all night. "What happened to her? Why did you leave with our baby? You really hurt me." He turned me around and made me face him, his rough hands cupping my cheek to force me to look at him.

I was prepared to tell him about everything, but seeing that look in his eyes, the lone distant look I realized how much I actually did put him through and I replied, "She is gone, I had to give her away. I couldn't give her the life that she deserved, and I couldn't come back here and face you again after how I left so I choose the better option."

I could see the temper flare in his eyes with every word that slipped out of my mouth. By the end of my sentence his hands left my face and slammed on the counter behind me causing me to jump. He pushed away from me and started to walk towards the door. I went after him pulling his arm trying to get him to calm down. "Jax!...Jaxson! Please don't leave like this I'm sorry I thought it was for the best."

He stopped at my words before turning around and stalking towards me. I started to back up until my back hit the wall. As he walked towards me he said, "Exactly! What you thought, did you ever stop to think that she was my baby to, my choice to, and my god damn right to raise her! Your just full of surprises, not only did you give MY daughter away but your now degrading yourself to Darby's bitch and you won't even tell me what it really is so I can help you!" By the middle of his sentence he had reached me slamming his fist against the wall on either side of me, not removing them either.

My mouth just suddenly turned dry and it was like all words escaped my mouth. Before I realized it tears had escaped my eyes not because of fear or anger but because of sorrow at who I become. Jax was right and as much as I wanted to tell him everything and the truth I couldn't all that escaped my lips was, "I'm sorry I never wanted to hurt you."

Jax seemed to be stewing over what to do, as the anger started to leave him his face got closer to me. Our lips just barely touching before something seemed to dawn on him and his face scrunched up pushing away from me, leaving me standing there, my knees weak as I watched him walk towards my front door. Just as he was walking out he turned around to face me his expression completely serious, "Listen, I don't want to see you around Darby's again. I mean it and now that I know your back you're not leaving again. We have things to talk about. And I'm serious about Darby's."


	3. Deal Gone Wrong

**{Sorry guys this month has been ridiculous with my job and school. So as I have said in all the other fan fiction's this is what's going to happen. So that I know which fan fiction's people want updated the most or the fastest I am going to base how soon I update based on how many people favorite or follow as well as review, whether good it bad or just to request it doesn't matter. Thanks to those of you who have so far thank you. To lagoon childe I am sorry you feel that way and I hope that I didn't lose you as a reader if I did I'm sorry. Later on in the story she isn't trust me the secrets she is hiding is definitely not pointing in that situation. I just made the beginning to be like that. But you do have a point so I am going to be making one more fan fiction that will be another Jax but it won't be a mary sue I promise. I hope you all like this chapter and remember to favorite, follow and review. It all means a lot and I don't own the Sons of Anarchy just my character and anything else you don't recognize.}**

'SLAM'

The moment that door closed any resolve I had was gone and I fell to my knees. He had every right to be angry but I wasn't angry at him I was angry at myself for not telling him why I left and what actually happened to our daughter.

(Flashback)

"Mom?!" I yelled out furiously

I had found out that once again she was high and she was with Darby once again someone I had warned her to stay away from. She was supposed to be moving on with her life with Chibs and what was I going to tell him when word got to him about her recent fiasco. I got to the living room in search of her to find my little brother, Christopher, on his hands and knees cleaning up glass and some form of liquid off the carpet. This wasn't the first time mom tripped out in the living room and destroyed something. My eyes wandered around the living room to find the family photo of when dad was still here on the floor by my feet. I reached down and picked it up brushing off what remained of the glass from the frame. "She is up in her room." Chris said nonchalantly

I threw the picture on the couch and walked down the hallway straight to her bedroom. I slammed the door open and shouted, "What the hell did I-"

My mother was on the floor in a ball crying to herself. I rolled my eyes yelling at her now wasn't going to help, not when she was tripping so I pulled her up so she was sitting up against her bed and went into the bathroom to grab a cold cloth. She hadn't moved by the time I had gotten back so I knelt in front of her and started to dab at her face. After a few minutes or so she grabbed my wrist and started blubbering, "I'm so sorry Chelsea you're going to be so mad at me."

I shook my head, "Don't worry about it mom, let's just get you better okay?"

"No you don't understand!" she pushed me away, "You just don't understand!"

"What the hell? Don't I understand what?" I shouted back

"I did something bad."

"…What did you do…?"

"Darby…Darby and the Niners."

"What about them they have beef so what mom."

"No they don't not right now, not when they want the same thing."

"What. Did. You. Do."

"I'm so sorry baby. This thing with Chibs you're trying to push for that's just a game. Darby thinks that if we get close to someone at that table then we can kidnap them and make Clay change the deal with the Mayans to the Niners and Darby will get more money and more property and payback against the sons, against Jax and Clay. I'm sorry baby you know I can't help it when Darby asks for my help. Baby please forgive me I'm so sorry."

So she was doing this out guilt. The rage in me started to boil as I realized the danger she is putting everyone in the club in danger she was putting Jax in danger. I was five months pregnant at this point and I knew the ton of stress she just put on me was not good for the baby but what I going to do now. "Fuck you."

That was all I could say. I was done with her and I pushed myself off the floor, going for the door. She grabbed on to my foot and looked pleadingly up at me. "No don't go baby I said I was sorry. Ill clean myself up I promise ill fix this."

"Fix this! You can't fix this huge fuck up you made. I can deal with cleaning up after your freak outs, I can deal with raising my brother, I can even deal with the shit that comes with Darby and this stupid drug you can't seem to get off of but I can't keep cleaning up your messes anymore and this time you went too far. You are dead to me."

I ripped my leg from her grip and slammed the door behind me. I ignored her whining and crying for me to come back. I grabbed a hold of Chris and pulled him out the door. "What are you doing?"

"I'm taking you away from here but first I need to go see Leroy we have something to discuss."

(End of flashback)

He didn't get it. I didn't have a choice to leave and I didn't have a choice to come back here either. And as much as Jax will hate it I can't leave Darby's. Just as I was finishing up cleaning the bedroom I heard a knock at the front door. When I opened the door Asher stood there arms crossed over his chest looking at me expectantly. I knew what he was here for. I threw my hands up in the air and walked backwards saying "Yeah yeah I know just let me grab my jacket."

Asher nodded and I grabbed my coat and left for the club.

~~SOA~~

As we walked in to the club I felt all eyes on me and I knew that maybe I had caused a bigger scene than I had thought or at least Jax did. Darby was sitting with the lady doctor who was looking at his nose. When his eyes made contact with mine he pushed her away and came charging at me, grabbing me by my arm and dragging me to his office. I could feel the panic start to rise the moment that the door closed. He pushed me up against the door and sneered in my face, "Why didn't you tell me you had history with those fucks. I knew your mother knew them but I didn't think you had a connection to them let alone the vice president."

"It must have just slipped my mind."

He smashed his hand beside my head and I flinched. "That does not just slip your mind! I thought something was up with how you wouldn't give them your name," he reeked of booze and I tried to turn my face away from his but, he just grabbed my face and pulled it back to face his, "Don't you fucking look away from me when I talk to you, you look me in the god damn face with respect bitch."

He pushed away from me and mumbled, "You caused a lot of unwanted shit tonight and because we still have our little deal you won't be performing on stage anymore I'm moving you to the private shows."

That got my attention, that's where Darby sent the girls he doesn't like anymore, to the sleaze balls, the ones who can't keep their hands away long enough. He saw the worry in my eyes and chuckled, "Oh don't worry baby doll I won't let them touch you, I just need you to stay hidden long enough for my deal to go through with the sons unless you want your brother to pay instead?"

I shook my head and asked, "Is that all?"

When I didn't get an answer I turned around and headed for the door. Just as I grabbed the handle he grabbed my waist and pulled me back to him. One hand holding me in place and the other was traveling down my side to my shorts. I closed my eyes tight and hoped that he wasn't going to do what I thought "Tsk. You and your mom could drive a man nuts you know that with the bodies you have. Your mom was great in bed, baby doll if anyone is going to touch you it's going to be me and it especially won't be pretty boy."

With that he started to slip his hand into the waistline of my pants. The man could get away with almost anything but I was not about to let this one happen. The last person to touch me like that was Jax and like hell was I about to let it happen with Darby. I swung my head back and nailed him right in the face, breaking his nose once again. He immediately let go and I ran for the door. Before I could get it all the way open, he pulled me backwards harshly and I tripped, my head making contact with the corner of his desk. As I sat up trying not to let the dizziness get the best of me, his hand made contact with my face, slapping me hard. When I fell to the floor again, he grabbed my hair and pulled me up so I was facing him. "Next time I want something you will not stop me from getting it you hear me! You are my property!"

Once he let go he kicked me once in the stomach. I felt his foot make contact with my ribs and the painful snap I felt made tears prick my eyes but I wasn't about to let Darby get the satisfaction of seeing that. I heard the door open and him bellow at Asher. "Take her home."

I could see Asher out of the corner of my eye looking at me before he asked, "You sure she shouldn't get looked at first."

"What did I say?"

"Okay."

He came up and grabbed me by my shoulder pulling me up gently and slipping his arm around my waist. I was coming in and out of consciousness. The pain in my side was a lot worse than I thought when he pulled me up off the floor and I could hear Darby yelling at me from behind. "I want you here for six pm tomorrow sharp. Don't make me come looking for you doll."

(Flashback)

I got to the clubhouse and Jax came out and the smile on his face made me feel guiltier about what I was hiding but I had to keep it from him at least for now. I looked over at Chris and whispered, "Don't say anything about mom keep it to yourself okay?"

He looked at me confused but Jax's voiced drowned out his own, "Beautiful what are you doing here?"

I flashed him my smile, "I'm looking for Gemma, and I need a car."

"What happened to yours?" he rested his hands on my belly pulling me slightly towards him

"My mom's got it. She went for groceries."

He gave me a light peck on the lips and nodded his head at the garage where you could see Gemma ranting on the phone to whoever. I always loved Gemma we have had our fights but then again I am with Jax. Everyone knows you can't get anywhere near her baby without her blessing and after trying for almost a year I got it finally. She made eye contact with me and gave me a little wave. I looked back at Jax and smile. "I'll see you tonight right?" Jax asked

I nodded my head, "Good. I've got a surprise for you. I just got some stuff to take care of here and then I'll be home. Remember don't come home till five okay?"

"You got it."

I gave him one more kiss and he bent down and gave my baby bump a kiss as well. "You take care of your ma you hear." He whispered

He smiled up at me cheekily before he turned around and walked away waving at me. I turned around and walked over to Gemma. "Yeah it's done so come get it whenever you want but I need to go have a good day."

Once she hung up she came around her desk and brought me in for a hug. "I didn't expect to see you here today I thought you were going to spend it at home relaxing like you should be doing?" Gemma lectured

When she pulled away I saw the worry in her eyes. "Sorry Gem I know I should be at home but I gotta run an errand with this shit head."

I grabbed Chris and pulled him under arm, ruffing up his hair just slightly. He grunted and pushed me away but still gave Gemma a smile, "Yea I need to go grab some things for my girlfriend it's our anniversary."

"Okay well that car was here last week and no one seems to have come to claim it nor is there any paperwork on it. So just take that one and make sure to have it back before the shop closes. I would take you myself but I won't be able to leave for quite a while."

She dangled the keys in front of me and I grabbed at them giving her a kiss on the cheek. After saying a quick goodbye we hopped into the car and took off to Leroy's.

_(Jax p.o.v)_

_"Ma!" I yelled at mom from inside the garage._

_"Jax? Baby what's wrong?" she asked while whipping around the corner of the office_

_"What car did you give Chels?" I demanded walking right up to her_

_"I gave her the black hatchback that's been sitting in the lot untouched why?"_

_"Because if she gets pulled over in there she will be serving two life sentences ma that's why!"_

_"What's in that car?"_

_"Do you remember Darby's guys that went after the club?"_

_"The ones that just stopped coming around. I thought you guys took care of that?"_

_"We did but they didn't stop coming because we scared them away. We took care of them and that was their vehicle and they are still in there ma!"_

_When the realization dawned on her on how serious this was, she grabbed for the phone immediately calling Chelsea._

(End of flashback)

_(Jax p.o.v)_

_As I pulled up in front of my home, the weight of the situation seemed to land on my shoulders. I almost kissed her. I should have been furious with her but I still tried to kiss her. The pull she always had with me was still there. But I couldn't shake the feeling that there was something she wasn't telling me. I looked up at my home and saw the TV on in the living room but besides that no sign of life was there. I couldn't help but remember back when I was with Chels she would never go to bed until she knew where I was or that I was at home in bed with her. I didn't love Wendy but she was going to be the mother of my child so I had to get along with her. I was going to go home but not for Wendy I wanted to go home because I wanted contact with my soon to be son. I needed it after seeing Chels and especially after hearing what she had done with our child._

_Once I made it into the house I went straight to the bedroom to see Wendy laying on her back completely asleep. I didn't bother taking off my clothes instead I just climbed into bed and laid my hand on her stomach enjoying when my son kicked at my hand. Wendy didn't wake up to it at all, she was out like a light. I decided then that I couldn't let Chels back into my heart but, I did need to find my daughter and bring her home it didn't matter the cost. She was my daughter._

_(End of jax p.o v)_

(flashback)

Leroy and I didn't get along. Every time we saw each other all we did was say harsh things to one another. Neither of us felt bad about it but then again who really cared. I told Chris to stay in the car as I walked into the bar. The moment I walked in all eyes turned to me and everything went quiet. I saw Leroy look up at me from his normal booth before he cleared his throat and said, "Well, well look what just walked into the wrong place at the perfect time."

"Look Leroy we need to talk."

He chuckled but motioned for me to step into the back room. After looking around the room I walked into the room, standing in the center of the room. After the door was shut I spoke before Leroy had the chance, "Break the deal between my mother and Darby."

"What do you know about that?"

"I know that you want the deal that the Mayans got with the sons."

"Ah so you only know the beginning. See the club owes me a bigger debt then that. I lost people. People I cared about to Clay and Jax. And it's not only that deal I want but I want payback for what your man did to me."

He wanted Jax. I could feel my heart strings pulling at the image of not having Jax around anymore. If I could stop this it needed to be now I needed to protect him. "End it." I said matter of factly, narrowing my eyes

He chuckled once more but once he realized that I wasn't joking his grin pressed into a hard line, "Now why would I do that?"

"Because you and I both know that Darby has a hidden agenda and it doesn't involve you so why don't you just avoid all the drama that's going to go through your front door and settle this. What do you want?"

"What do I want? Well let's see what's the one thing I can do to hurt the club the most hm? How about this...leave," What? What did he mean leave? After Leroy let that sink in he continued to speak, "See the way I see this, is you're one of the most important parts to what makes them go round. You hold them together, I've seen them fall apart without you because of the importance you hold to their VP. And with that one on the way it will tear them apart." Leroy pointed to my growing stomach

"I wouldn't make it one mile out of Charming before they found me again."

"No see they won't find you because I will provide the transportation. I will find you a place that no one will find you unless I say otherwise. How does that sound I'll stop my deal going through with them if you do this one favor for me?"

"I don't know."

He started to circle around me like a prey stalking its next victim. "This deal won't be on the table long so I'll tell you what I'll give you until tonight to decide okay? I'll play nice this time."

I didn't want to leave Jax, he was the love of my life, but I needed to protect him and if the club found out about my mother she wouldn't be around either. As much as I hated the next words out of my mouth, it needed to happen. "Deal."

(End of flashback)


	4. Brother Against Brother

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I woke up to a searing pain in my ribs and I rolled onto my side looking around my bedroom. How did I get here? Last place I remember being was in Darby office…that's right. I basically dragged myself to the bathroom and looked in the mirror raising my shirt as much as I could before the pain became unbearable. I could see slight bruising that seem to grow darker and swelling on the right side of my body. There was a small cut on my forehead just under my side bangs and a slight bruise under my left eye. Damn Darby had done a number on me this time. I let my fingers trace the bruise and flinched slightly there was not going to be any ignoring this one this time, I needed to go to the hospital. I sighed but grabbed my sullen hoodie throwing the hood over my head and slipping on a pair of jeans and a pair of low heeled brown boots. I took one more look in the mirror and pushed my side bangs into my eyes to cover the bruise. I clutched my side and I grabbed my bag and sunglasses and left my house.

~~SOA~~

"Okay so, I have some good and bad news." Dr. Young stated walking into the room staring at my chart. She walked over to the bed and continued, "The cut on your forehead it's not infected and there are no signs of a concussion but, your ribs are a different story, you have three ribs that are fractured but it is minor. So as long as you keep your job to a minimum you should still be able to work and I will prescribe some pain killers and some other medications to help the healing process."

"Okay thanks once again doctor see ya next time."

I hoped off the bed and snatched the prescription from her hands. Just as I reached the door I could hear call out to me, "Should I be worried Chelsea? Those are not minor injuries this time…this is serious."

I turned around to face her and gave her the biggest smile I could muster before replying. "I'm fine doc it's nothing I can't handle and I have been through worse."

"I don't doubt that but, that doesn't mean you should have to go through it. Have you thought of going back to your brother or Jax for help…at least with Darby?"

I know that she meant well but, I couldn't let people in and I couldn't go to people for help let alone Jax. This was the burden I choose to carry and no one else's. I slid my sunglasses on my face again and pulled my hoodie up, "Thanks for the checkup doc, I'll see ya next time."

I started walking down the hallway avoiding the prying eyes around me and that's when I saw her. The one women I never wanted to see again. Gemma always had this air about her, one that told anyone around her that she wasn't to be messed with. So in order for me to win her blessing, even though it was quite intimidating, I had to stand up to her but, I learned quick never to show her that though. So when I saw her standing at the front desk bitching to some poor new girl I hadn't seen before. I ducked my head low trying to get out of there before she saw me and just as I was reaching the door I felt her long finger nailed hands wrap around my upper arm and spun me around to face her. Once I saw the realization dawn on her who exactly I was her eyes quickly turned to hatred and narrowed at me. I felt panic and unease rise in me. Seeing Jax again was hard enough but, Gemma could be unpredictable. "Chelsea? What the hell are you doing back here?"

"Look Gemma it's a long story and I don't feel like getting into it with you today."

I tried to turn around in an effort to put an end to the upcoming unpleasant conversation but, I should have known better than to turn my back on the Queen. As I tried to pull my arm from her grip she tightened it and pulled me around to face her. But, when she did I flinched and hissed in pain from the quick movement. Gemma let go of me the moment she noticed I was in pain and looked me up and down for a moment before reaching forward and grabbing my sunglasses from my face. She gasped "For god sake Gemma! Leave me alone." I hissed

I went to grab my sunglasses from her but she grabbed my wrist and pulled me towards the mini church area they have in the hospital. After she made sure that no one was in there she pushed me in and slammed the door behind her. She stood there and stared at me for a few more minutes with her hands on her hips her foot just slightly tapping the floor. She was starting to make me nervous. Gemma never stayed quiet this long ever. After a few more seconds she clicked her tongue and reached forward and pulled my hood off my head. She grabbed my chin and turned my face both ways looking at my bruise. Then when she caught sight of the cut on my head. She brushed my bangs to the side and ran her finger over the slight bruise and cut. Then she stepped back and asked, "Now don't lie to me, where else are you hurt? I know you wouldn't have made that sound unless you were hurt and that is not coming from you face darling. I will make you strip if I have to, now show me." Gemma ordered

I rolled my eyes, I knew that what Gemma said was not a light threat she would go through with it if she had to. I let out a sigh and lifted my shirt slightly, wincing again in pain. Gemma bent over and let her hand slide down my ribs. She let out a sigh of frustration and stood in front of me again. She seemed to ponder over what to say before her eyes made contact with mine. "Who did this?"

"I never said someone did it to me," I couldn't tell her it was Darby it was bad enough that Jax and the rest of the sons knew about me working for him I couldn't tell anyone about anything else. I was already taking the risk of being in the town without Leroy current knowledge of my whereabouts, "I just fell down my stairs this morning…there pretty steep."

"Tsk…if there is one thing I know baby it's that, "she pointed to my face and my side, "Doesn't happen from falling down the stairs."

I shook my head and sighed, "Even if it didn't happen that way, we both know you don't care and no one else does so just leave it be."

"Fine if that's how you want this to be then how about we discuss the last time we all saw you and what the hell you are doing back here. You're pretty brave if you ask me."

"But, I never did ask. I'm back for my own reasons and if you must know I'm doing it to protect someone I'm not doing it because I want to. And I would prefer if you would keep this between us."

"If you think I will keep this from my son you are sorely mistaken."

"Jaxson knows I'm here I already had this conversation with him so, talk to him otherwise I'm leaving…I have an appointment. One I can't miss."

She gave a stiff sigh and I pushed my way past her and pulled open the door. I pulled my hood up over my head and just as I was placing the sunglasses onto my face I heard Gemma say from behind me, "I wouldn't be going anywhere baby I'm sure I'll see you real soon."

I didn't doubt for one second that I wouldn't be seeing her again, it was a small town after all. I didn't like where this was going…I knew eventually someone would find me I just hoped I had covered my mothers and my debt to Darby so I could protect my brother. But, if the sons knew I was back, it was just about time before Leroy did and my plan went to shit.

~~SOA~~

It was just before six when I arrived at the club. I only made it about five feet in the door when Darby called me to the office. This time Ash stayed in the office. Once the door was closed he didn't waist anytime getting to business. Darby walked right up to me and roughly grabbed my face and pulled it both ways, then he took a step back and crossed his arms. "Let's see the rest."

I rolled my eyes and pulled my shirt up. Thanks to the medication I was hopped up on, there was minimal pain and I could hold it up higher than this morning. He scoffed once he saw it and turned away. "This is what is going to happen, get the other girls to help pretty your face up and try and cover that ugly shit on your side then I want you in a sexy pin up two piece that I already have laid out at your make up station. You will just be dancing like normal but in the private rooms. Don't under any circumstances take off that two piece, he is just getting the dance. I don't want you to scare away any of my costumers."

I snorted just slightly and crossed my arms, "Is that all boss?"

"Don't take sass with me you had it coming and you know it. Now go out there and dance that ass off you still owe me."

I stomped my way out of there my heels clicking as I went. All the girls seemed to avoid looking directly at me when I walked into the dressing room and it seemed like all the conversations stopped. Obviously word had gotten around about the episode the night before. I sighed and looked over at my station. There sat a barely see through baby blue two piece the top was cropped just above my belly and the bottoms were a lacy booty short. After a half an hour of plastering on the make up in an attempt to cover it, I had finished. My makeup was as natural as I could get it, I had some eyeliner and mascara on with some red at the corner of my eye. I then put a nice rose color lipstick on my plump lips. I curled my hair into a combination of ringlets and curls and I pulled my hair on the sides back into a slight knot and I teased my bangs, so that they hide my face better. With some help from the girls I managed to cover the bruise on my side slightly so it wasn't so pronounced. I took one more look in the mirror and popped some more pain killers into my mouth. "Chelsea? You're on. Darby said to tell you there is a gentlemen in room 4 and he wants you to go now." The new shooter girl poked her head into the room.

I nodded my head and gave myself one more look over before I left to do my job.

_(Jax p.o.v)_

_It had been a long day, I couldn't help but let my mind wander to Chelsea. She had grown up since the last time I saw her. She gives off a stronger more independent vibe now and her hair is just slightly darker and her eyes hiding much more than before that I wish I could figure out. They seemed to have lost that once happy glow they had. But, to get involved with her again wouldn't be smart and I still had Wendy to think about. We had a big fight this morning and I have decided it would be best to stay at the dorm for a few days and beside Clay had a lot going on with the Niners and a few people so, I would've ended up staying here anyways. At the meeting today, I let everyone know about what happened at Darby's club and everyone except for Op and Chibs grumbled something about her sudden appearance. But, I couldn't get mad at Op or Chibs for being anything but, happy for her return. She was like a daughter to Chibs and as for Op she was there through everything with Dona and stood by his side through a lot. It's not like they were welcoming her with open arms but, they still weren't not happy about it. Clay decided that we would leave her alone where she was and try and keep this from Gemma and the other old ladies until I decided what I wanted to do about her. I personally think Clay wants her to stick around after all she works with Darby. I didn't say anything at the time because I didn't want the lecture about putting my nose where it didn't belong but, I didn't want her working there and especially not with her being my ex old lady._

_I wasn't only just focused on that today, Clay tried to bring up the fact that he wanted Op to come back fully even if it meant at the risk of his marriage and family or else sooner or later Clay wouldn't allow him to be a part of the club anymore. I understood where Op was coming from but, we needed him here…I needed him here. Now we were at a meeting with Leroy. There was something urgent that he required to talk to me and Clay about. Something that apparently just could not wait. So, I was leaning against my bike taking a drag off my cigarette when Leroy pulled up to the meet up spot. I glanced at Clay and he nodded at me solemnly. I pushed myself off my bike and threw my smoke to the side and then stuffed my hands into my pockets. "Okay Leroy we're here, what do you want?" I asked stiffly_

_"Is there something the matter?" Clay chimed in now standing beside me_

_"Well nothing particularly wrong, I just have an inquiry," he walked up so that he was within reaching distance and started to look around him before he let his eyes settle on me, "I just had a little birdie tell me that you had a very unhappy event at Darby whore house and I also hear that the beautiful Chelsea is also come back and happens to be working there."_

_My eyes narrowed at him, "I don't know what you are referring to here but, I don't like it."_

_He walked towards me and his hand rubbed his chin thoughtfully, "Now see me and her have a new arose trouble within our past and I wish to speak to her and as I can now tell you won't tell me a straight answer on her whereabouts. So I will deal with it on my own."_

_He started to walk away from us and I took one look at Clay. I was furious that he would talk to me that way but, my curiosity outweighed that. I wanted to know what he had on her, what he wanted with her. I took a step towards him just as he was reaching his car but, Clay put his arm out in front of me. "What is that supposed to mean." I called out_

_He took one more look back at me and replied with a snort and a huge grin on his face before him and his buddies took off. I watched as they took off and after a few seconds Clay stepped in front of me with a glare clearly meant for me. He pointed a finger at me and said, "I know you got some shit to work out with Chelsea but, keep it out of the club business. There is something going on between them and I need you to figure that shit out and keep your damn emotions in check boy."_

_There were lots of things I wanted to reply back with but, now wasn't the time and he had a point I needed to find out what Leroy wanted from her and I had a gut feeling I wasn't going to like it. "Now we need to go back. Happy is riding in and we need to meet him."_

_(End of Jax p.o.v )_

I had now danced for about six men and I was on break. I sat at the bar talking with Darren the bartender. We were laughing over some silly thing that he had witness between the new girl and one of our very old gentlemen when Darby grabbed my upper arm and whispered in my ear, "There is a gentlemen in your room and I want you to go take care of him."

I turned slightly and looked past him at my room, there was a really tall handsome guy. Had a rough look to him, tattoos and a shaved head, and basically black eyes that were boring into mine. I looked back at Darby and said defiantly, "I'm on break, give him to someone else."

When I turned back in the chair to finish my drink he spun me around and said, "No, he asked for you specifically and he isn't a man to take no for an answer."

"Fine but, I go home after this, my ribs are killing me," I sighed and reluctantly got up and walked over to the mystery man, "Why hello there handsome, I hear you don't take no for an answer."

He crossed his arms and snorted, "I just know what I want."

"Well then I guess I don't have a choice." I grabbed onto his shirt and pulled him behind me and into the room.

The song that was playing in the room was subtle but erotic at the same time. I stripped my robe off and walked over to him, placing my hands onto his thighs and I leaned forward to give him a good look at my breasts, I swayed my hips around and started to give him the dance he would never forget. I used his legs as leverage and swirled down to the floor and pulled myself back up and spun around and did the same thing except with my back to him. Then as I started to come up from the floor I turned around and as I came up I pushed my breasts once more up his body. As I reached his face I turned my back to him again then I leaned back into him and moved my hips in a circle motion all the while just barely touching him. I did this a few times and before long I turned to face him and I felt his hands grip my hips drawing me onto his lap when I continued to move my hips in circles and forward and backwards. I flipped my hair around just slightly and I felt his grip on me tighten as he leaned forward and started to try and place rough kisses on my neck and exposed chest. I felt my body respond to this even though I know I shouldn't go farther. I placed my hands on his chest pushing him away as the images of Jax last night start to make their way into my mind. He growled and tightened his grip on me, getting rougher with his kisses. Just as I was about to call out for Ash a cell phone started ringing in the room. The man let out a frustrated sigh and let go of me. I pushed off of him and reached for my robe and looked back at him. "Yeah…I'm just out at the moment…yeah I'm in town now…yeah I'm on my way." He spoke into the phone

His eyes lingered on me for a moment more before he sighed and started to head for the door. Just as he reached the door I called out to him, "I never got a name by the way."

"Is it mandatory that I give out my name?"

"No just common curtesy."

"It's Happy."

_(Jax p.o.v)_

_After we got back to the club house I was just about to light up a smoke when I saw my mom pull up into the parking lot and she looked pissed. She stomped over to me grabbed the smoke out of my hand and asked, "So she's back?"_

_I didn't need to ask who she was talking about, I knew she was talking about Chelsea but, I wasn't aware they had run into each other yet. She took my silence as the answer and I shoved my hands into my pockets and looked away. "Listen it's none of my business baby and god knows that I don't want to know or care why I saw her in the hospital but, she was pretty banged up and I wanted to know if you knew anything about that?"_

_I had saw Chelsea not even twenty four hours ago and when I left, I left her in perfect condition. "What did she say?"_

_"That she fell down the stairs but, baby it looked a lot worse than that. Is there something I should know?"_

_"I found her in Darby place."_

_"The strip club?"_

_"Yeah mom I know what you're gonna say but, keep this to yourself. Clay doesn't want the old ladies starting something until I figure out what I am going to do and until the deal with Darby goes through."_

_"Have you asked her about the baby yet?"_

_"Yeah she said she gave her away because she couldn't handle raising a baby on her own and didn't want to come back here."_

_"If you ask me Jaxson there is more to it than that. It sounds like she is hiding something."_

_Just as I was pondering on what my mother had said, Hap was pulling into the parking lot which meant it was time for club business. I settled on the fact that I would need to see Chelsea tonight. I gave my mom a quick kiss on the cheek and started off towards Hap. By the time I reached him, he was just getting off his bike. I gave him a pat on the back and said, "Good to see you again brother."_

_"Yeah you guys could have given me a few moments I was just about to relieve some much needed tension."_

_I grinned at him, "I know what you mean brother but, Clay insisted. I'm sure you will have lots of pussy around you tonight."_

_He put his helmet on his bike and walked towards the doors with me, "Yeah but, this girl was crazy. Not someone I expect to see at Darby's she got class man I tell you."_

_I stopped dead in my tracks, there is no way Chelsea went back there...right? "Did you get a name?"_

_Happy let go of the door and walked over to me, "Nah I could pick her out of anywhere. Damn beauty even with the bruises I saw on her today. I think Darby said her name was Kelsey or something"_

_Fuck, she didn't listen she went back. Before I knew what I was doing I had landed a punch on Happy's face and drug him to the ground. Both of us fighting for dominance. I don't know why she still had this hold on me but, I was pissed that she didn't listen and that another brother had laid his hands on her and whatever else before I called. Before I knew it I was being drug off of Hap. Both of us bleeding and I stormed off, I couldn't put this off anymore I needed to talk to her._

_(End of Jax p.o.v)_

I had just gotten home and into a pair of black sweats and a sports bra, when I heard a pounding at my front door. I looked at it confused for a moment, Darby had agreed to the rest of the night off and I wasn't expecting anyone…maybe it was Jax. For once I had an actual smile on my face as I strode towards the door. As I opened the door, it wasn't Jax I was faced with…my visitor was not someone I wanted to see until I had my shit figgured out. I felt the smile disappear off my face, "Leroy…"


	5. What Have I Done

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Fuck..."Are you going to invite me in?" He asked with a smirk on his face, pointing behind me to my living room

I grimaced slightly but, stepped aside to let him in. Once he was in I closed the door but, kept my hand on the doorknob for a few seconds longer wondering how far I could get before he either caught me or shot me. I choose against that wager and walked back to the kitchen and took a beer from the fridge. Leroy followed me into the room "Want one?" I asked

He shook his head and sat at the table and motioned to the empty set across from him. I reluctantly sat down with my right leg underneath me and my left bent beside me and I placed my arm on my left leg prompting it up. "When did you get back?" He asked with a raised eyebrow

If there was a time to tell the truth it would be now, judging by the way he was looking at me there was no way he would tolerate games. "A few months ago...Darby tracked me down."

"Hmm...See I thought we had an agreement."

"I was going to leave I swear Leroy but, he was going to hurt Chris. I was just going to pay off my mother's debt and go again."

"See but, that's a problem now isn't it? Now that SAMCRO is aware of your appearance to."

I looked down at my hands, I didn't have an answer for that. It was going to be harder to leave this time...Jax wasn't just going to let me go this time. Leroy cleared his throat and leaned forward and grabbed my chin forcing me to look at him. "You're lucky that I can use you for something I needed from Darby."

"What's that?"

"A deal I have just recently made with him has gone sour, Darby's men ambushed us about three months ago and he took all of my money, guns and heroine and I want it back. Word around town is that you're pretty close with him."

"I'm not that close to him as you can see."

Leroy's eyes went over my face as if noticing the marks for the first time. He nodded his head and leaned back in his chair. "What I need you to do is this. His right hand Ash, knows where the whereabouts of my merchandise id. I want you to figure it out and tell me. That's it and then you can do as you please whether you stay or not is your choice."

Ash? How was I supposed to get anything out of him? I knew he has a slight crush on me but, he wasn't Darby's right hand for nothing. "I can't guarantee anything Leroy."

"I don't care. It's that or you will not like what the alternative to the solution is," he threatened I didn't like the look in his eyes so, I nodded my head, "Have you told him yet?"

I knew what he was talking about, my daughter…my miscarriage…the only reason he even knew that was because of Joshua. When I first ran away, Leroy didn't trust me on my own so he sent one of his buddies with me…Joshua was there when it happen and after I had Leroy's trust to stay put where I was Joshua left and reported everything that had happened to him. Joshua was my only company for so long and he was the only person who I could open up to. Granted being dragged back into the house every time I tried to run back to Charming to talk to the one person I wanted to…yeah that wasn't much fun. I took another drink from my beer, "Sort of…I told him that she was gone but, I left out the miscarriage. I told him that I gave her away."

"Whats going to happen when he figures out that your daughter doesn't exist?"

I shrugged my shoulders and leaned back in my chair, looking everywhere but at him. Just as I was about to ask him if his visit was over another knock at my front door interrupted me and Leroy's phone went off. Leroy looked down at his cell phone with a frown before he stood up and started to leave. I stood up after him confused, "Pretty boy is here so I think it's time I bounced."

Jax was here? Why? I followed him to the door and before I could open it Leroy had beat me to it. Opening the door to a very shocked and very angry Jax Teller. Leroy flashed him a wide smile almost as if he was showing off in front of him and walked past Jax. Jax and me both watched Leroy as he walked back to his car just as he reached the end of the sidewalk he turned and shouted, "Don't go anywhere baby doll I'll be in touch."

When the words left his mouth I didn't even need to look at Jax to know how pissed off he was. If only he knew the shit storm that he had just walked right into the middle of. I left the door open for him and walked back to the kitchen pulling out a smoke and drinking some more of my beer. When Jax walked into the kitchen I slid the smoke pack across the table for him and motioned to the seat. Once he was seated I took a puff of my smoke and finally looked him in the eyes "So what is with the late night call?"

I saw anger once more flash across his eyes as he seem to deliberate on how to bring up the topic he was looking for. "Well where should I start Chels, how about with my ma and the hospital visit? Or what about the other late night visit that just walked out your door? Or how about how I know you are still working for Darby after I specifically asked you not to."

I rolled my eyes at him, "As I told your mother I fell down my stairs after you left okay? And the business between me and Darby and me and Leroy has nothing to do with you. My situation with Darby is more complicated than that. I can't leave I'm protecting Chris okay if you must know. I have a debt to pay and there is no way I can leave and as for Leroy he was just stopping by to visit."

Jax flicked his ashes away and glared at me, "So what are you doing fucking a brother then."

"What?" I looked at him as if he was on drugs

"Happy?"

My eyes widened in shock. That handsome man I had given a lap dance to….was a son. Shit, he didn't have a cut on or his visible ink so I didn't even think that he would possibly be a brother. I tried to play it off with a shrug off my shoulders, "I didn't fuck him for your information I just gave him a dance the man paid for. I didn't realize he was a son."

"I am not even going to get into Leroy today sweetheart, where did the bruises come from?"

"I already told yo—"

I was cut off by Jax slamming his fist into the table, "Don't lie to me! When I left you, you were fine but yet my mother says that the bruises on your face isn't all of it. So show me the rest, I can tell you right know if you fell down those stairs!"

I started to panic, Jax couldn't get in the middle of this right now. I needed to stick with Darby and get closer to Ash there was no way Jax could know. If he knew what Darby did I couldn't count on what he would do. I needed to hide this so, I put on the best brave face I could muster before I got up from my seat stomping towards my front door calling back at him, "Leave Jaxson! I don't need this right now and I don't need you snooping your nose in my business! I can take care of myself! Lea—"

I didn't even reach the door and I didn't get to finish my sentence before I felt Jax's arms wrap around my waist pulling me back into him. I struggled against him trying to pull myself away. I could feel the tears cascading down my cheeks at the pain I was putting my still sore ribs through. As I was struggling against Jax, he managed to flip me around to face him and as I shoved him harder. I lost my footing and fell to the ground. Jax stood straddling my hips as he grabbed my arms that were fighting against him and pinned them above my head. His face leaned low in to mine the clear warning of 'I'm going to look at it don't you move' written all over his face. He placed both my wrists in his left hand and his right hand slid up my side pulling my shirt with his hands. I turned my face to the side not wanting to see the pity in his eyes and felt the tears come faster now. I heard him growl under his breath as his fingers outlined the bruise on my side. His fingers were so cold against my skin. "Who did this?" he asked quietly and if I wasn't as close as I was to him I'm sure I wouldn't have heard him.

I didn't answer him and I felt his grip tighten on my wrists and his voice got louder demanding an answer, "Who did this Chelsea! This is not the fucking stairs!"

I closed my eyes tighter at first still trying not to tell him. His fingers left my side and he gently grabbed my face pulling it to look him in the eyes. "Open your eyes Chels…I just want to know who laid their hands on you…please."

When I heard his voice start to crack I opened my eyes to face his. His deep blue eyes where peering into my own with so much overwhelming emotion. I forgot the situation I was in, "Darby." I whispered

Anger flared once more and he pushed off of me, heading towards the door. "Wait Jax what are you doing?"

He turned and face me anger and betrayal mixing in his face and eyes. "I wish you would trust me more. I never did anything to deserve your mistrust. I will go deal with Darby and your debt I don't care what it is…it's paid. Go get your shit tomorrow and I never want to find out that your back there got it?"

I nodded my head at what he just said. I realized then as the door closed that even though one of my problems was solved…Leroy's deal was still needing to be finished and this was going to make it harder. If there was going to be any point where I could get Ash to open up I needed it to be tomorrow. I couldn't keep going there because after tonight I had a good feeling that the next visit from Jax if he found out wasn't going to be pleasant.

_(Jax p.o.v)_

_How fucking dare he lay a hand on her! I didn't care if she wasn't my old lady anymore she was still important whether I choose to acknowledge that or not. I had rode back to TM and grabbed Chibs and Opie, the moment I filled them in I knew they were just as pissed. We all rode to Darby's place and when we arrived it looked like they were just closing up. I hopped off my bike and took a unsteady breath before I stormed into the club and straight for Darbys office. A couple men tried to stop us but, Chibs and Op took care of them. I slammed open the door and grinned on the inside when I saw Darby jump five feet out of his chair. I turned and closed the door my eyes never leaving his then I walked up to his desk slamming an envelope full of money on the desk. Darby eyed it carefully before he took it and started counting it "That should be enough to cover her debt with you."_

_I turned to walk out resting my hand on the handle of the door but, I heard his chair scrap on the flooring and he started to walk towards me throwing the money back on the desk. "That is where your wrong boy, she owes a bit more than just a mere few thousand and who is to say that I even want to give her up especially to you." Darby stated behind me_

_I let my fingers slid off of the door and before he had a chance to react I turned around and let my hand contact with the left side of his face. He stumbled to the ground face first and grabbed the back of his head before I smashed his face into the ground. I stood back up and reached for the money. At the sounds coming from the office Opie and Chibs came running into the room. Once they realized that there was no harm coming to me in here they nodded their heads and stood watch. I leaned down once more and grabbed Darby by the back of the neck and came inches from the side of his face. "No you see this will cover her debt after all the beatings that she had to endure from you and all the hospital visits I'd say that this is enough don't you?"_

_When he didn't immediately answer me I pulled his head back and smashed it once again to the floorboards, "Fuck! Shit fine!" Darby cried out from beside me_

_I gave his neck one more squeeze before I shoved the money at his face and walked back to the door, "She will be by tomorrow to pick up her things and her last check and if I hear that you even said a word to her…I will come back to finish what I started."_

_I gave Opie and Chibs one look and I knew they wanted a piece of him before they left. I smiled at them and nodded my head behind me and walked away. Now I just hoped Chelsea would listened for once._

_(End of Jax p.o.v)_

It was the next day and I laid in bed for a few minutes staring at my ceiling. All I knew was that I needed to get this done today. With Jax stepping in and Leroy on his ass there was no way Darby was going to be keeping a hold of that product for long and my chances of finding that out was growing smaller as the hours went by. I had to catch Ash's eye today, today was my one and only shot. I slipped on a pair of lacy red booty shorts and matching bra that had hints of black lace here and there. I then slipped on a black halter dress that dipped low in the neckline so it showed my breasts and the back end of it was open except for the fabric that crossed over in a crossover pattern and a pair of black four inch stiletto heels. I let my curls flow naturally and I pinned the front and top around each other in the back so it looked as if I had braided it in a neat way. I gave myself an outline of a Smokey eye effect but, Instead of black eye shadow I put a dark gold eye shadow on instead, I also placed a light blush on my cheeks and some light pink lipstick that brought out my plump lips. I gave myself a once over and decided it was now or never.

I never thought that I would ever see the last day I would be working in here. Darby glared at me from the office but judging from the shape I could kind of see he was in, I guessed that Jax got his point across. I brought my backpack to the back and started stuffing the clothing that I had paid for and the makeup that was mine. Once I stepped out of the room I let my eyes search the room for Ash. He was leaning against the door smoking a joint with one of the new members of Darby group. I walked over to them and just as he was passing the joint to the new guy I grabbed it from my hand and took a long drag off of it. I watched Ash as he took in my appearance and I could see the light tinge of pink on his cheeks. I blew out the smoke and watched as he shifted awkwardly. I let a smile dance on my lips and I leaned closer into him. "Hey Ash."

Ash eyes trailed to the new guy which clearly said beat it. After he was gone I stood in front of him with my hands on my hips. "So, since I'm done here and you know Darby can't control what happens between us, I was wondering if you wanted to come over for dinner."

Ash eyes darted to the office where Darby was watching us intensely. I put my fingernail on the side of his face and pulled it back to me, "Come on? Are you really going to turn me down? I've had my eye on you for so long Ash. Your so kind and actual care about me and oh let's not forget handsome."

I let my fingernail trail down his face down his neck and then to his chest before he grabbed my hand. I knew I was getting to him. He pulled me slightly towards him and said, "Okay fine what time?"

"Let's say 7?" I said with a playful smirk on my face

"Yeah I can do that."

"Great." I leaned in and gave him a kiss on the cheek for good luck and started on my way home.

I had made a hamburger casserole and bought some rum as I knew that's what he drank I knew that much and if I wanted my night to go the way I wanted I needed him to be drunk and I definitely needed to be drunk. I heard someone knock at my door and I opened the door for Ash to walk in. he dressed up a little then what he normally wore. He was wearing a pair of dark blue jeans and a black button up shirt and he was wearing way too much cologne.

By the time we were done eating the conversation had dulled and we were now sitting on the couch. I was going nowhere with this and fast. The night seemed like it was coming to an end and when he sighed and started to rub his neck I knew what I had to do next. I grabbed the shot glasses and filled his once more and shot that back. I went behind the couch and leaned over placing my hands on his shoulders and started to rub. He seemed to be relaxing into my touch and he moaned slightly, "Wow you're so tense." I told him, making a point to whisper it in his ear.

"Yeah." He moaned out

"Darby must be working you real hard."

"Yeah."

"I didn't think being a bouncer in the club was that hard?"

"No he has started shit with some people now I've been watching it if you know what I mean."

Good the alcohol was taking effect and losing him up. The one thing about Ash was once you got him drunk enough he had a habit of having a pair of loose lips. I went around the couch taking the bottle in my hand and shooting back some of the liquor. What I was about to do next was going to need a lot more of this. Just as the bottle left my lips Ash took the bottle and he took a long drink from it as well. I took the bottle from him and I could already see the effect that the alcohol was taking on him as his eyes started to cloud over. I straddled his hips and leaned into him letting my lips hover over his before I sucked up every last once of strength I had and connected my lips to his. In truth this isn't what I wanted to do. I hadn't done this since Jax. it always felt wrong whenever I did succumb to my need but, now that he is back I had this nagging feeling in the back of my head. I started to trail my lips to his neck and I felt his hands start to rub up and down my thighs. "So is that better?" I asked between kisses

"Mmm."

"But, don't you have to get back to your side job? It is getting late." I asked while grinding against him

He looked down at his watch and he seemed to ponder this. Like a battle was going on in his head before his eyes lit up and he grabbed onto my hips excitedly, "I have an idea why don't we go back to my place that way I can do my job in both departments."

He wiggled his eyebrows at me and I had to suppress the urge to vomit. I gave him a smile and nodded my head, "Let me grab my coat and you can call a cab?"

I gave him a quick kiss and ran up the stairs with my phone in my hand. By the time I had reached my bedroom door I peaked down the hallway before I called Leroy, "This better be good, I'm busy."

"Well you're going to want to stop whatever it is you're doing. It's at Ashs he is bringing me there now I'll text you the address when I get in the cab."

I heard him chuckle from the other end of the line "Good girl. I'll see you shortly."

Once I hung up and grabbed my leather coat I felt bad for what I was doing…there was something in the pit of my stomach that was saying that this was a bad idea and it was going to end bad. I shoved those feelings aside as images of my brother popped into my head and the subtle threat Leroy said to me yesterday, I knew this had to be done.

~~SOA~~

We had been at his place for almost a half an hour and I was praying that Leroy would show up soon. The stuff was in the basement I knew that much because when we came into his house that was the very first place he went. But as soon as he came back upstairs he pinned me to the couch and started the make out session once again. I tried not to grimace when his tongue sloppily entered my own when the door burst open and Ash jumped up from me going straight for his gun. I leaned up onto my elbows and looked at the door to find Leroy and a few others standing side by side with their guns pointed to Ash before he could even reach his gun. "Both of you stand in front of the couch NOW!" Leroy shouted motioning with his gun where he wanted us to stand

I raised my hands slightly and followed Leroy orders. I feigned fright as I didn't want to give anything away to Ash that I was a part of this because after I needed to at least live my life without a death warrant signed to my name. I had Ash on the right side of me and Joshua standing in front of us but more towards me.

Leroy stood at the door facing Ash his eyes never leaving his as the rest of the crew tore apart the house looking for everything. I heard one of the guys yell up for at Leroy and in that one moment that Leroy took his eyes off of Ash to yell at the guy downstairs Ash threw a knife at Joshua hitting him square in the head and Leroy turned around just in time to see what he did and then he shot at Ash. Before I knew it I was on the ground screaming at the top of my lungs as I looked at the two dead bodies that laid in front of me.

I had their blood on me everywhere I looked and I had to turn around to throw up. My vision was getting blurry as I cried out for the way this had turned out. I had never seen a dead body in my life and I could feel myself shaking like crazy and in that moment I couldn't help but want to see Jax. If I would have just told the club about the deal years ago this wouldn't have happened. Nothing that has happened in the last two years would have happened. I felt Leroys hand at my back as he tried to soothe me and I shoved him away from me as hard as I could and went running for the door. As I ran down the sidewalk I could hear Leroy yelling my name telling me to come back but, I knew that I was finally free of my debts and I needed the one man who was always there. So I headed to the only place I knew as home.

~~SOA~~

I could feel the blood drying on my body and I was so glad that it was late at night and no one was out driving around. I wouldn't know what to say if I was found like this. Before long I found myself at TM and I started to wobble up the pavement. My feet were killing me and I wrapped my arms around myself as I realized I had come on a night when a party was going on. Not many people were outside but, my eyes found the deep blue ones I was looking for. His face scrunched up in confusion and when he realized that I was covered in blood he shot up from the table he was at and shoved the pretty blonde that was wrapped around him and was clearly pregnant away from him as he came running towards me. His hands started to pat my body down looking for an open wound and I felt fresh tears spring as I thought about what just happened and I started to shake my head at him. "Chelsea are you okay?" He asked

I shook my head again my voice not finding its way out. He looked me up and down knowing I needed him. He grabbed my shoulders and pointed to the crows nest that we used to sit together and look at the stars when we were young. "Go up there and I will be there in a minute I can't bring you in the club house like that so you are going to have to wait up there I'm going to grab a cloth and some water."

I nodded my head and headed up there waiting for Jax to come up. When he did I saw the worry clearly evident in his eyes. I took the cloth and water from him and started to clean the blood off of me. After all the blood was off my body I knew I needed to talk to him. I didn't look him in the eye and I knew I couldn't right away. I felt new tears come down my cheeks, "I am so, so sorry Jax. I have lied to so many people for so long and I can't do it anymore. Tonight I lied to a boy no older than twenty five but, I lied to him and now he is dead along with someone I trusted for so long when I ran I had no one else to talk to but him. I think it's time that I came clean. When I ran away from this I wasn't running because I wanted to Jax, I loved you so much but I had to. My mother was in a rotten deal with Darby and Leroy which would have hurt you and the club. The blow back would have been massive. I made a deal with Leroy he said if I left and didn't come back that he would stop the deal between them. It didn't save my mother in the long run or my brother. When we were driving away to Oakland one night I was about eight months along and I was due to pop any moment but, another car one of the Mayans they hit the side of the vehicle causing it to roll and I lost her…our daughter. I didn't lie when I said she was gone but, she isn't here and I didn't give her away. Shortly after Darby found me and gave me an alternative deal, I work for him or my brother would die for my mother's debt. So I choose to protect him like I had all those years. Now I'm here, I tried to help Leroy and get away from him for good. Now I have two people deaths on me…what am I going to do Jax?"

He didn't say anything as he pulled me into his chest by my head and I felt all those pent up tears over the years come out and I sobbed in his arms. I felt his lips press to my head and that was what I hung onto for the rest of the night. His arms and his kiss seemed to start to heal the massive wound I had really been hiding all these years.


	6. She Will Never Love You Like I Do

**{Hey guys. I know it's late but, Merry Christmas I hope you all enjoyed it as much as I did. To the guest who reviewed here is the next update I hope you like it and to ckiely I am not sure whether you mean this in a good or bad way. If you mean it in a negative way then I am sorry that you do not like the story and I am sure you are not the only one but, you don't need to comment that if you hate it just don't read it. If you meant it in a positive way because of the chapter you posted it with (chapter 3 Deal Gone Wrong.) then yes it was quite full of drama and you're not the only one that was shocked by the events in it. Thank you to those who had favorite or followed the story since my last update it is much appreciated. I am not sure how to type how Chibs talks I've never been good with accents so please forgive me. As well I am now posting the update schedule in my bio along with any upcoming stories I am working on or ideas that have been given to me but, realize that this can be subject to change if the request for one story is higher than another. This chapter will be really long but, it plays out right before the first episode of the first season, it does have flashbacks throughout it so I'm sorry if you do not like this but, I'm trying out this style of writing as well. Please review, favorite and follow it all means a lot, gives me motivation. I do not own the Sons of Anarchy only my own characters and anything you do not recognize.}**

I stood just a little ways away from where Ashs funeral was being held. I felt that I needed to be there but, it was my fault that he was there so, it felt wrong to actually stand around his grave with all his grieving family and friends. I looked behind me to where Chibs was sitting against his bike smoking. After what happened I had to have someone near me at all times making sure that I stay out of trouble. Most times it was Op or Chibs as everyone else was still pretty mad at me especially Clay but, Jax joined me sometimes, mostly at night though. But, because I had asked him to stay away, he didn't really come around much anymore.

(Flashback)

I felt my head pounding as I laid in bed just waking up from what felt like a heavy night of drinking. I rolled over and was confused, why was I in a dorm room? My eyes widened as I remembered the night before and tears started to fall once more at the images running through my head. I heard a door open from beside me and I turned to see Jax in nothing but a towel standing in his bathroom doorway. As much as I wished that my thoughts would turn to how sexy he looked like that I couldn't let that happen. I looked up at the roof once more and asked, "Who is she?"

"Who?" Jax asked as he walked further into the room

"The girl you were with last night?"

He was quiet for a few minutes, "Wendy."

"Wendy? Who is she to you Jax?"

He knew what I was asking and it pissed me off that he was beating around the bush. "She is

carrying your child am I right?" I asked

When he didn't answer me I knew it was true. I put a hand to my head and pushed my hair out of my face. "Why are you not at home with her…she is your old lady is she not."

"I told her I had things to do here. And she isn't my old lady anymore."

"Does she have your crow?"

"No."

"What's stopping you?"

I didn't get a reply from him and I wondered if it had anything to do with me…but I didn't want to get my hopes up like that. He has a kid with her he wouldn't leave her for me. When I looked back at Jax he had his jeans now on and walked towards the bed with a white shirt and cut in his hand and sat down beside me. "We need to talk about last night Chelsea."

I looked down at his blanket and started to pick at it. "What do you want to talk about…how I stood there and allowed an innocent kid to get hurt…or how about how I betrayed this club to protect my mother and you and the club which just blew up in my face in the end…or what about the baby girl I tried so hard to protect but, failed…"

"Well the first two are club matters so you will be in church today to explain what happened. I want to know what happened with her why did you lie to me?"

"I knew that night you confronted me how much you loved her after all she was your baby to…I couldn't break your heart like that for a second time. I'm sorry Jax I never wanted it to turn out this way."

He looked at me and grimaced. I hated that look, it always looked like he was about to throw a fit. He slipped on his shirt and cut, still not saying a word. "Jax?" I asked cautiously, reaching out to touch his arm

When my fingers just grazed him he stood up and shouted, "Why do you have to do that?"

I pulled my fingers back to my chest and looked at him confused, "Do what Jax?"

"Take everything on by yourself! I have always been there to help you and so has this club but, you choose to take everything on by yourself again and now I gotta take you to church. Somewhere you should never have to be so that you can get the consequence that Clay sees fit." He looked down angrily at me

My blood boiled at this, I know it was not the best decision now and I have always been prepared for Clay's wrath as I did betray the club but, I had done it to protect the people and things that I loved. "I was doing it to protect you Jax! I couldn't have something happening to you with our daughter on the way." I told him calmly

"Did you ever stop to think that maybe I wanted to protect you!" Jax yelled clearly pissed right off

Before I had a chance to say anything a knock came to the door and Jax sighed and went to the door. He opened the door and Gemma stood there with a pile of clothing in her hand and her eyebrows raised. "Is everything okay baby?" she asked eyeing me and Jax

I then realized that I was just sitting in one of Jaxs shirts and that Gemma was holding a set of clean clothes in her hands. Jax leaned in and gave her a kiss on the cheek, "Yeah ma everything is fine," he looked back at me and said, "You've got ten minutes to get ready then you need to be in church. You have no choice."

I nodded my head…I knew this day would come and now was the time to face it. Jax looked back at his mom one more time before he walked out of the room and Gemma walked in. She didn't say anything as she placed the clothes on the bed and walked back to the door. "These are all I have at home that could fit you. I would have just gotten one of the girls to bring you something but, I figured you would want something less slutty to wear." Gemma said and turned back around to leave the room

Once she reached the door her hand lingered on the door knob and she looked back at me "I do understand the need to do absolutely anything to protect the ones you love baby but, not all the men in there do." She said quietly

Once she shut the door I stared at it confused. Gemma was not one for kind words to someone she hates, maybe in the end this could all work out. I slipped the clothes on that Gemma had brought me which consisted of a pair of black pair of yoga pants and a long tank top that was loose and stopped at my hips and a leather jacket. I slipped on the heels I had worn last night and walked out to the church doors. I knocked on the door and I felt all eyes on me outside, I didn't have to turn around to know the glares that were being sent my way. The door opened and the big lovable gruff I know as Op opened the door. He gave me a small smile and I smiled back, he knew how nervous I was by just looking at me and his smile seemed to make some of it better. I stepped in and stood in the entrance awkwardly. Op motioned to his chair and I took that as I sign to sit there. Everyone's eyes never left me and I felt like I was the size of the dust that was on the floor compared to the men in the room. I cleared my throat and looked over to Clay who sighed and spoke up "Would you like to tell us what has been going on? All of it to Chelsea."

I looked over to Jax who seemed to look away almost as if he was not interested in hearing the story. I took a deep breath and let it all go. "When I left those years ago with my baby in me, I was doing it because of a deal I had made with Leroy. That day I had gone home to find my mother in one of her episodes and she confessed about a deal between Darby and Leroy to destroy you and to get you to change the deal you had going with the Mayans to a deal with the Niners-"

Tig snorted in the corner, "That would have never happened."

"Chibs…they were going to use the relationship that was going on between my mother and Chibs to take him and force Clay to do it. When I found out I went to stop it, I didn't want to bring it to your attention because I wanted to protect my mom, and Darby would have never made a deal with me and would have hurt my mother for telling me so, I went to Leroy. The only deal he was willing to make was if I left and never came back so I did…the blow back if I had let it happen or told you would have hurt the club, everyone sitting at this table and my family. So I protected everyone that I could and instead the blow back landed on me instead. I lost my baby when a Mayan car hit the vehicle I was in and sent the car rolling and in turn I lost my baby. Then shortly after my mother died of an overdose but, not before she told Darby everything. He found me and told me that I had to either pay back my mother's debt to him by working for him or my brother would by running and dealing drugs for him. I couldn't let that happen so, I started working for him. When Jax had the fight in Darby's the other day after he saw me, word got back to Leroy that I was back in town he came to talk about the deal we had made. Instead he offered me something else…instead of forcing me out of town I had to help him find his drugs and money that Darby had stolen from him. I used Darbys right hand to show me where it was and last night when he brought me to it, I called Leroy and told him where I was. When they showed up, they held us at gunpoint and Ash went for his knife hitting Joshua in the head which then caused Leroy to shoot Ash. I didn't know where else to go so I came here. I left all my stuff with Leroy when I ran so I couldn't call anyone. I'm asking for you to understand, I knew and still know what I did was wrong. I'm sorry."

After I finished talking I looked around the table to see everyone's face. Some were full of rage, some sad and some confused but, it had to come out. I stood up and gave a small smile, "I take this is where I am supposed to leave so that you can talk and what not…so where do you want me to go."

Clay placed his finger on his temple and said "Go home for now, get the prospect to bring you home and tell him I want him to stay with you until someone comes to talk to you."

I nodded my head and looked over to Jax once more. He still hadn't looked over at me and I was starting to feel that telling him the truth shouldn't have happened. Op placed a hand on my shoulder and I looked up at him. I knew it was his way of telling me that everything would be okay. I turned and headed for the door and just as I reached the door Clay called out to me "Chelsea don't be going nowhere."

(End of flashback)

The funeral session ended and I turned around and went back to Chibs. Once I was within reaching distance he held out his pack of smokes to me. I smiled and took a smoke from him and took a long drag. "Where we goin' now darling?"

"Home I suppose…this is all I wanted to do today." I looked back over my shoulder at where Ash was now buried.

"You know it isn't your fault right…if he hadn't died that day he would have died later down the road. That's the life we all choose to live."

I flicked the ash off my smoke and took another drag, "Yeah I know, I just wish it was different…I was the reason he was there in the first place."

Chibs straddled his bike and I took that as the sign to leave so, I took one more drag off my smoke and hoped onto his bike.

Instead of taking me home he pulled up to my favorite diner in town and shut the bike off. I got off his bike and handed him his helmet and looked at him suspiciously. "I thought you could use a little cheerin' up, I remember takin you here often before you left."

I smiled at him and headed into the diner. I loved the smell of this place it always smelled like freshly baked pie and fresh coffee beans. Chibs came in after me and he placed a hand on my back and started to push me towards an empty booth. As we were coming around the corner I bumped into someone. I stumbled back and immediately apologized, I stopped though when I realized I had bumped into Wendy. Something was off about her, she seemed panicked and quite pale when I took a second glance. She didn't give me the time of day, she just glared at me and shoved past me bumping into my shoulder as she did so.

(Flashback)

I stepped out of church to find everyone staring at me once again, I ignored their looks and walked over to bar counter to the cute kid wearing a cut with no patches. He raised an eyebrow at me as he whipped the counter. "Clay says you are to bring me home and not leave until someone comes to the house."

He nodded his head and started to put stuff away so that we could leave. He knew better then to question what a member said especially if he wanted to stay apart of the club and in a years time get voted in. The door slammed opened and I turned around to see the blonde pregnant lady from last night but, once she locked eyes with me I knew who this Wendy was that Jax was now with. Wendy and I go back to my rebellious stage in high school, she always got us into trouble but we went separate ways when meaningless trouble turned into using and abusing drugs. I always promised myself the furthest I would go would be pot but, Wendy wanted more, so I backed out. I couldn't believe that this was the girl Jax was with. The unfortunate part is it didn't look like she was healthy enough to say that she had stopped using drugs. She walked towards me and she was pissed. She placed her hands on her hips and tried to stare me down. "What the hell do you think you are doing?"

"It's nice to see you to Wendy."

"Don't give me that why are you back here?"

"That's club business now Wendy she can't tell you that." The prospect spoke up from behind me

"The hell it is! What are you back here for? Him?"

"As much as I wish it was that simple Wendy it isn't and the prospect is right." I tried to show her that I wasn't interested in talking by turning around to face the prospect again

She grabbed my arm and spun me around to face her and she stuck her finger in my face "He is mine!" she hissed, "You left him behind and he came running to me. I have been here where as you haven't. You used him and this club so why are you back! He is mine, I am carrying his baby!"

I ripped my arm from her grip and stood straight so I could stare her down. "I did not come back for him and good for you. You managed to scoop up my leftovers and my life because you couldn't get him to love you on his own! As far as I am concerned you are still the spoiled drug addict I knew all those years ago, so get fucking bent!"

She looked ready to rip my head off when we heard someone clear their throat and we looked behind her to see Gemma and the prospect standing there. The prospect looked uncomfortable but, Gemma looked impressed. I gave Wendy one more harsh look and walked out of the club house to the van that the prospect took me to.

(End of flashback)

We had finished our dinner and Chibs had taken me home. Happy was waiting for me in the living room of my house. I put my purse down on the table and walked over to the Happy, my arms crossed in front of my chest. "May I ask how you got in here?"

Happy snorted and said, "You have a job to do."

"And what is that exactly?"

"One of Tig's daughters is supposed to come down here and see him but, she refuses to allow one of us to go get her, she wants an old lady to do it. Gemma is busy with her charity event and Luann can't leave her business here so Clay is sending you."

"I don't have a say in this do I?"

Judging by the look he gave me, I knew the answer to that question. "Don't ask what you don't want the answer to right Chels." A voice said from behind me

I turned around to see Jax standing in the doorway, arms crossed with a set of keys dangling from his fingers. He looked at me and walked over to me, handing me the keys in the process. "This is only for the way there and back then you will bring it back to the shop."

If I remembered correctly Tigs daughter that I would be picking me up would be Dawn as his other daughter wanted nothing to do with Tig at all. She was such a brat when she was a little girl...I wonder if she had changed at all? "Can I have moment with you please?" I turned and ask Jax before he had the chance to blow me off once more

He looked wryly at me before he nodded his head. I walked up into my bedroom shutting the door behind us. I crossed my arms and stare at him making sure he could see how upset I was. "Is this how it's going to be? Between us?"

(Flashback)

I had been home for most of the day and still no one had come to tell me what conclusion they had come to. I had said goodnight to the prospect who I had found out name was half sack, and left him on my couch downstairs as I head up to my bed. I found today that I was missing my old life more and more. I knelt down beside my bed and pulled out a small chest that I liked to say was my forbidden chest. It contained clothing and other trinkets that I had taken with me when I left. Most of which I shouldn't have taken as they had something to do with the sons but, I wanted my daughter to have something to remember her father by. I pulled out the small fleece blanket that I had gotten at my baby shower that had a reaper on one corner and the name Teller embroidered on the opposite corner and the rest of the blanket was a light pink color. I held it up to my face and rubbed my face with it before my eyes landed on one of Jaxs white shirts I had grabbed when I left. I found it comforting especially since his distinct smell lingered on it. I stood up and shed my clothing leaving just my underwear on and slipped his shirt on. Then I pushed the chest back under the bed and grabbed the blanket and curled up under it, facing towards the door. I pulled my face into my chest, to try and smell what little remained of his smell as I curled the baby blanket under my face. "What are you doing?" Someone asked from the doorway.

I shot up in the bed, trying to shove the blanket underneath me as I do so. I looked to the door to see Jax standing there amused at my reaction. I was surprised that I hadn't notice the door open or someone standing there but, being that it was Jax I relaxed a little. He stepped forward and closed the door, "Where is half sack?" I asked

"Sent him home for the night figured I could handle you on my own."

I watched him walk to my bed and I scooched over a little so he could sit at my side. "So what is the verdict?"

He laughed quietly at me, "Straight to the point huh."

"You have kept me waiting all day, forgive me I'm impatient."

He looked at my door, his eyes never leaving it as he said "You're on house arrest until further notice. Clay says you now owe a debt to the club and that could be anything and at any time so until he is convinced that you won't run you are on house arrest. You will have a club member with you wherever you go and whether or not you are an old lady you will help out around the club like you use to."

"Okay I can deal with that. I need a new job anyways."

It was only after I had agreed to the deal that he turned and looked at me. His face scrunched up and he looked me over once more, "Is that my shirt?" He asked clearly amused

He had finally smiled and laughed when I nodded my head. I knew I had to have been blushing from head to toe but, I didn't care at that moment. Since the moment I saw him his smile was what got me through my day and since I came back, he never smiled like he use to and it broke my heart. Before I realized it Jax had pulled the baby blanket from under the blanket and held it in his hands. I started to fidget with my hands as I watched him stare at it, his fingers running over the embroidery. " I wanted her to remember who she came from...even if I choose to take her out if it," I whispered I could feel the tears start to fall down my cheeks as I remembered what I wanted to do for her...the life I wanted her to live, "Sometimes all I had to push through my day was her blanket and this shirt...they were memories of a time I wanted to go back to."

As the tears started to come faster I went to push my tears away when I felt a hand wrap around mine. I looked up startled to see Jaxs hand gripping mine tight and his eyes looking worriedly into my own. While his one hand gripped at mine his other hand reached forward to caress my cheek pushing the tears away. I felt that familiar pull again and I found myself leaning towards him and to my surprise he was to. Before either of us could pull away Jax closed the distance letting out lips mold together. Before I knew it the kiss had gotten hungry, passionate and aggressive. Jax pushed me backwards so I was laying on my back as he shoved the blankets away. His lips never left mine and his hand that was holding mine was now on my neck pulling me closer to him while mine entangled in his hair pulling him to me as well. Once he had the blankets away he had one knee between my legs and the other on the other side of my right leg. He licked my bottom lip for entrance and I tried to tease him and deny him but he sucked on my bottom lip biting it in the process. I gasp and arched my back slightly and he growled slipping his tongue in my mouth. He left my mouth and started to trail kisses and bites down my neck while his other hand caressed my left out her thigh, playfully playing with my shirt. I started to slide my hands down under his shirt so I could feel his abs. The moment my fingers started to trace the lines of his abs he pulled away abruptly as if my touch had shocked him. He looked at me guiltily before he pulled away completely standing up and heading for the door. I sat up breathing heavily and looked at him. "What the hell Jax! Jax!"

I got no reply and all I heard from him was mumbling about what he was doing.

(End of flashback)

Jax stood in front of me his hands in his pockets, looking everywhere but at me. I took a step towards him and repeated "I asked you a question Jaxson now I expect an answer."

He looked at me sharply, "Now you know how it feels right Chels." He said coldly

I took a step back and he looked at me instantly feeling guilty, "Look I'm sorry, I have Wendy and a baby on the way and she is due any day I can't do this with you...not right now" he apologized

He walked past me to leave and just as he reached the door I choked out, "She will never love you like I still do Jaxson remember that."

I left one tear fall from my eye as I swore that it would be the last one I shed for him...he made his choice so I made mine... The same one I made two years ago...that I would be back and I would wait however long it would take to get the man I love back in my arms one way or another he would be mine again.


	7. Be a Father

**{Hey guys I apologize a million times over that I'm this late. I promise it won't be like this for long I am just in the process of figuring out how to balance this, work and school. I would like to start by saying thank you to India thank you for your review here is the next chapter. As well I would like to say thank you to everyone who has favorite or followed since my last update or has continued to do such.**

**Just a little side note for those who I haven't contacted or haven't read it in my bio after these rounds of updates I will be going back and reviewing previous chapters to look for mistakes. I apologize ahead of time for the wait but, due to an unwanted flame that came with another fiction of mine I have decided I will go back and fix what I find wrong with all my stories. If I make mistakes I do apologize but I am only human and there is only so much I can find. I do not own the Sons of Anarchy only my own character(s) and anything that u do not recognize}**

Tap...tap...tap

My new manicured nails tapped on the wheel

Tap...tap...tap

A sigh escaped my lips as I leaned my head against the window and looked at my reflection in the side mirror. I had chosen to wear a pair of light blue skinny jeans with a white tank top that ended just after my belly button and a white sweater that I had left open but had buttons on the sides. I also had a pair of black suede boots with a four inch heel that came up to mid calf and had buttons up the outer side of the boots. It was a hot day so I had braided the sides of my hair back into a pony tail and my bangs were bumped up and pinned back.

Tap...tap...tap

Screw this, I turned the keys and pulled the keys from the ignition, standing up out of the vehicle and walking towards the house. I had been sitting outside of Fawns house for almost an hour waiting for Dawn to hurry her ass up. My heels clicked across the pavement as I wandered up the sidewalk, I looked around me as I twirled the keys around on my fingers. Just as I was reaching the steps Fawn came storming out of the house right for me with Dawn trying to pull her back inside with a backpack slung over her shoulder. "You." Fawn pointed at me

I rose my eyebrows and stopped where I was, "Yes, Fawn it's nice to see you again to."

"Come on Fawn, you don't have to do this." Dawn pleaded behind her

"Shut up Dawn. Listen to me miss biker chick Dawn is not going with you so you can turn your sweet butt back to your car and drive back to our father and tell him to fuck off!" Fawn threatened angrily

I let out a little laugh as I crossed my arms over my chest. "I don't have time for this Fawn, Tig sent me to pick her up and I'm not leaving until I do."

"No fuck that, he can't come pick her up himself then he doesn't deserve to see her." Fawn fought back

"I want to see dad Fawn, so I'm leaving." Dawn pouted

I rolled my eyes as the girls continued to bicker between each other, some things never change. "I don't care Dawn, I want to talk to dad now." Fawn ordered turning on me

I rose my hands in a mock surrender and walked back to the car. They may be in their twenties now but, they both still acted like the spoiled eight year olds I knew before. I opened the passenger side door and leaned in to grab my phone. It vibrated slightly in my hand as I held it and when I stood up, I realized I had a bunch of texts from multiple people. Dawn stood behind me screaming at her sister to stop being so controlling and I took the chance to scan over the texts. My eyes widened as I looked them over,

Tiggy: Hey doll, got my girl yet?

Gemma: Call the clubhouse now!

Op: Hey Chels Jax needs you right now. Hurry up with Dawn and get to St. Thomas as soon as possible

Jax: Wendy is in the hospital I need you to get back here when you can, I need your help."

That's all I needed to read before I reached over and grabbed Dawns arm and shoved her in the car, slamming the door behind her. "Hey! What do you-" Fawn started to yell at me

I pointed one finger at her, "Shut up right now Fawn Tragger. Something has happened back home and I don't got time to deal with your bullshit and games. Your sister is going to be coming with me whether you like it or not and if you have such a problem with it call your father."

I didn't give her the chance to reply and walked back to the driver side door. The moment I took off from the house and a furious freaking out Fawn, I dialed Gemmas number first. She picked up on the first ring, "Where are you right now?"

"I'm just leaving Fawns place. What's going on Gem?"

"She miscarried and I'm pretty sure some of the drugs she was doing had something to do with it. Doctors haven't told us anything yet were still waiting."

"Are you serious?" It was more of a rhetorical question but, still really?

I knew something was up when I saw her last but, it wasn't my place and half the time high or not she looked that way and I had enough on my plate at the time. Even if I had said anything to Jax the way our relationship is now, he wouldn't believe me. Hell I was surprised that I even got a text on the situation at least from him. "Okay I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Okay I'll call you if there is any updates."

I hung up the phone and glanced over to where Dawn sat more curious then ever. "Don't ask." I told her

I slipped my sunglasses over my eyes and turned up the stereo.

~~SOA~~

We were there in under thirty minutes with me blindly ignoring the speed limit but, no one needed to know that. I stopped off at the clubhouse and left Dawn with Half sac before I took off for the hospital.

I didn't waist one moment in running into the hospital straight to the maternity ward. I saw everyone there standing with a doctor who I vaguely recognized. As I got closer both Gemma and the doctor called out for Jax who was now storming off towards me. "Jax?" I whispered as he got here.

"Stay with ma and both you go with Tara...I have something I got to do."

Tara...now I realized why I recognized her. Well now isn't this lovely all three of his ex's are now sitting in the same area...great. Tara and I had dated Jax in high school but, Jax left Tara for me and we fell in love and well you know the rest. Jax didn't look happy and both Bobby and Chibs went out after him on Clays orders. I walked up to Gemma and I could see Wendy behind her and from what I could tell she was no longer pregnant. I looked up to Gemma fearful of what she was going to tell me, I knew what it was like to loose a baby even if it was her fault this would destroy Jax after what I have told him. Gemma shook her head "No, Abel is in surgery...she had a emergency C-section and he is ten weeks premature. He has the family heart defect and a tear in his abdomen all because of her crank problem. He has a twenty percent chance of survival."

"Oh my god." I replied placing a hand over my chest.

"Gemma?" Tara called behind us

Gemma turned to face Tara with an irritated look. She pulled a card from her pocket and walked over to Tara, "Here is my number call me if Abel's condition changes."

Then Gemma turned to me, "I'm going to go to Jax place, clean up a little do you want to help?"

I nodded my head and after one more look at Tara I followed Gemma out.

~~SOA~~

I unlocked the door to Jax's home and had to stop myself from gagging at the smell and the mess. The worst of the mess from what I could tell so far was the pool of blood on the kitchen floor probably from when she miscarried. Wendy was never the cleanest of people but, I never thought she was this bad. Gemma pushed past me with a bag full of cleaning supplies and walked straight for the kitchen, "Didn't think it was this bad hey? Neither did I." Gemma called behind her.

"Mmm." I replied as I closed the door.

My eyes scanned over the living room in front of me and I placed the keys on the ledge. This was supposed to be my life and I let Wendy take it and ruin two lives with it. I gritted my teeth and Gemma walked up beside me her hands on her hips, "Well baby why don't you start at the back and I'll start with the kitchen and we will meet back in the living room."

I looked over to Gemma and let the question slip, "Why are you letting me help you with this? I didn't think we would talk after everything..."

"Let's just say that Wendy has past you right now and I also know what it feels like to want to do everything you can for family even if you went about it wrong. It doesn't mean I forgive you or agree with the choice you made but, I believe you will prove everyone wrong and earn your way back. That's what women like me and you do not take a cowards way out like that junkie whore."

I smiled at Gemma, that women always had a way with words. I grabbed one of the bags that had some more cleaning supplies in it and went to the back. When I walked to the back I started in the first room in the back which happened to be the master bedroom. I let out a deep sigh when I saw the disaster I was faced with. Clothing scattered everywhere, some broken glass in the corner and something with a foul smell. I walked around the room for the source behind the smell and saw what looked to be a few days old vomit on the floor. I rolled my eyes and placed my hands on my hips as I tried to not loose my temper. When I turned around my boot hit something with a thump. I looked to the floor and saw the corner of a picture frame hiding under a bunch of clothing. I bent down and pulled the picture out from under the clothes, it was a small rectangular light brown frame with the word family engraved into it. There was two pictures in it, one of the ultrasounds and the other picture was one of Jax and Wendy.

They looked happy and I found myself smiling not at their picture but, the ultrasound. I had mine hidden in the forbidden treasure box but, I still found myself looking at them from time to time. I let my fingers trail over both pictures before I stood up and placed it on one of the bedside tables. Once I set it on the table I noticed the drawer was open and when I tried to close it, something was catching in it. I gave it a hard tug as I tried to get it open. Once I got it open I saw the false bottom drawer and that the cause of the jam was the piece of wood. I pulled out some more baggies of crank, a gun and some unused needles, I shook my head. I looked back at the door, I should show Gemma but not only did she have enough to deal with but I knew that she was already pissed off enough at Wendy without this new piece of knowledge. I shoved the baggies into my pockets and replaced the false bottom.

~~SOA~~

We were cleaning for what seemed like hours before I finally finished the back area and I had just walked out to meet Gemma in the kitchen where she was just starting a smoke. She held out a smoke for me and I smiled and took it, lighting it and taking a long drag. She motioned to the living room "Let's get the last room done." She more told then asked

I nodded my head and followed her in. We both started to pick up the toys and clothing strewn about. "He will be okay." I whispered not looking back to her

"How do you see that Chelsea? My grand baby is barely surviving because of that junkie whore."

"Because Jax deserves something good for once and without hope what does that little guy have besides a minimal chance."

She didn't say anything back but, I knew what I said affected her in someway. We had been working in silence for a few minutes when the front door opened and Jax stepped in. I stopped cleaning and looked at him, his eyes searched mine for a minute until he looked over to his mom, who hadn't noticed his arrival yet. He was tired, sad and stressed you could see that clearly and my heart broke all over again for him, "Its almost midnight." He said walking into the living room

Gemma turned to look at him surprised before turning back around, "This place is a god damn pigsty." She stated

I had to stifle a laugh when I thought about it, it was definitely more then a pigsty when we first arrived. Pigsty was putting it nicely. Jax sat on the arm of the couch beside me and stated the obvious "Clean was never her strong suit."

"What are you doing here?" Gemma asked

"It's my house." Jax said lightly

I smiled but, Gemma didn't seem to find this funny "You know what I mean, I don't want you to see it this way."

"Mom you don't have to do this."

I watched from the corner as Gemma busied herself with another part of the room. "Look I just want to make it live able. Buy you some decent carpet, cigarette burns everywhere."

"Mom-"

"Get you out of that dorm room and back home with your son."

"Mom for christ sakes stop cleaning." Jax shouted pushing himself off the couch

Gemma looked up at him shocked and I sat on the edge of the couch opposite of where Jax was. I knew very well that this was a fight I should stay out of. Gemma stood up to face him. "He's not going to make it." Jax said

I scrunched up my eyebrows did something happen...or was he just giving up? Gemma voiced my concerns "Wh-what are you talking about? What happened?"

Even I stood up at this point, worry taking over, "He was born with a half a stomach and a hole in his heart. He's gonna die!" Jax remarked

Gemma smacked him hard across the cheek, so hard that even I flinched. "Don't you say that. You are the only one this boys got. You don't believe he's going to live you might as well go down there and kill him yourself." She lectured before turning away from Jax and walking back to the kitchen to light up a smoke

Jax looked at me and I shook my head at him following Gemma out. He came up behind me and smacked his gloves against his hands and leaned up against one of the poles. It was quiet for a few moments before Gemma whispered, "I'm sorry, you gotta go see him Jax."

"I can't."

"Why not?" I knew it wasn't my place to speak but I couldn't help the question that escaped my lips

When he didn't answer me, even Gemma turned around to see where I was going with this. I leaned against the counter and crossed my arms over my chest, "Why can't you? Because you think it will break your heart...it's called being a parent Jaxson, a father."

Jax pushed off the pole and stood in front if me peering into my face, "For what a day? A week?"

My eyes flicked to Gemma and I bit my lip, this isn't a conversation I wanted to have here. He sighed and sat at the table with Gemma who offered her smoke to him. "You know...you were born with that same heart defect your little brother had," she leaned over and hit him in the chest, "You seem pretty sturdy to me. I came threw hell and landed on my feet. Your father was hit by a god damn semi dragged a hundred and seventy eight yards. And that bastard lived for another two more days. Tellers do not die easy." Gemma soothed Jax

"No we just die bloody." Jax said instead.

I couldn't help the laugh that escaped my lips which earned a smile from both of them. "That's the Irish in us." Gemma replied

"When you and dad hooked up...he ever talk to you about his vision? About what he wanted from the club." Jax asked innocently

The air turned tense and serious and Gemma looked down at her smoke, "His vision was...you know...what it is. A brotherhood, family." She said carefully...almost like she was hiding something

"And running guns he wanted that?"

"We never talked about that, why?" Gemma asked getting up

"Found a box of his old shit in the storage unit. There's like pictures and journals. Things I never knew about him."

"What kinds of things?" She seemed uninterested but her actions said otherwise

"Seemed like his original idea for the MC was something simpler. You know social rebellion, he called it a Harley commune. It wasn't outlaws it was really hippie shit."

John had a different vision for the club? I bit my bottom lip as I concentrated on their conversation, "We had a lot of bright ideas back then...we were kids. Your father became a man and men take care of business."

Classic Gemma I thought as I uncrossed my arms and hung my fingers in the loops of my jeans. Jax watched my moves carefully his eyes scanning over me. I had to look a way from his tense stare. After a moment he chuckled and said, "Yeah we do."

"You should get home mom, finish cleaning tomorrow. I'll lock up" Jax suggested

Gemma seemed to think about this before she smiled and nodded her head. She walked over to Jax and gave him a kiss. "Okay darling good night."

"Good night mom."

"Goodnight baby." Gemma looked at me as she picked up her keys and purse, "You want a ride?"

I pushed myself off the counter to go with Gemma but Jax placed his hand on my stomach to stop me and said, "I'll drive her home tonight ma."

Gemma looked between us before she nodded her head, "I'll see you back here tomorrow then Chelsea."

I smiled and stepped away from Jaxs hand, it was starting to distract me. Once Gemma left he stood up and looked down at me, "I just got something to do first then we can go."

I stood in the kitchen for a few minutes but, when I heard him clanging around in the bedroom I knew what he was looking for. I walked to the bedroom and leaned against the door. "Fuck." He swore under his breath

I pulled the baggies from my pockets and held them in my fingers, "Is this what you're looking for?"

He looked back to me and shook his head. He stood up and grabbed them from me, "Sorry, the house is in my name...they find it and it can fall back to me to."

"I didn't say anything, I just didn't want your mother to find them."

He walked past me and went straight to the bathroom before flushing them down the toilet. I followed him there and crossed my arms over my chest. He just stood there staring at the now empty toilet. I walked up to him so that I was with in reaching distance but, he still wouldn't look at me. "You need to go see Abel Jaxson...one parent tried to kill him. Don't let him go without knowing what it's like to have a parents love. I never had the chance to be a parent and I have no idea if I ever will but, whether it is for a few hours, a few days, weeks or even years you need to take the chance at being a father. If there is one thing we know in this world we live in, it's that you never know how long someone has. Now your little guy is fighting for his life, even if he doesn't make it don't let him leave this world not knowing what it was like to have love. The closest I got to being a mom was when they took our daughter from me and I barely got a chance to look at her, your mother had Thomas for years before the family heart condition took him. My point is you never know how long you have with someone before their gone...so go see your son please Jax. If you don't it wont just be your mother that's going to have an issue with you." I spoke as gentle as I could

His eyes searched mine before he enveloped me in his arms, crushing me hard against his chest. I was surprised at first but I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and let him hold me. I knew he needed this and this wasn't something many men in the club could get, comfort. After a few moments he pulled away and walked past me. I looked at myself in the mirror for a fleeting moment before I followed after him.

~~SOA~~

He drove me home shortly after and as I was handing him his helmet back, he seemed almost hesitant to take it. When he finally did, I looked behind me at my home before I asked him, "You know if you don't want to go back to the dorms tonight I have a spare room, you could stay here tonight...you know if you want."

"Chels..." Jax started

He immediately looked down at the front of the bike avoiding my gaze. I started to fiddle with my fingers as I walked backwards, "You know that was inappropriate for me to ask...I should probably get to bed. Ride safe."

As soon as I was done speaking I basically all but ran for my front door. I thought I heard Jax mumble something but, at the moment I didn't care. What was I thinking? The moment I got the door closed behind me, my back fell into it and fell to the floor. The keys dropped from my fingers and my hands came to my face. I could taste the salty taste of the tears that fell from my eyes. I really didn't understand why I was crying...maybe Abel's condition was causing me to remember what I felt when I miscarried. A sob came from my lips and I was trying to get myself under control when a knock came to the door. My eyes shot open and I slowly stood up, peaking through the peephole in the door. Jax was standing awkwardly at the door, he knocked again and his voice came through the door, "Chels?"

I quickly wiped my tears away and took a deep breathe before I opened the door. Jax looked me over startled at my appearance, "Sorry, um is there something I can help you with Jax?"

He didn't answer me instead he walked into my house shutting the door behind him. I walked backwards as he stood over me. His hand landed on my cheek as he caressed it and my back hit the wall right before my stairs. His eyes searched mine and he placed his forehead against mine. He seemed to be battling something as all I could see was him clenching his jaw. My breathing deepened and he mumbled, "I loved you so much Chelsea...when you left, I was lost and I took comfort in Wendy...she was there and I never thought I would see you again and I was so angry and I don't even know how I feel anymore about you...about us...what do I do Chels?"

Another tear escaped my eye and he brushed it away. His lips slowly came towards mine before he placed them over mine. It seemed hesitant at first but, it became passionate and heated. His hand that was on my cheek buried itself in my hair and his other one trailed down my side to my ass. He squeezed it and I gasped, he took this opportunity to stick his tongue in my mouth. I ran one of my hands through his hair and the other ran over the scruff he had on his jaw. This was different then the last time, this time it seemed like he was finally allowing himself to feel something again. That it wasn't just out of lust this was out of love. His hand gripped the back of my thighs and pulled me up to his waist and I wrapped my legs around him. My hands ran down his chest and I moaned into the kiss. As his one hand held me up, his other hand started to go under my shirt. I needed to stop this, as much as I craved this I couldn't let this continue, not with everything going on. I pulled away slightly and he closed his eyes and let me go. "No Jax...listen it's not that I don't want this...I do trust me but, with everything with Abel and Wendy, I think you need to concentrate on that first. If you still want this after that's all done then we will give it a shot."

Jax shoved his hands into his pockets before he spoke, "Can I still stay here at least."

I smiled and laughed, "Of course, you can stay as long as you want."

I walked past him to the hallway closet pulling out a blanket and a couple pillows. "Hey Chels?" Jax asked behind me

"Mhm?" I mumbled as I closed the door.

"Your not going to run again right?" he rubbed the back of his neck as he asked me this

I smiled and walked up to him, handing him the blankets and pillows. I placed my hand on his cheek as I answered "Your mom said earlier that men take care of business right? Well women take care of family...so no I wont go again...this is my home and my family to. Even if you and I don't get back together."

I gave his cheek a soft pat before I headed up the stairs. "Bedroom is the one across from mine, you can help yourself to anything around the house.

I couldn't help the girlish smirk that crossed my face. Maybe things would start to look up for us now?


	8. Distance

**{Hey guys, sorry this has been late. I have been updating all my chapters as I go along so this round of updates is coming later than normal. I am actually quite surprised that I have as many people into this story because of some of the grammar and sentences but, thank you for keeping patient with me. I would like to thank india-guest and NatalieLynn for your reviews, I am glad that you are enjoying the story so far and I hope you like this chapter as well. To everyone who has either favorite or followed, thank you as well it is very inspirational. This chapter is more of a filler with some fluff because the next chapter will be kind of depressing so I thought I would give you guys a happy chapter. I do not own the Sons of Anarchy only my own character and anything that you do not recognize.}**

I woke up to a delicious smell wafting through my home. At first I was alarmed as I lived alone until I remembered that I told Jax he could stay with me for the night. I swung my legs over the bed and reached for my robe and tied it loosely around my body. I slowly walked down the stairs and peaked my head around the corner. Jax was standing over my stove with one of rock radio stations playing from my speakers in the living room. I felt a blush creep up on my cheeks as I watched Jax move around the kitchen in nothing but, his pants. I felt myself admiring his reaper tattoo, I almost forgot what it looked like placed on his back. I rubbed my hands up and down my arms and let a little bubble of laughter escape my lips when Jax started to dance slightly. This caught his attention and he smiled at me. "Well, good morning beautiful." Jax complimented

"Pfft." I smirked and basically dragged my feet to the table.

"How long have you been up?" I asked him

"About an hour, figured I would make you some breakfast to say thanks before I took off."

My smile slipped into a frown as I heard this, "You're leaving already?"

Jax started to fill the plates with breakfast and he didn't reply to me until he sat down at the table with me. "I got some business to take care of today with the boys."

I rolled my eyes, he was so secretive when it came to what he did on a day to day basis. It wasn't like I wanted to know every single detail but, if Jax ever wanted to try a relationship with me again, that had to change. Even if he didn't tell me everything Gemma always gave me the answers I was looking for. Which in the end always ended up in a fight between us. I didn't feel like having a fight this morning so, I picked up my fork and started to eat my food. This was the closest I had been to him in a while and it felt nice, I didn't want to ruin it. "So what's up with Opie lately, I don't see him around the club much and when I do something always seems to be bothering him?"

Jax looked up to me, thoughtful for a moment, "You know how Donna lost it when Opie went to jail?"

"Yeah?"

"Well when Op got out Donna refused to allow it to happen again. So he isn't around much and isn't really apart of anything anymore. But because he is trying to earn straight, their in debt and their struggling just to make ends meet. But Donna refuses to allow us to help in anyway."

"That sounds like Dona. She was never one to accept this life fully. She married Opie because she loved him and I doubt she would change that for the world. What she would change is the life that came with Opie."

Jax nodded his head and went back to eating his breakfast "What are you doing today?" Jax asked secretly

I raised my eyebrow at him, "I'm not exactly sure today, I believe Gemma wanted some more help today and if you wouldn't mind I would like to visit Abel if I get a chance." I asked

"How about you tell me when you're there and I'll come by and visit my son."

I couldn't help the wide smile that spread across my face. "So you came around hey?"

"Well I could hardly say no when you and my mother cornered me like that last night. You know you guys were always really good at that."

I let out a chuckle, "I wouldn't really say that we cornered you, we just expressed how we felt. Obviously you listened and took it to heart or you wouldn't be doing this."

We finished eating with some more small talk before Jax headed back upstairs to have a shower and get ready to leave. I was still downstairs in my robe doing the dishes when my phone rang from my purse that I had left on the stand by the door. I quickly dried off my hands on a dish towel before I ran over to my phone just in time to answer it, "Hello."

"Hey it's Gemma."

"Hey Gem. What can I do for you?"

"I need to finish up at Jaxs house but, I was suppose to be looking after the shop today? Would you be able to cover for me until I can get back?"

I pulled my phone away from my ear and looked at the time. I would have an hour to get ready and get there. I placed the phone back to my ear, "Okay, I'll be there."

"Great! There isn't much to do just the same paperwork you did before when you worked with me. Do you need a ride out there?"

I could see Jax start to descend the stairs and he gave me an odd look, "No. I have a ride but, thank you for the offer."

"Okay well then I will talk to you later sweetheart."

"Bye Gem."

"Why is my mother calling you? And where do you need a ride to?"

"She needs someone at the shop so do you think you could give me a ride, if you got time?"

Jax gave me his cheeky smile before he gave me a light kiss on the cheek, placing his hands on my hips "Jax-" I started to lecture him

"I know Chels. If you wont allow me to try and be with you then at least let me kiss you. Even if it's not like I use to." Jax interrupted

"I just...I may not like Wendy but, she is unstable and this would destroy her. I need you to have your head on straight before we commit to anything."

Jax just nodded his head and gave me another kiss on the cheek, "Well, if you want a ride go get ready."

I gave him another smile before I bounded up the stairs. I slipped on a nice pair of deep red leggings, a grey sullen art tank top and a red plaid button up t-shirt. I placed a pair of nice suede flat boots on with a necklace and couple bracelets. For my hair I did small curls and a little bit of eyeliner and eye shadow. I was just spraying on some perfume when Jax found his way into my bedroom. He leaned against the door frame with his arms crossed across his chest. "You ready to go yet?"

"Yeah, I was just about to head downstairs."

I tried to walk by him but what he said stopped me in my tracks, "You look good today."

I felt the blush creep onto my face and I mumbled a thanks to him as I walked past him. "This thing with my ma, it seems to be going pretty well considering."

"Well, I don't believe that she fully forgives me but, she understands now. She is willing to give me that chance again and I think trusting me around her family is a big step, even for me. But, I'm not complaining. Besides I'm sure she has some agenda and you and I both know that." I replied, not looking over at him as I bent over to grab my purse.

"Well, I don't doubt that you're wrong there."

I turned around to face him and saw him looking at me curiously. I reached over to my dresser and grabbed my house keys. Then I played with them in my hands for a few seconds as I mumbled, "Can I ask you something and don't take it the wrong way."

"Yeah?"

"Tara...she is back to now?"

"Yeah?" He answered, more curious now to see where I was going with this.

"Will that effect your decision on us? You know when we decided to approach that subject."

He gave me a soft smile and he walked up to me, wrapping his arms around me and drawing me into his chest. "No, darling. What Tara and I had wasn't anything like what we did. Sure I liked Tara more then Wendy but, she wasn't up for this lifestyle whereas you were fine with it and even tried to work with it and my mother."

I breathed in his scent once more feeling a little more content with myself this morning now that I knew that for sure. I pulled away and started to walk down my stairs. If my morning could start off like this for the rest of my life then, I would be perfectly fine. But, if only I actually knew how wrong that statement was going to be.

~~SOA~~

Being on the back of Jax's bike again made me realize how much I missed the long rides we used to take together. When we pulled up to TM and after I got off the bike, I couldn't help but notice the long uncertain stares we were getting from some of the club members. I suppose that was bound to happen considering what had happened but, these were people I was close to before and now it would take even more to earn their trust back. Jax saw me staring and followed my line of eyesight until he caught onto what I was looking at. "Hey, don't let them get to you. They will come around eventually, I would go see Chibs at one point today. I'm sure he would like to see you again."

I nodded my head and he continued to speak "You know you should look into getting your own sets of wheels. I don't you walking around like this."

"I got some money saved up. A few hundred more and I will have enough for a good car."

Jax nodded his head and I gave Jax his helmet back. "So, I guess I will be seeing you around?"

"Yeah, Lowell should have the back up set of keys for you until mom gives you your own set again."

I smiled at Jax once more before I walked down the lot towards the garage. When Lowell set his eyes on me, he looked beyond excited. Lowell was my favorite mechanic around here, he was somewhat bashful and at one point had a junkie problem. Once Clay made him clean up his act, he became a very enjoyable person to be around. "That is a face I haven't seen in a very long time." he said

I allowed Lowell to give me a hug and I replied, "Yeah, well hopefully you will be seeing a lot more of me. How is the kid doing?"

"Moby is doing great, I see him a little more then I use to and Clay even lets me bring him around sometimes. Maybe you can see him one time."

I gave a pat to Lowells back and said, "I don't see why not. Jax says you got back up keys to the office, mind letting me in?"

"Oh yeah not at all. Is Gemma not coming in today?"

"At one point she is. She just has some other things to do this morning."

Lowell happily opened the door and retreated back to working on the vehicle that he was before I interrupted him. I closed the door behind me and opened the front door to let some fresh air in. I looked around me to look over the room. Gemma still kept it as clean and organized as the last time I was in here. There were a few things on the desk and as I searched through them, I realized these were the orders that Lowell should be working on today. Beside that stack was another stack of papers with a sticky note attached that said uncompleted orders to be filed. I placed my purse on the desk and let out a sigh. At least this job was better than working for Darby.

~~SOA~~

It had been a hectic day, with all the orders coming and going. I forgot how crazy Gemmas job could be at times. Not to mention the odd son that would make their way in here to see if I was doing alright or with some other issue they needed me to solve. It was about two in the afternoon when a tall gentlemen around thirty with dark brown hair, with some tattoos and his ears stretched walked into the office. The first tattoo that caught my eye was the swastika that was on the side of his neck. I put down my pen and stood up, hoping that this guy wasn't an associate of Darby's. "Can I help you sir?" I asked with a polite smile plastered on my face

His eyes searched me up and down, almost as if he was judging me. Then he looked around the office and took a peak behind him. He was starting to make me feel uneasy and I rubbed my hands together. "Did you have a vehicle to pick up or drop off?" I asked

The guy in front of me let out a deep sigh and stepped forward shutting the door behind him. I got very nervous then and tried to stop him but, he gave me a rough shove so I stumbled back. "I am going to have to ask you to leave, you chose the wrong place to do this." I said defiantly

He raised his eyebrow to me, "And what is it that you think I'm doing."

He had me there, I wasn't exactly sure what to say so I reached for the phone. He grabbed my wrist roughly and slammed the phone down. "You're Chelsea right?"

I didn't answer but, instead pulled away my wrist. "I'll take that as a yes." he said

"Who the fuck are you?"

"I'm Charlie, I'm Ashs brother."

"I'm sorry for your loss but, I am not sure that there is much I can do for you Charlie."

"There is a lot you can do for me. Like explaining why you convinced my brother, out of the blue, to date you. Right after the sons find out that you are back and cause a scene at Darbys. From what I hear you have history with even Leroy. I also know that you couldn't have been bothered with my brother before. Convenient wouldn't you say?" he started to walk towards me until I was pinned against the desk

"I didn't do anything wrong. I didn't want to have anything to do with him while I worked there because of Darby. I don't like what you are insinuating here. I want you to leave."

When he didn't go to move and just laughed instead I shouted out at him, "Now!"

He still didn't look like he wanted to move but, the front door opened. Charlie stepped away from me and I looked past him to see Chibs standing in the door. Lowell was behind him, twiddling with his thumbs. I looked between Chibs and Charlie, who seemed to be in the middle of a stare off. "Well sir, unfortunately I don't see your truck in the paper work. If I am able to find it, we will give you a call." I spoke up

Charlie looked down at me before he snickered and leaned over me to the stash of candy Gemma had on the desk. As he leaned over he whispered in my ear, "We are not done here and if you say anything to your bodyguard, I will be paying a visit to your brother."

He flashed me a smile as he straightened out and left. I followed him out and leaned across the door frame, chewing on my bottom lip. "Get back to work Lowell." Chibs barked from beside me

Lowell gave me one more fleeting look before disappearing around the corner. "Is everything alright in here darlin'? Lowell said he was worried about the guy that was here." He asked

I looked over to him and smiled, "Yes, just another unruly costumer. I am sure you have your handful of those."

I turned away from him and walked back to the desk, shuffling some papers around. "Chels. Don't be hiding anything now you hear? You just came back, I hoped you learned from last time." Chibs said worriedly

I kept looking down at the papers in my hand while I bit my bottom lip. I wanted to tell them or at least Chibs. The worry about my brother still loomed in the back of my mind. It wasn't only that, Chibs was right I did just come back and the chance of everyone at that table thinking of me as family right now is very slim to none. I knew I could only count on Opie, Chibs and Jax for sure. Everyone else was a maybe or an absolute no. I could hear the click of heels as they came up towards the door. That was just the distraction I needed. Gemma leaned in and gave Chibs a hug and kiss on the cheek before she walked past him. She looked at me and around the basically clean state of her office. She nodded her head in approval before she gave me a kiss on the cheek and shooed me away from her desk. "Well, I gotta get back to work. Remember what I said Chels." Chibs spoke to me in earnest

Once Chibs left and I looked back at Gemma, she was watching us intently. I waved my hand at her and walked up to show her where I had left off.

~~SOA~~

I had been at the hospital for a few hours now waiting on Jax to arrive. I had left Gemma to go get something to drink and was now making my way up to see Abel again when I walked past Wendys room. I looked in there as I walking by to see a doctor in there with her. As I walked by though, her eye caught mine and she started to speak to the doctor. I tried to scurry out of there but, the doctor that was in the room called out for me. I let out a sigh and turned around to go into the room. The doctor excused himself before he closed the door, leaving me and Wendy all alone in a room. She was still pretty pale and laying in her bed with a bible clutched in her hands. "Did you need something Wendy?" I asked awkwardly

This was one place I didn't want to be. Especially given the way me and Jax have been towards each other lately. "No, I just wanted to say hi. It has been a while since I last saw you. Now it seems I see you all the time. With Gemma or Clay...with Jax."

So that is what this was about. "Wendy listen-"

"No you listen. This is my family, he is my husband and Abel is my son and you cannot take them away from me!" she started to get worked up

I bit my lip and waited for her to calm down. "Your relationship with Jax is none of my business and if you feel this way maybe you should talk to him about this. As for Abel you all but, got rid of him yourself. So if you loose your family to anyone it will be to yourself."

I shook my head and started to leave. "Fuck you, at least I didn't run away with his baby and loose it."

My hand that was resting on the doorknob slide off of it and hit my leg. My blood was boiling when I rounded on her and stalked towards her bed, landing a loud slap right across her face. Once my brain had caught up with myself and what I had just done, I retracted my hand and held it to my chest. "Listen here and listen good Wendy. I did not come back out of choice just like I did not leave out of choice. If anyone stole anyone's family it was you. You swooped in when I left and when Jax was vulnerable. He only tolerates you because you are the mother of his son. I did not loose my baby out of choice. My daughter was ripped from me while you just threw your sons life away like it was nothing for a fucking high. So do not compare me to you because we are nothing alike."

Wendy looked down ashamed and didn't say anything. I took that as the end of the conversation and left storming out of there. I felt guilty for what I had said but, at the same time nothing that I said was a lie, it as all the truth. I was so absorbed in my thoughts that I hadn't seen Jax coming down the hall until he stopped right in front of me. He seemed to be worried and that's when the thoughts of Wendy left my mind. He still had yet to hear about Abels surgery. "Is he going to be okay?"

"He looks good."

He wrapped his arms around me joyously and lifted me up from the ground. I wrapped my arms around his neck and let out a small laugh. When he pulled away I thought I felt something sticky on my neck. I looked down and lifted my finger to where I thought I felt it. When I pulled my finger away, I saw a trace of blood. Jax was watching me carefully, gauging my reaction. I noticed how his cut was done up all the way and that wasn't Jax. I reached forward and undid his cut to see blood coating his shirt. I rolled my eyes and zipped it back up. "This is why you didn't text me earlier?"

"I couldn't tell you what I was doing, it was club-"

"Business, I know the speal. You should have at least went and cleaned yourself up before you came here." I lectured him.

He looked at me slightly ashamed and I let out a small sigh. I turned around grabbing his hand and tugging him along behind me. I reached forward into a nearby cart and grabbed a sponge and a green scrub shirt before I dragged him to the bathroom down the hall. I pushed him in and closed the door behind us. I hopped up onto the counter beside the sink and pulled Jax between my legs. He was watching me cautiously as I started to unzip his cut. He got where I was going and started to shrug off his cut and shirt. As he was pulling off his shirt, I turned the sink on and dipped the sponge into the warm water. When I turned around Jax was slightly closer to me and I placed the sponge on his neck and shoulder that had some blood on it. I could feel Jaxs eyes boring into me and I tried to concentrate on what I was doing. He let out a husky chuckle and I looked up to him confused, "Whats so funny?"

"I haven't had a woman do this for me in so long. You were always there to clean up any mess that I came home with."

I gave him a small smile, "Well, that is one of the responsibilities of an old lady is it not? Besides, seeing the blood and having to take care of you never scared me Jax. It was the fact, that I had no idea how you got it."

I twisted around to rinse out the sponge and go back to his skin. When I turned around his face was now inches from mine. His lips so close I could feel his breathe on them. "J-Jax." I stuttered out

His lips captured my own and his hands that were on the counter seconds ago, found there way to my hips. He pulled me closer to him and one of his hands traveled up my back and into my hair. His kisses were passionate and urgent. His tongue found his way into my mouth and before I knew it, his mouth left mine and started to trail kisses down my neck to my collarbone. His hand that was in my hair supported my head, as I let my head fall backwards, a moan escaping my parted lips. His hand that was on my hip was making its way under my shirt and I shuddered when his hand made contact with my skin. Before it could go any further though, the door swung open and who else but Tara walked into the bathroom. She looked at us shocked before she sent a glare at the both of us and stormed away. Jax head was bent down and he let out a shaky breathe. "Well, I would say that you are done getting cleaned up. I'm just going to go to your mother, I will see you there." I said

I hopped off the counter and Jax let me leave the room.

It wasn't long before Jax had joined us in watching Abel in the toaster. Jax stood in front of it, staring at his son in wonder. Gemma came up and stood beside them and watched Abel as well. Me and Clay stood away a bit, leaving them to fawn over the newborn. I knew it was going to take a lot of effort to earn everyone's trust but, I wanted this. A family to look after...I want what I had taken from me...I wanted it all back.

_(Jax p.o.v)_

_Last night was hard to see my tiny son in a toaster and I was still trying to wrap my head around what happened with Chelsea. I walked down the halls and straight towards where I knew my son was going to be. Mine and Hales previous talk going through my mind. I liked the guy, he was an honest to good cop but, that was the problem. He would fit in anywhere but, here. We needed law enforcement on our side to do the things we needed to do. Hale and his constant harassment was starting to get on everyone's nerves now. I reached the window where my son was being treated in that stupid toaster looking thing. I hated to look at him in there but, my mother and Chelsea were right. I needed to do this. Tara was in there with him and another doctor. When she spotted me I waved at her and she said something to the other doctor and came out to see me. "He is moving around a lot more." I told her with a wide smile on my face_

_"Yeah all his vitals are up." She complimented_

_"Any permanent damage because of the drugs? Brain or anything?" I asked worried_

_"Cant know for sure. But everything so far points to a full recovery."_

_I looked back at my son in the thing I have now come to call as the toaster. "How long does he gotta be in that thing?"_

_"Could be weeks but he'll be in the NICU for at least two or three months." She said honestly_

_"Hey look," I said as I walked over to the chair beside his room. "I'm sorry about last night. I wasn't-"_

_"I really don't want to know." Tara cut me off_

_I rolled my eyes at her typical answer "Right."_

_It was quiet for a few moments and as I looked up at Tara, I couldn't help but wonder what brought her back to Charming. I smiled up at her and she smiled back at me, "What?" she asked_

_"Just figured you'd land a million miles from this place. You always hated it here." I replied_

_Her smile turned quickly into a frown. "Oh, I didn't hate Charming Jax just...me in it at the time."_

_"Yeah."_

_She told me as she sat in the chair next to me "Looks like Wendy's is going to be okay."_

_"Define okay?"_

_"We're taking her through sedated detox. She'll be out for a couple days. You two, are you together?"_

_I looked down at my lap, "Me and Wendy? No I filed over a year ago. She got clean about ten months back and we tried to reconcile. Didn't work out to well."_

_"I wasn't asking about Wendy but, at least one good thing came out of it."_

_I nodded my head solemnly. "Yeah...yeah I guess it did. Me and Chelsea...it's complicated right now. I really don't know what's up or what's down anymore with us."_

_Tara nodded her head and she looked sad almost, to hear what I had to say. It was becoming awkward and I didn't want to hold her up any longer, "You should get going." I suggested_

_"Yeah, I'm late for my rounds."_

_I got up and left Tara in the chair. I stood outside of Wendys room for a moment before I walked in and sat beside her. I held her hand for a bit, almost wishing she would be awake. I may be mad at her for what she did to Abel but, I would never have any ill will towards her either. As I sat here, I realized that I needed to put some distance between me and Chelsea. At least for a while, while Wendy was in recovery in Charming. She was to unbalanced to handle another woman coming into my life right now. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and sent a text to Chelseas cell telling her that I needed to put some distance between us and that I wouldn't be around much for a bit. I didn't know how well Chelsea was going to handle this but it needed to be done._

_(end of Jax p.o.v)_

I had just finished digging out my cash from my fake drawer in my bedroom that was home to the only gun I owned. After I cashed my check from Darby I now officially had enough cash to buy myself a set of wheels. I decided after work, I would stop by a dealership. I gave a quick count of my cash and stuck it in an envelope and placed it into my purse. I turned around to get ready. I slid on a pair of light blue shorts with a black tank top and a pearl white open sweater with a pair of wedge sandles. I placed my hair in a high bun that looked as if it was folding in on itself.

I was just finishing up when my phone vibrated on the counter beside me. I pinned the rest of my hair together before I reached for my phone. It was a text from Jax;

Jax: Chels, we gotta stay apart for a while, I need to focus on Wendy and Abel and I can't do that with you around.

I didn't know whether to take that as an insult or not. I was the one after all that told him we couldn't continue anything. After what he did last night, I basically threw that option out the window. I was angry, I couldn't believe that he did that. Any rational thought process I had went out the window as I dialed the number for a cab.

~~SOA~~

I was early to work but, Gemma seemed to be in a heated conversation on the phone so she hadn't even realized that I had arrived. I quickly paid for the cab and stormed my way to the club doors. If Jax thought he could just throw me to the side after what he did last night he was sorely mistaken. I was just reaching the hallway for the dorms when someone grabbed onto my arm. "Whoa darlin' what's got you in such a bad mood?" Chibs said

"None of your businesses Chibs. Where is Jax?"

Chibs looked past me to the dorms with a worried look. As if he wasn't sure if he should tell me. Jesus Christ..."He has a sweet butt in there doesn't he?" I asked

"Listen Las let's go get you a drink."

Chibs tried to direct me towards the bar but, my anger skyrocketed when he ignored my question. I pulled away from him and stormed towards Jaxs dorm room. I slammed open the door to see the sweet butt Emily Duncan slipping her shirt back on and Jax laying on his bed with a smoke in his hand. Emily looked back and forth between us "Shit. Chels-" Jax tried to talk to me while he stubbed out his smoke

I raised my hand to cut him off while I shut my eyes, trying to will the image away. "Sorry, I was looking for someone else." I apologized quickly

Jax was calling out my name as I walked away. My anger was completely gone and instead the feeling of hurt replaced it. I put on a brave face when I rounded the corner to see Chibs standing there worried. I gave him a smile and walked past him. "Chelsea..."

"Sorry Chibs, I'm going to be late for work and I don't want to keep the Queen waiting." I told him with my back towards him

I ignored all of the prying eyes that were looking my way as I continued to walk towards the office.

~~SOA~~

It was another busy day and Gemma and I finally had a chance to sit down for more than two seconds. But, because we slowed down in here so did the boys out there. "Hey baby you want to come to a family dinner tonight?" Gemma asked me

My eyes brightened a little, "Of course. I don't see why not."

"Good. I need you to run to the store and grab a few thing before we close up here? You can use my car and just come back before we close."

I nodded my head and stood up to get the keys, money and the list from her. Just as I turned around to leave Jax walked into the office. His eyes met mine but I looked away. I walked past him trying to put as much distance between myself and him. I pushed the button to unlock her car and pulled open her door. I barely had the door open when a hand pushed it closed. "Wait Chelsea." Jax said from beside me

I glared up at him and said rather harshly, "What?"

"I think we need to talk."

I turned around so I could see him better and stated, "About what Jax? About last night or how about the text this morning or wait how about the sweet butt I walked in on. We have nothing to talk about Jaxson. I don't care after all we are nothing to each but an old passing fling."

I pulled the door open roughly and got in the car. Jax looked irritated but, I didn't care anymore. If he wanted to push me aside like that then what did I care. It's not like we were together anyways so, I couldn't get that mad at him over it. Gemma was watching us curiously from the office and Jax stood awkwardly in the parking lot as I drove away.

~~SOA~~

I hated line ups. I thought this was just going to be a quick run in but, I realized how wrong I truly was. I was standing in the line up arms full of things as I tried to peak over the person in front of me, to see what was taking so long. My eyebrows furrowed together as I noticed that Donna was at the till and taking out some of her groceries. The earlier conversation with Jax weighed heavy on my mind. It wasn't only that, an order came into the shop to repo Donnas wagon. No one had time for it today and the boys had mysteriously taken off with the tow truck this afternoon. I chewed on my bottom lip as I watched Donna pay for the little amount that she could afford. As Donna left, the line moved quite quickly and before I realized it, I was paying for my food. I dug through my purse looking for the money that Gemma had gave me when my eyes landed on the envelope of money I had in my purse. I passed the clerk the money for my purchase as I toyed with the envelope in my bag. "What were the items you needed put back?" A lady asked the clerk

My eyes landed on what Donna had left behind and before the clerk could speak, I spoke up "Actually can I get all of that as well please."

The clerk gave me a funny look but, rang me through anyways. I ran out of there hoping to catch Donna before she took off. I was lucky enough to see her just about to hop into the truck. "Donna!" I shouted and waved at her.

Donna eyed me carefully but when her eyes landed on her bag of groceries, she walked up to me. "I don't want your charity." She stated clearly

I rolled my eyes, typical Donna. But that's what I loved about her, she wasn't to quick to accept a hand out. I pushed the bag towards her so she was forced to grab it and I searched through my purse for the envelope of money. I toyed with it for a few seconds before I pulled it out and handed it to her. She adjusted the bag in her arms as she reached for the envelope. I watched as her eyes looked over the money and grew in size. She looked up to me and before she could speak I held my hand up to her. "Don't deny it Donna. I know you need this, at least more then I do. Don't think of it as a charity if you don't want to, think of it as a loan. One that I don't care when I get back nor how much. You have kids Donna, a family and I can see that your struggling so, take the groceries and the money. There should be about five grand in there. Should be enough to help you out isn't it?"

Donna seemed to mull over this in her mind. She closed the envelope over and stuck it in the grocery bag, "Thank you Chelsea."

"Nah, don't think anything of it. I love you and Op, I cant sit back and watch you guys suffer. I would give you more if I could but that's all I have at the moment."

"No, no this is more then enough." Donna said with a small smile.

We were quiet for a few moments more and I offered, "Gemma is having a family supper, I know that's not really your thing anymore. Maybe you should think of coming by. I think it would be nice to see you and the kids again."

"Yeah, I don't think so. Not this time at least." Donna declined

I nodded my head but didn't say anything more. Donna thank me one more time before she took off from the grocery store. I wasn't the only one around here that had it rough. If only mine was as easy as money.


	9. Don't Touch Her

**{Hey guys, now that all of my updates and proof reading has been finished, all updates will be coming like before if not sooner. Thank you to NatalieLynn I love your review so thank you. I find that Jax tends to make a lot of dumb ass mistakes in the beginning and judging by your opinion of the story I think that you will enjoy what I do with these next few chapters (maybe minus this one). To india-guest thank you for your continued reviews here is your next chapter. Thank you to those who have favorite or followed since the last update it means a lot so thank you. Just as a general reminder all my stories are rated M not only for the sexual content or gruesome/violence but because of some of the content that I put in it. If you do not want to read about that, I won't be offended and I am sure that you will get the jist of what has happened. I also have recently come out with a story based on the Hobbit and it is a Thorin OC so if you're interested you should go check it out, it's called Journey into Fire. Other than that please review, favorite and follow and I do not own the Sons of Anarchy only my own character(s) and anything that you do not recognize.}**

Today was the day of the fun town fair and even though I didn't want to go because Jax would be there, Gemma dragged me by tooth and nail. I made sure that if I was going to go that I would at least show Jax what he was missing out on. I wore a tight fitting white halter top with a navy blue skirt that had a wave to it and ended at mid thigh and a belt that rested on my hips. I placed my curls into a messy bun and left small strands and my bangs down. I also slipped on a pair of flat black suede boots with a buckle at the sides and came to mid calf. I walked around with Gemma and Clay for a bit until Tig convinced me to go onto a kiddies roller coaster with him, Jax and Bobby. I reluctantly agreed knowing very well that he wasn't asking, he was telling. I sat in front of Tig but behind Jax and at first I was miserable because I had to stare at Jax's back. Once the ride started going though I let a bubble of laughter leave my lips as we rounded each corner. Between Tig's hysterical laughter behind me and Jax's laughter in front of me, I couldn't help it. As the ride started to end Jax shouted his enjoyment and looked behind him towards me and Tig. He gave me a small smile and turned to face the front again. If he thought that was going to fix everything he was sorely mistaken. When the ride ended and the bar in front of me was lifted, I turned to leave just to find a hand in front of my face. I follow the arm up to see Jax beaming down at me "Let me help you out there." Jax offered

Tig started to mock us from behind and I rolled my eyes and accepted Jax's offer. When Jax pulled me up, he leaned down with a sneaky smirk and whispered, "You look gorgeous today."

I knew that there was a blush that was coming across my face so I tried to hide it as we exited the ride. We all walked up behind Clay and Gemma who was now situated on Clays shoulder. Three people walked up to us and the older man addressed Clay. For some reason they seemed familiar to me and I couldn't quite put my finger on it. "Hey Clay."

"How you doing Elliot?" Clay asked as he set Gemma down on the ground

"Okay Clay." Elliot replied while shaking his hand

"Karen." Clay said to the woman offering his hand to her

"Hey." She replied politely while shaking his hand

"Hey mom I'm going to go to the spin out again." the girl beside them said

"Tristen you've been on it four times already." Her mother disagreed

"I know." Tristen said disappointed

Tristen...where had I heard that before...that's when it hit me. No wonder I didn't recognize them I hadn't seen Tristen since she was seven when I used to watch over her for her parents. Jax placed a lower hand on my back as he pulled out some tickets and handed them to Tristen, "Hey, here."

"That won't be necessary." her mother tried to stop Jax

I remembered why I didn't like her mother, I liked Elliot well enough. He was a hard working man and he earned his way through life. But, her mother may have those same beliefs but, she always stuck her nose up at people who were just trying to help her out. The thing about this family is they were the ideal portrait family. Where in public everyone is part of that perfect picture with all the pleasantries and politeness but, the moment it comes to being in private, it's a completely different story. "That's alright," Jax continued to offer the tickets and looked over to me with a smirk, "They kicked me off for screaming to loud."

"What do you say?" Elliot asked his daughter

"You got it." Jax replied handing her the tickets

I watched as Tristen ran off towards her ride and after she was out of eye sight I turned to face the group. "Is that you Chelsea?" Karen asked

My eyes met hers and I realized that they didn't recognize me either. "Yeah."

"Elliot it's Chelsea, Tristen's old babysitter."

Elliot held his hand out to me and I shook it. "Nice to you guys again." I told them

"Same to you." Elliot replied with a welcomed smile

Karen wrapped her arm around her husband arm and gave it a tug, "We got to go, bye." Karen said through a clearly fake smile

We all watched them walk away and it was Gemma who first spoke up, "Man, you would think with all that money they could pay someone to remove those sticks shoved up their asses."

I started laughing because what she said was true and it always has been. "Mmm, maybe he's just a little paranoid that some of his country club cronies are going to see him talking to the outlaw." Clay offered up another explanation

"Come on, I need to talk to the outlaw." Gemma said teasingly

I watched as Gemma and Clay started to walk behind us but everyone else stayed here. I don't think any of us want to see what Gemma's teasing was going to lead to. I felt someone's hand press against my lower back to move forward and remembered that Jax's hand was still on my lower back. I walked forward and to the side so his hand slid down against his thigh. He looked like he wanted to say something but, because of the company we had, he kept his comments to himself. I walked closer to Tig and eventually we ended up in front of a dunk tank with a clown that was taunting the opponents against him. I narrowed my eyes at him, not only did I not like clowns but I hated the taunting words that came out of his mouth. I knew that was part of the gimmick to the dunk tank but at the same time I think he was taking it to far. Apparently I wasn't the only one who thought so to "Oh, look at the big bad bikers. Come to get clowny all wet?" The clown mocked

Jax passed some money to the kid at the stand for two balls and he came back to where I was standing. "Come on Jax, come on." Bobby encouraged

Jax threw the ball in his hands and turned to me. "A kiss for good luck?"

I rolled my eyes but stepped forward. After a slight hesitation I kissed him on the cheek. I knew by the disappointed look on his face that, that was not where he wanted the kiss but I hadn't forgiven him yet. Jax backed up slightly and threw the first ball, Jax missed the first shot "What's the matter touch guy? Can't put the little ball in the tight hole or maybe her kiss wasn't good enough." The clown taunted

Jax eyes met mine before he threw the last ball again. I found that I was holding my breath hoping that he would have got it in but no such luck. "Bet all your leather wearing butt buddies say the same thing."

This time the clown went way to far and judging by the look on all three bikers faces they didn't find this funny anymore either. "Oh no, no that's a bozo no no." Tig said as him and Bobby walked past me and Jax.

Jax gave me an amused smile as he walked away from me with the others. "Oh Jesus you guys I was just screwing around." The clown tried to apologize

Tig ignored his please for help and pushed the button so the clown fell into the water. I let a smirk play on my lips as I watched this ordeal. Maybe that would teach the clown what to say and what not to say. The boys kept dunking him repeatedly in the water and some people stopped to laugh. As I was focused on the boys, Juice came jogging down towards me. "Hello Juice." I said once he was close enough

"You know where I can find the boys?" He asked

I gave him a smile and looked back to the clown as I crossed my arms across my chest. "Hey Jax! Time to go!" Juice called out after a minute of assessing the situation

All three boys gave the clown one more dunk before walking down towards us again. Tig and Bobby started to walk away with Juice but, Jax stopped in front of me first. He looked down at me with a thoughtful expression. "I think we need to talk about what happened yesterday. I think we had a misunderstanding."

I gave him a hard look, "I don't believe that I misjudged anything Jax. You told me that we were done because you needed to focus on the junkie of a mother of your baby boy that has tried to kill herself and your son just for me to walk in on you with a sweet butt. What is there to misunderstand?"

"It's not like that Chels you got to believe me-" Jax started to explain

"Jax! Lets go buddy!" Tig called back to us

I looked over in their direction to see that all three of them had stopped to wait for Jax. I looked back to Jax with an exhausted look, "You're needed elsewhere Mr VP."

Jax reached out to grab my hand and he gave it a quick squeeze. "We will talk about this later, I let you explain what happened now it's my turn for that don't you think?"

He gave me one more pleading look before he took off to the boys. I watched as he jogged away and held my hand to my chest. My hand tingled where he had held it and I knew he was right. He did give me that chance now it is my turn to return that favor.

~~SOA~~

I was playing one of the games with Gemma when I could hear Karen's voice calling out for Tristen. Both me and Gemma turned around to look for Karen. Gemma was the first to spot her and we went running for Karen. Karen looked like disaster and she called out for Tristen once more. "What's going on?" Gemma asked

"We can't find Tristen." Karen told us

I instantly started looking around us for any sign of Tristen. "Oh Jesus well she must be here somewhere." Gemma said trying to calm Karen down

"No, we've looked everywhere." Karen said panicked

"She's not on any of the rides." Elliot told us as he walked up to us.

"Oh my god, oh my god Tristen." Karen started to cry and walk away from us.

"I'm going to go look at the entrance and hopefully she is there somewhere." I told everyone

I started to walk away but, Gemma grabbed my arm. "You got your phone right?"

I pulled it from my breast and she nodded her head, "Okay you call me if you find her."

I nodded my head before I took off for the entrance. I looked around frantically for Tristen but, I could find even a small trace of her. I searched through the ever growing crowd for her but could only find the rest of the group that was searching for her as well. Judging from where everyone was searching, someone had yet to look behind the tents and trailers. I walked over to the entrance and started to walk behind it, calling out for Tristen as I did. I soon reached the very back of the fair that separated the forest from the tents. I placed my hands around my mouth and yelled out for her once more. I stood there in silence as I waited for a reply. For a moment all I could hear was the laughter and shouts coming from the fair. I was just about to give up and start walking away when I heard a muffled cry for help that came from within the trees. I looked through the darkness for where it came from. I didn't have to think twice before I bolted through the trees. As I ran ducking under and around trees, I pulled out my cell and dialed Gemma. She immediately answered panicked, "Did you find her?"

"I'm not sure, I think I did. I heard someone calling out for help in the forest behind the tents and trailers. Meet me at the tree line and I'll come out with hopefully her."

"Okay be safe."

I hung up and shoved my phone back into my breast and ran faster as I the crying became louder. I stopped when the cries for help stopped and silence came instead. "Tristen!" I called out

I could hear someone's sobs coming from close by. I strained my eyes to see through the dark trees and eventually something pink in the grass caught my eye. I pushed through the trees and as I reached the area where I saw the pink, I realized it was Tristen. My eyes searched my surroundings for the man that did this as I ran towards her. When I was sure we were safe I bent down to her level and placed a hand on her back. Her eyes shot open and she started to cry louder again, "No, hey shh. It's just me." I comforted her

When her panicked eyes caught mine she seemed to calm down. "Chelsea?" Her broken voice whispered

I nodded my head and fresh tears sprung to her eyes. I breathed a sigh of relief and was pulling out my phone to call Gemma when I noticed that Tristen's expression went from relieved to terrified once more. "No, please!" She cried out

I felt something hard connect with my head and I fell to the side and rolled onto the grass from the impact. I had to blink several times to make the world stop spinning and for the blurriness to go away. I held my hands to the back of my head while I pushed myself onto my knees and when I pulled my hand away some blood coated my hand. I let out a groan in pain and I tried to crawl away from my attacker. I heard the heavy footsteps come closer and I started to panic and look for anything around me. I saw a heavy branch not far from me and I started to crawl towards it. I was just in arms reach when I felt a hand grab my shoulder and rip me around and onto my back. I arched my back in pain and bit my lip in an attempt not to cry out. "No! Leave her alone!" I heard Tristen cry out.

I didn't have time to look at her because a man with horrible smeared clown make up appeared in my vision. I tried to squirm back over to the branch but, it was no use. He straddled me with his hips to hold me in place. I used my only defense that I had, my hands. I started to punch and claw at any part I could get at. I caught him right in the cheek with my nails and he swore as he pinned my hands above my head. I saw something glint in the moonlight and a knife was placed against my throat "If you don't play nice neither will I." He warned

I eyed the blade carefully and I stopped moving. "Good girl." He cooed

I watched defenseless while he moved his hand that held the knife, towards his pants where he undid the button on them and pushed my skirt up. When he placed his knife against my panties I started to kick from underneath him "Help!" I screamed

He placed the knife back under my throat and I glared up at him. I didn't want to see this and I couldn't believe that it was happening. I felt his erection slide between my legs and I stiffened trying to close them again. This time instead of a verbal warning, I felt the blade slice against my leg. I tried unsuccessfully to recoil from the pain and I cried out again. "That'll teach ya." He said

I bite my lip and tried to hold back the tears. Once more I felt him at my entrance and I turned my head away to look at the trees. I bite my lip so hard that I could taste the blood in my mouth when he thrusted into me. He grunted in pleasure and I shut my eyes tight trying not to move to much against the knife. He kept going for a few thrusts more and I tried to block out everything that was happening to me. This was not supposed, not this way. Just as soon as he thrusted in though, he was shoved to the ground. The knife that he was holding at my throat sliced across my neck and fell to the ground beside me. I turned onto my stomach and grabbed the knife in my hand as I looked over to the guy. Tristen was on the ground underneath the guy "Leave her alone!" I shouted at him as I tried to stand up

I tried to reach him before his fist collided with her jaw and Tristen cries went silent. "You son of a bitch!" I yelled as I charged towards him with the knife in my hand

The man stood up slightly and I pushed forward so that the knife slide across his arm. Before I had time to react his hand back slapped me across the face. I stumbled backwards and wasn't able to catch myself until I fell onto my bum once again. The clown was on me once more and instead of him trying to rape me again his hands wrapped around my throat. He squeezed and I clawed at his hands as the air started to escape me. I was getting weaker by the second and I searched around me frantically for anything to help me. My eyes landed on the branch that I had been trying to get to before and I reached my hand out in an attempt to grab it. Because of my struggling the man pulled me up by my neck and smashed my head into the ground. I tried to gasp in pain but, instead I just wasted more of my air. I tried once more to reach for the branch and I could just feel it grazing my finger tips. My vision was starting to go blurry and I was struggling even more to stay awake. I swear I could hear someone who sounded a lot like Gemma calling out for me and Tristen. At first I thought that I was just hearing things but, the clown released his grip he held on my throat and looked around us. I took the opportunity to grab the branch and I swung it at his head. I heard the crack as it hit his head and he fell over beside me, clutching his head in pain. I let out a gasp for air and rolled away from him, "Gemma! Gemma help!" I cried out for her.

"I'm coming baby hold on!" Gemma called out to me

I looked behind me to see that the guy had disappeared into the darkness. I crawled down over to Tristen and pulled both of us backwards until my back rested against a tree. I placed her head in my lap and started to push her hair from her face. I placed my head against the tree as I heard multiple footsteps heading our way. I knew that we were both finally safe and I let my consciousness slip into darkness while holding Tristen to me.


	10. Don't Say You're Sorry

**{Hello everyone. I would like to thank angelicedg I am glad that you enjoyed this one so much so I hope that you continue to read and enjoy this new chapter. To NatalieLynn thank you for your continued insightful reviews, I'm glad to read your detailed thoughts on the story so keep it up. Ash's bother will come up a few more times I believe, I am still working that part out in my mind first. To india-guest thank you for your continued review, it made my day and I couldn't stop laughing at how you put that. I hope you enjoy this chapter. To Tiki thank you for your review I am glad that you are enjoying this so far hope you enjoy this new chapter. This chapter is more in Jax's p.o.v just because of Chelsea situation. I hope you enjoy seeing it from his p.o.v. Please continue to review, favorite and follow it all means a lot to me. I do not own the Sons of Anarchy only my own character(s) and anything else that you do not recognize.}**

_(Jax p.o.v)_

_I already had a splitting headache and what Chibs was bringing up was just adding to it. I tried to go to Chelsea house after I was done working but, she wouldn't answer the door. I called Gemma and asked her if she had dropped her off and she just beat around the bush with me. Now I was really worried when she wouldn't answer any of my calls and texts. Even when she was furious with me she would at least have chewed me out over it, ignoring people was below her. A honk brought my attention from Chibs to the car that just pulled up. Elliot stepped out of the car with an angry and worried look on his face. Both me and Clay knew that whatever it was, was bad news. Clay gave an order to Chibs and brushed past me to go talk to Elliot. I followed behind and offered Elliot a welcomed smile. "We need to talk Clay. My daughter and Chelsea are in the hospital." Elliot told us before any of us could say anything_

_My attention was immediately drawn to him. "What did you just say about Chelsea?" I asked taking another step towards him_

_Elliot looked hesitant to speak out in the lot but whispered low enough for only us to hear. "My daughter was raped in the woods last night at fun town. I'm not sure about Chelsea but, she is pretty banged up? Did Gemma not tell you?"_

_I looked to Clay and it was obvious that neither of us had heard about it. "Let's go talk in the office." Clay said while he motioned towards the door._

_Elliot gave a grim nod of his head and walked towards the door. Me and Clay remained standing but, Elliot took the chair. "My daughters still in shock, she doesn't remember much. Asshole busted her in the jaw and threw her in the dirt. Raped her, she's thirteen years old."_

_"What about Chelsea?" I asked_

_"All Tristen would say was that she tried to protect her and the guy beat her pretty bad. Tristen said she was pretty sure that he had raped her to but, she couldn't be sure. Doctors wouldn't give me any information because I'm not family. But, Gemma was there this morning."_

_I clenched my jaw for a moment before I asked another question, "What did the cops say?"_

_"Took a report, Hale's out looking," Elliot said as if he didn't believe a word that was coming out of his own mouth. He looked to Clay before he continued, "I want you to find him. You bring him to me first, pay anything you want."_

_"What do you think we are Elliot?" Clay asked_

_"Oswalds have been in this town a lot longer than Samcro. I know what you are." Elliot replied without a hint of hesitation_

_Clay stood up from where he was leaning and turned to face Elliot. He bent down so that he was level with Elliot. "I don't want your money, nobody comes into my town and does this to an innocent girl and a family member. We'll find the sick bastard but, when I deliver him to you, I'm going to need to know that justice will be served. You get what I'm saying old friend?"_

_Elliot nodded his head and Clay stood back up and offered him his hand. After a moments hesitation he shook Clay's hands sealing the deal. We watched as Elliot left and Clay leaned over to me, "Gather the boys for church."_

_I nodded my head and took off to find the boys. I wanted to find this sick bastard that did this to my girl and not to mention a thirteen year old girl who had yet to see the world. This was disgusting and my anger was reaching boiling point. I was going to find this bastard and give him what he deserved._

_~~SOA~~_

_We had just explained to the boys what had happened at the fun town and the action that we were planning on taking. Most of the boys had sympathetic and angry looks on their face, Bobby was so mad that he had to stand up and pace around the room. They were just as angry that this had happened in our backyard as me and Clay. Unfortunately that didn't stop some of the men from speaking up "We have a two hundred k deficit hanging over our head. Do we really, really want to be out there playing some pro Bono lone ranger?" Tig disputed_

_This was no time to be playing sides. I was infuriated that Tig out of all people was the first to dispute the plan. I leaned forward and placed my elbows on the table with my hands clenching in front of my face. "The guy raped a thirteen year old and a member of this family!" I shouted_

_"Thirteen, thirteen I get it. I just don't like putting my ass on the line for some outsiders. Clay, Oswald doesn't give a shit about Samcro and Chelsea left our protection the first time. They are both outsiders."_

_I stood up and slammed my hands into the table. "Chelsea explained what happened! She is an important person in my life and therefore is fucking family! What she did, no matter which way you see it, was for the good of the club for all these men sitting at this table. This is how your going to repay her by telling her that being raped and beat in this town is acceptable! What does that tell the little girl laying in a hospital bed huh?" I shouted_

_The table went silent and after I had a moment to calm down, I sat down once again. Tig looked a little ashamed at what he had said and he looked down to his fingers. "You know people get jammed up in this town, they don't go to the cops. They come to us and that means something to me. I don't know, maybe I got something to prove with this guy you know? That's my shit so, anybody wants a pass on this-" Clay spoke up while putting out his cigar_

_Men spoke up around the table cutting Clay off, even Tig spoke up "I'm in to, guess were hunting the tot-banger then."_

_I gave Tig a look that said to soon and Clay spoke up once everyone had calmed down. "Good so, what do we know?"_

_"We saw a couple guys sporting Aryan ink. Not sure if they were Darby's guys." I told everyone_

_"Macon woods is right on the Lodi border. Darby's got a meth shack a couple miles from there." Clay mentioned_

_"Rape as retaliation?" Bobby asked_

_I grinned my teeth, if this was retaliation for anything let alone anything to do with Chelsea, I couldn't be held accountable for my actions. "Certainly in the Nords wheel house." I said_

_"Tap into the Samwa database, find out what Nords get hard for underage pussy." Clay instructed Juice_

_"Got it." Juice replied_

_"Bobby and I will go after Darby." Tig spoke up_

_Clay nodded his head and looked to me. "I want you to go check up with Chelsea see if she can remember anything."_

_I nodded my head and stubbed out my smoke. Church ended and we all headed out to do the things we were designated to do. Only to find Hale and some of his buddies standing out front. "You girls selling cookies?" Clay asked while we walked towards them_

_"We're investigating a sexual assault." Hale replied_

_"You serious?" I asked trying to play dumb, Hale was the last person we needed crawling up our asses_

_"Yeah, I need to talk to all your guys that were at the carnival last night. If there not here get them here now." Hale ordered_

_I looked at him doubtfully and let Clay be the one to speak, "You think a son had something to do with that rape?"_

_"Half of them have violent crimes on their rap sheets, just following logic."_

_I smirked and asked, "Wasn't it just last week four Oakland cops were busted for prostitution and rape? Logic tells me that we should ask where your dick was last night."_

_"Don't say in your mama." Clay warned with a playful smirk_

_I had to withhold laughter at that and I looked back to Hale, "Officers Mann and Fain will be taking your statements, could take hours." Hale told us_

_"I'm trying to run a business here." Clay disputed_

_"We can do it here, at the station house wherever you want to do it and don't say in your mama." Hale replied before walking away_

_I looked at Clay and shook my head before heading back into TM, today was turning out to be a long day._

_~~SOA~~_

_Me, Tig and Clay stood at the entrance of one of the bays watching the cops. Neither had really interrogated any of us and it was becoming quiet obvious that Hale knew what we were up to and wanted to stop us at all cost. I kept worrying over Chelsea as I watched the cops down another cup of coffee. "I can't believe these assholes are taking another coffee break." I spoke up first_

_"Total jerk-offs, Hale must know were looking for the guy. We're going to be here all day." Clay complained_

_"Two double tranqaccino's coming up." Tig said with his trademark smirk_

_Only Tiggy would think of that first was all I could think. I smiled at the two cops counting down the seconds until I could burst out of here. Clay left me to check on Tig and I waited for the cops to come back for more coffee. When they stood up and started walking towards us, I joined Tig and Clay in the office. I nodded my head at Tig and said, "Coming for refills."_

_I leaned against the door and Tig spoke to the men, "Fresh pot boys."_

_Tig poured each of them a cup and they took a big sip none the wiser. We stood waiting for them to fall asleep. "Jackson?" Tig asked_

_I held my hand up, "No thank you."_

_I looked down to the ground and smirked. "Juice should be here soon Clay." Tig said_

_"Sometimes he gets lost." Clay replied_

_Within seconds both men collapsed and Tig and Clay scrambled to catch them. "Good to the last drop." Clay said while patting the cop on the chest._

_"That's so bad." Tig laughed as he left the room_

_I even let out a small chuckle as I looked into the room. "Don't fall on the floor." I pipped in_

_That caused all of us to laugh even harder as we headed out of TM._

_~~SOA~~_

_I was basically flying through the hospital trying to find out where Chelsea's room was. "Jax?" Tara voice called out behind me_

_I walked up to her and asked, "Chelsea, what room is she in?"_

_"The one just at the end there but, Jax she is pretty banged up."_

_I stuffed my hands into my pockets and asked, "How bad?"_

_"Well, she took a lot of head trauma, some bruising on her back, face, throat and shoulder, a pretty deep cut on her thigh and minor one on her throat. She also has tearing in her tissues which points to rape. Right now she doesn't remember a lot of what happened that night. She does remember fun town and feeling panicked. Jax...she remembers bits and pieces of trying to protect Tristen and parts of her rape but, she is beating herself up over not being able to remember anything else."_

_I ran my hands over my face, how could I let this happen to her? After what she went through I was suppose to protect her and I failed horribly. I gave Tara a meaningful look and walked past her towards Chelsea's room. I hesitated before I gave a timid knock on the door and opened it. I peaked my head in to see Gemma sitting beside Chelsea. Chelsea looked shocked to see me and Gemma stood up to give me a hug. I returned her hug but, my eyes never left Chelsea. I felt even worse now that I had seen her. She had a purple bruise lining her right side of the face, stitches hiding underneath her hair and I could see some more light bruising around the collar of her hospital gown. "Would you give us a minute Ma?"_

_Gemma pulled away and gave me a hard look. "Don't worry, I'll be nice."_

_Gemma gave me one more look before walking back over to Chelsea. She leaned over and placed a kiss on her forehead and grabbed her purse. "I'm going to get you something to drink to wash that shit down. I will be right back."_

_Chelsea nodded her head but, our eyes still stayed glued to one another. Once Gemma closed the door, I walked towards her and sat on the edge of the bed. The quiet was almost unbearable and I reached forward hesitantly to brush some stray pieces of hair out of her face. She looked so vulnerable and it was tearing at my heart. "Don't look at me like that Jax please?" her voice broke as she spoke to me_

_"Look at you like what? I'm just worried." I told her_

_She grabbed my hand gently in her own and whispered, "No, your looking at me like I'm this broken, fragile toy. Like it was your fault that I'm here. Don't blame yourself."_

_"I should have just stayed there with you."_

_"Jax, I was the one that choose to run into that forest to protect Tristen. It's not my fault it's not your fault, it's the bastard that did this."_

_"I hate to ask but-"_

_"No I don't remember him. I have a blurry image of what happened, the only thing I remember about him is his chilling voice. I would recognize it anywhere."_

_"When you get out of here...would you allow me to bring you home with me and take care of you. At least until you are better?"_

_I could see the hesitation in her eyes and I held her hand to encourage her to speak. "I don't know Jax what about Wendy?"_

_"Well...I'm not sure what is happening with Wendy but, for the moment as far as she needs to know you are just staying until you get better?"_

_"I am not some play toy like that sweet butt and you should know better Jaxson." She lectured me while she ripped her hand away from mine_

_Shit, I had done it again and what I know from experience was being on her bad side was just as bad as being on my mothers. "Listen can we talk about what happened? I'm not going to lie, I did sleep with Emily but, I had to or she wasn't going to help the club. I did mean what I said with Wendy but, not the way you are thinking. Wendy needs to get healthy again and I feel like if she were to know about us that would make her relapse again."_

_"And what about Tara?"_

_"What about her?"_

_"Don't play me as a fool, I'm not stupid! I saw how you looked at her that day when she walked in on us."_

_"There is nothing between me and Tara."_

_"I don't know what is going through your mind right now Jax. You say you want what we had again but, the next moment your all over your ex's and a sweet butt."_

_"You don't understand Chels, it's not like that. I already explained about-"_

_She held up her hand to me and cut me off, "I don't want to hear about whatever her name is. I'm not your old lady I don't need an explanation for whatever that was. Like I said that day we are nothing to each other anymore so you don't owe me any explanation."_

_I could tell that she was holding back her tears and putting her anger up as a front to cover that she actually does care. "I understand that you are actually hurting but, let me in? Let me help? I don't want what happened last time to happen again."_

_She was quiet for a few moments while she laid there starring at the blankets. "You know...while I laid there with Tristen hoping and praying that everything was over. There was one thing I kept telling myself and that was that I would see you and Abel again. Now I realize the bitter truth and that is that until you let go of Tara and Wendy...you and I can never be anything to the other."_

_I had really hurt her this time but, what else could I do to fix this? I opened my mouth to say something back but, that was when Gemma came back into the room. She took a few steps in and noticed the tense air around us. She looked between us and I stood up off the bed. "Everything okay?" Gemma asked as she passed Chelsea an apple juice._

_"Yeah, just talking that's all. Listen Chelsea before I go can you tell me anything that you remember that night?" I jumped in before Chelsea could_

_I could see that same turmoil cross her face as she once more looked down at the hospital bed. "I don't remember much, nothing that would truly help you. His face is a big blur of white, blue and red. He was definitely bigger than either me or Tristen. I remember hearing screaming and a lot of pain. I would recognize his voice, I know that much. I'm sorry I'm not much help."_

_"Tara says it's normal for someone who endured so much brain trauma to have problems with memory." Gemma spoke up beside her_

_My eyes were still trained on Chelsea. She looked so fragile and broken, just like she did when she told me about what actually happened when she disappeared. But, she was insistent on putting on the brave face and continued to beat herself up over the fact that she couldn't remember. I was almost glad that she couldn't remember just because I hated to see her hurt so much. If she did anything that day, she showed how protective she could be with children, whether it was an outsider or not. I looked to my mom who had a stubborn look on her face. I knew she was telling me that now was not the time to harass her for further details. I didn't believe that I would get any more out of her so I walked over to her and gave her a kiss on the forehead. "Well, if you do remember anything can you let me know? And Ma?" I told them both_

_"Yes baby?"_

_"Take her to see Abel, I think that's what she needs right now."_

_I felt Chelsea body tense beside me but, I knew what I said was right. Gemma offered me a smile and stood up to hug me. "Of course baby."_

_I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket and pulled it out to see that it was Halfsac. I closed the door gently behind me and answered, "Yeah?"_

_"I've got Hale here with the carnies and he doesn't seem to want to leave them. Thought I would just check in with an update."_

_"Okay, me and Chibs are on our way. Stay there and if he leaves at any point before we get there call me."_

_White...Blue...Red. Those were the colors she said she saw and it was someone she had never met. The only people I could think of was one of the carnies or the slight possibility of it being one of Darby's guys. I was going to find this fucker and that would be the end of it._

_(End of Jax's p.o.v)_

I had been released from the hospital and after I had gotten dressed, Gemma left me with Abel for a moment to talk to Jax. I had to wear a loose or open bottoms because of the cut so, I had a pair of black sweat pants on and a black long sleeve sweater that dipped down in a v-neck. I threw up my hair into a messy bun. I avoided eye contact with Jax and continued to read to Abel. My mind was racing trying to remember anything I could about that night. It was bothering me that I was of no help to the boys. I knew that they were running out of options now since they confronted the carnies, Darby and Unser. I felt bad and even seeing Abel wasn't taking my mind off of it. I was sitting with Abel, reading to him when Gemma came quickly into the room holding a vase of roses. I closed the book and looked up to her "Is everything alright?" I asked

"Yes but, can you help me with something?"

"What is it?"

"The boys, their stuck on this and can't seem to find much more clues than Hale has. I believe it's because Tristen hasn't told the whole truth. Maybe if we went and talked to her together we could find something out or maybe trigger something in you?"

I wasn't really sure if I actually wanted to know what actually happened that night. The thought actually scared me. From what I could remember seeing and feeling, I know that I didn't like that feeling. But, I still wanted to find the guy and deep down I wanted to see him hurt just like he did to the little girl. That was the thought that scared me the most, I had only thought that once before and that was when I lost my baby. I placed the book beside me and Gemma offered her hand to me. "Thank you." I said quietly

"Think nothing of it baby."

I was still having trouble walking from the cut on my thigh. Gemma offered an arm for me to grab onto and I gratefully accepted it. We had to walk slower down the halls but eventually we made it to Tristens door. Gemma peaked in the room and behind me down the halls to see if either of her parents were around. Tristen was on her phone when we came into the room and she looked sad and broken. I would gladly take all of that away from her just to give her, her life back. I gave her a comforting smile and she gave me an unsure one. What she had to have gone through must have been super hard for her. "Hi sweetie, you feeling any better?" Gemma said from behind me as she closed the door.

I walked towards the chair that was by her bedside and eased myself into it. When Tristen didn't answer Gemma, she continued to talk to her, "Guess there is a lot of people asking you questions?"

Tristen raised her phone and started to type into her phone, "My mom told me to text her if anyone tried to-" Tristen started to explain

"That's okay honey, your mom and I are old friends. She told me everything. I am so sorry that happened to you." Gemma told her

"She told you?"

"Don't worry baby. It's going to be okay."

Tristen still looked unsure and looked down to her phone again. I leaned forward in the chair and asked Gemma, "Would it be okay if maybe I talked to her for a moment?"

I knew the reason Gemma brought me here and I had a feeling since it happened to the both of us, that she would be more open to sharing with me. "For sure, I'm just going to step outside for a smoke. Meet me downstairs?"

I nodded my head and I waited for Gemma to leave before I grabbed Tristens hand in my own. Her fingers were cold against mine and trembling. She was still scared and my heart kept breaking for her. "Do you remember who I am?"

She slowly nodded her head, "Your the one that tried to save me?"

"Yes and I use to babysit you? Do you remember that?"

"Yeah."

"Do you remember all those times I helped you with homework or chores or remind you of things you had to remember to do but forgot?"

"Yes."

"Well do you think I could ask a favor in return?"

She didn't say yes or no but, kept silent. "I need your help remembering that night. You see I can only see bits and parts of that past. I can't remember his face or some of what he did to me or you? I want to help us both get past this but, I can't and you can't with that horrible man still out there? Do you understand? He will always be out there hun and I know that I wouldn't be okay with that. Would you?"

She bite her lip and said in a shaky voice, "My mom told me I shouldn't tell people what I went through. That they will judge me and that the bad man won't come back to hurt me again."

I gave her hand a squeeze and let out a sigh, dammit Karen. "No one will judge you. What you went through was a horrible thing. Nothing anyone thinks will change that. Not telling people...not sharing your story and keeping it locked up inside of you will hurt you more in the long run. I'm not saying you have to go and shout it to the world if you don't want to. But, there are many people trying to help you right now and I can't help them because I don't remember. I'll tell you what darling, you don't even have to tell them the story if you don't want. You can tell me the story and I wont tell a single person. I will just tell them who the man is and we can leave it at that? Is that okay?"

She looked me in the eyes for a few minutes before she nodded her head in agreement. "It was a fat carnie guy with blue, white and red face paint...he tricked me into leaving the arcade. He said that my parents were looking for me at the front gate, that they were worried because they couldn't find me. I followed him because I didn't want to get in trouble. The closer we got to the gate, I couldn't see my mom or dad. Before I could scream or run he wrapped his hands around my mouth and picked me up off the ground. I kicked and tried to get away...but he just wouldn't let me go. He took me into those woods and once we were deep enough he placed me down. I tried to get away...I kicked and punched him but, he was stronger than I was and I couldn't get away from him. I was giving up when I heard you calling out for me. I tried to call out for you but, I couldn't make my voice work. Then when you found me he tried to fight you...he raped you before I managed to push him away from you. He punched me in the face and I lost consciousness. I'm sorry Chelsea, I don't know anymore than that." Tristen told me the story

The further she got into the story, I quickly realized that tears started to pour from my eyes. She started to cry to and I did the only thing I knew how. I stood up and wrapped my arms around her and drew her head to my chest. I hummed a calming tune and ran my fingers through her hair. After a few minutes of this, both of us calmed down enough to let the other go. I held her face in my hands and looked her deep in her eyes, "Listen Tristen. No matter what anyone tells you, what he did was not okay. Ignoring this is not okay and you are perfectly fine to tell your mom that or keep it to yourself. But, if you choose to hold it in, don't keep it there forever. Tell someone or come talk to me, I will help you through it I promise. I want you to promise me that you will come to me if you ever need help through this. Remember you're not alone."

She closed her eyes and gave me one more hug. While her head was pressed against my chest she murmured. "I promise."

I gave her a kiss on the head and slowly headed towards the door. "Chelsea?" Tristen called out to me

"Hmm?" I asked while turning to face her again

"Thank you...thank you for listen and saving me."

"I would do it all over again."

I gave her one more smile and headed out the door. I walked down the halls and just as I reached the elevator Tara called out to me. I rolled my eyes and let out a sigh. I did not need to deal with one of Jax's ex's right now. I still threw on a fake smile and turned to face her, "What can I help you with Tara, I'm sort of in a hurry."

"Okay I won't be long. I just wanted to make sure that you are still feeling okay?"

"I'm doing as good as I was last time you asked."

"Good."

When it didn't seem like she was going to ask anything else, I turned to push the button on the elevator. "Do you know what you're doing?"

I turned to face her with a curious look on my face, "What do you mean?"

"Getting back in with Jax? He just got out of a messy marriage, has a unhealthy ex wife and a baby that is hanging on for dear life. Is it really a good thing to start something up with him right now?"

I narrowed my eyes at her, "Are you asking me this as a doctor or as someone who still loves him? For your information, I am not with Jax right now and I don't know if I ever will be. But if or when that happen people like you and Wendy need to take a step back and realize what role you actually play in his life. Have either of you ever thought that hanging onto him and relying on him for whatever type of support is what is putting all this stress on him. I backed off at least."

As I finished my rant the elevator door beeped behind me letting me now that it was time to leave. I turned around not giving Tara the chance to argue with me. As the doors were closing I said, "Good bye Tara and oh tell Wendy I said hi."

I knew that it was a complete bitch move but, the words fell out of my mouth before I could stop them. I got off on the main level and started to walk down to the entrance. Jax came from the corridor by the door that led out to the back of the hospital. "Jax?" I asked

"Hey Chelsea, you on your way out?"

I opened my mouth to say something back but, Gemma came out of the door that led outside. She looked surprised to see us both together but, she instantly focused her eyes on me. "Did you get anything out of her?"

"Um yeah, she said that it was a fat carnie clown. She also agreed with me that he had smeared white, blue and red make up."

"That's what Karen said to." Gemma pitched in

Jax gave both of us a quick kiss before he bolted out the door. I needed to stop him. There was something that I decided up there with Tristen. The only possible way that I will ever feel safe and at peace again. I made a quick apology to Gemma and walked as quickly as I could after Jax. He was just about to turn the corner when I called out to him. He turned to me and I waved him down. He ran towards me worried, "Somethin' wrong?" He asked me

I shook my head and looked at Jax with determination in my eyes. "I want to come with you Jax...please. I need this, even if it is just to watch."

"You don't understand what you're asking for. It's not like we are just going to kick the shit out of him?" Jax whispered in a hush voice and came closer to me

"I know what you're going to do Jax. Don't treat as if I'm blind to what is going to happen."

He gave me a grave look and looked behind him. "Are you sure? There is no going back from this."

I nodded my head and he kept looking at me for a few minutes. He gently intertwined my fingers with his. We walked quickly down the halls and when we reached the front door, Jax looked down the hall to see Hale and Karen talking. Jax gave Hale a grim look before he pulled my hand towards the door. "Can you ride with your leg?"

"If I sit properly yes."

We reached Jax's bike and he passed me his helmet, "Here, I will be right back don't move."

I watched him pull out his knife and walked back towards the front door. It was a few minutes before Jax returned with a smirk plastered on his face. He straddled his bike and held his hand out to help me onto the bike. I gave him a confused look and asked, "What about Hale?"

"Don't worry about him darling."

I let out a small laugh as I wrapped my hands around his waist and pressed my face against his back. My leg was giving a slight sting but, not unbearable. "Do I want to know what you did?"

"Let's just say he wont be joining us for a little while."

I smiled and held myself closer to him.

~~SOA~~

Some of the men didn't agree with me joining along but, Jax wouldn't back down about it and neither would I. Clay only agreed because I would be able to place the voice to the description that I was given. I was placed into the van in the front seat and told to stay put as we drove off to fun town. Tig turned on some of the lights to get the carnies attention and everyone stormed over to where they were. Jax told me to stay put by the food stand and to stay out of the way. I knew which way this was going right now and I just wanted to stay out of it so, I did as I was told. "Hear you guys are harboring a fugitive?" Jax stated

"What are you going to do about it?" A bigger man with a huge mustache asked

"Citizens arrest." Jax replied before nailing his fist against the guys face

Everyone took this as their sign to start fighting. This is what the guys were good at and in some of their cases was what they loved to do. Like Tig who from what I could tell had bit a chunk out of the guy he was fighting with. Bobby and Chibs drug a bigger guy with scratches across his face towards me "Say something you piece of shit." Chibs spat at the guy

I didn't need to hear him speak to know it was him. My body was telling me that it was wrong to be near him and my instincts were telling me to run or beat the living crap out of him. "Fuck off!" The guy spat back

His voice sent the same chills down my spine as they did that night. I bit my lip and narrowed my eyes at him. I nodded my head to let the boys know that they had the right guy. "Come on lass." Chibs told me

I wrapped my arms around myself but, stayed rooted to the spot as Chibs and Bobby dragged the guy towards the van. My eyes were focused on Jax who was releasing all his rage on the ring leaders face. As everyone got up to leave Jax still stayed on top of the guy not, wanting to stop his assault. I realized then how much this actually affected him to and my heart ached for him. Tig was the one to pull him off and coax him towards his bike. Once I knew everything was over and safe I walked towards the van again. I could hear Jax and Tig shouting behind me at the victory they just won.

~~SOA~~

We drove to a deserted area off of a back road outside of Charming and waited for Elliot's arrival. I stood in front of the man who was now bound and gagged in front of me. I couldn't take my eyes off him as my hatred and anger continued to rise. I barely noticed when Elliot's car pulled up and Elliot walked down into the ditch with a knife in his hands. Bobby and Chibs continued to hold him down as Elliot walked right up to the man. "Here's the scumbag raped your little girl." Clay told Elliot

The man started to panic and Elliot walked past me to the man breathing heavy in anger. "Cattle guys call this an Ellsie-maker. It's used to cut the balls off of bulls. Strip him." Elliot seethed

The man started to scream through his gag and Bobby and Chibs pulled his pants down. I clenched my jaw as I saw the marks on his stomach that me and Tristen left on his body. But, as I dragged my eyes to Elliot, he seemed to be more hesitant than before. "He deserves every second of the pain." Clay urged him on

When Elliot still didn't make a move on the man, Clay stepped up towards him, "What are we going to do here Elliot? We had a deal." Clay asked

"I know." Elliot mumbled

Elliot took a stance in front of the whimpering man but, still didn't seem like he could take the plunge. After a few deep breaths Elliot threw the blade away from him and it landed near my feet. He looked back at Clay, "Sorry, I'm sorry I..." Elliot mumbled an apology to everyone before taking off towards his vehicle

Everyone held a hard look on their face as they thought over what to do. My hands were shaking and I pulled my sweater over my hands. No one seemed to notice what I was doing...I didn't even truly realize what it was that I was even doing. The man started to struggle and scream again and I could faintly hear Jax calling out for me. I no longer felt like I was in my own body and I was still standing off on the side. I felt his blood falling down my fingers and sweater. He muffled a cry and I spoke the harshest words ever, ones that I never thought I was capable of saying, "You are a dirty perverted shitbag that deserves no less than what you are subjected to right now. I hope that raping that defenseless thirteen year old girl was worth it in the end. I hope making me fight for my life and hers was worth it because that is the mistake that marked your grave. You are a low life piece of shit."

I left the knife in his gut and stumbled backwards. I couldn't look at him anymore as the world came crashing down on me. I had played a part in killing someone and that was something I would have to deal with for the rest of my life. I felt arms wrap around my shoulders drawing me into them. I looked up to see Jax's worried blue eyes looking into my own. "I'm sorry Jax." I whispered


	11. Fundraiser

**{Hello everyone. Updates should be coming faster now that I'm out of school. I would like to thank angelicedg I don't think in the SOA world that there really is a normal but thank you very much for your review. Thanks to NatalieLynn for your long review. I agree with everything, my goal is to keep the explanation weak for now and you'll see why in a little bit. I'm glad for your lengthy input keep it up! It gives me loads of motivation and a chance to see into how a reader is interpreting my story. Thank you to everyone else who has favorite or followed. Please continue to review, favorite and follow it all means a lot to me. I do not own the Sons of Anarchy only my own character(s) and anything else that you do not recognize.}**

It had felt like years since I had seen any daylight. Since the day I killed a man I had taken to holding myself in my room, with all the blinds closed. I had yet to eat except for the times that Gemma or Jax had shoved food into me. If it wasn't for them I should have died days ago. As much as I hated it Jax would send Tara to my house for home visits to check on my bandages and bruising. So in other words besides my mental and emotional state, I was perfectly fine. I hadn't seen Jax in a few days, I remembered something about him leaving for Nevada but, besides that I choose to ignore what I had been told. I had laid on my couch early that day and held my daughters would have been blanket to my face. Toying with the stitching that was on it before Gemma stormed in. She didn't look mad but annoyed was more of the word. "Ma!" Jax yelled after her as he walked into my house after her

Not even two seconds in my house and she already had all my curtains open. I hissed at her as the light blinded me and I placed the blanket over my face. I could faintly hear Gemma's heels click across my hard wood floor before the blanket was ripped from me. I sat up completely frustrated now. "What the hell Gemma!" I shouted

"Don't sass me little girl. You have been in this house feeling sorry for yourself for far to long. It is time to get up and get over it. You are a big girl and you have made it out of worse before. So get up, we have things to do today." Gemma ordered me with her hands on her hips.

I looked over to Jax who was standing in my doorway for help but, he just shrugged his shoulders. I should've known better then to ask mama's boy for help in this situation. Or really anyone, when Gemma was this annoyed it was best to just do what she said. That's why I completely ignored what she said and laid back on my couch and stared at the wall. A huff came from the woman and she bent over so she was eye level with me. I could feel the anger radiating off of her. "Listen here Chelsea, I am not going to play this goddamn game. Either you get up there and take a shower or I will drag your skinny ass up there by the top of your hair and don't doubt that I won't do it either." She threatened

I still tried to defy her thinking that she honestly wouldn't do that to me in my own house. "One." Gemma started to count

She didn't move from her spot as she stared me down. "Two." She continued

Her face got closer to mine and her eyes fell into slits. I could literally feel my heart race from the look she was giving me."Thr-"

"Okay, okay! I get it. I'll go get in the shower jeez." I cut her off

I pushed past her and went straight to my stairs, giving Jax a glare as I walked past him. He gave me an apologetic look and I scoffed under my breath. As I reached my room I shed each piece of clothing until I stood directly under the hot water. I leaned my head against the corner of my shower, sighing in enjoyment. The water felt great as it hit my back and slide down my body. I had no idea how long I had been in there for but, once the water became to cold for me to handle, I turned the knob off and wrapped a towel around my body. My bathroom had become extremely cloudy and I needed some air. I pulled open my bathroom door only to come face to face with Jax's shirt. I stumbled backwards and looked up at him, he seemed to be in mid knock when I had opened the door. I blushed instantly and shut the door in his face pressing my back against it. "What do you think you're doing!" I shouted

"What do you mean? You were taking to long I got worried."

"Why did you come up?"

"Gemma had an emergency and had to run. She told me to run up and get you going."

"You're such a mama's boy!"

"You've seen my mother." Was his only reply

I had to agree with him there and I slide to the ground. I felt a small thud against my door and I could hear Jax sliding to the ground on the other side. "You know it's not anything I haven't seen before." Jax joked

I felt my cheeks grow hotter and I bit my bottom lip. I clutched my towel closer to my body and looked down at my flooring. "Jax?" I called out quietly

"Yeah?"

"Will this ever become normal? I can't do this forever...my heart can't take it."

I didn't receive an answer right away but then his voice floated back through the door. "I hope so Chels."

The weight against the door lifted and I could hear the shuffle of Jax's feet as they became more distant. "I'll be downstairs. Today is the - fundraiser for the schools. Gemma wants you there and there is no option of not attending."

I waited a few minutes before I stood up and peaked out the door. He was no longer in my room and my bedroom door was shut. I walked into my room and sat on my bed. He wouldn't give me an answer. I knew that I put him on the spot but, I was hoping for an answer. I slipped my towel off and shimmied on my long white dress that had dark blue feathers on it. I threw my hair up into a high bun with a braid starting with my bangs until it reached my ear where I tucked it into my bun. I stared at my reflection for a minute contemplating if I honestly wanted to go to this. My complexion was extremely pale and I had bags under my eyes and my cheeks looked a little sunken in. It was obvious that I hadn't slept or eaten in days. I gently started to apply make up to my face while I scrutinized over it. Once I was completely content with how I looked I gathered up my courage and walked down the stairs. Jax was leaning against my couch holding a picture frame in his hands. I stopped at the stairs with a confused look on my face as I reached over to grab my purse from the table. "I remember when this was taken." Jax mumbled

I took a step over towards him and peaked over at the picture frame. It was a combined picture that I had gotten at my baby shower. On one corner of the frame was a picture of me and Jax when we first met with me sitting on his bike and him holding me from behind with a beach in the background. On the opposite corner was the last ultrasound picture I got of our daughter. The only thing missing from the frame was where her hospital bracelet was supposed to go. I felt my heart flutter as I looked at the expression on his face. He looked nostalgic and as if he was longing for something he couldn't have. His eyes connected with mine and I took a step back and cleared my throat. "Well, we should get going or your mom will have our heads."

I walked away from him and opened the door waiting for him to walk out with me. He looked at the picture once more before he placed it back on the table that was beside my couch. We walked to his bike in complete silence. I could tell that he was mulling over something in his head and I didn't want to interrupt him. I pulled my dress up to straddle the bike and slipped the helmet over my head. I slipped my hands around his waist and pulled my body against his as he started up his bike and within seconds we took off to the school. When we arrived at the school I slipped off the bike and took the helmet off and passed it to him. "Listen Jax, sorry about these past few weeks."

He took the helmet from me and shook his head. "I would be more worried if you were completely okay with what happened. You have had two deaths happen in front of you in the last few months. It wouldn't be okay if you were all sunshine's and rainbows darling."

"Come on Jax, you know me. I've never been like that." I tried to joke around

"Chelsea!" a loud voice shouted from behind me

I looked over to see Gemma waving at me and pointing at some bags that were by her feet. I looked back to Jax and said, "Looks like I'm need elsewhere. I'll see you later?"

"Yeah, I gotta go gather Bobby. But, hey listen I'm gonna go see the kid later today did you want to come?"

"I would love to," I gave him a small smile and leaned in wrapping my arms around him and placing a gentle kiss on his cheek "Until later than."

I walked towards where Gemma had the bags and picked them up heading around the side of the building. I could hear Jax as he pulled away and I bit my lip as I thought of how my heart hurt every time he pulled away from me. As I came around the corner though, a woman I recognized was standing with Gemma and Luann. Gemma's eyes landed on me and so did the lady. "Hello April, long time." I smiled at her

"Yeah, nice to see you Chelsea," April looked back to Gemma, "Thank you."

"I can't promise anything." Gemma said back

I placed the bags on the table and looked between them confused. Once April walked away I walked around the table and started to help Gemma with the food. "Isn't that Kyle's wife?" I asked

Gemma didn't hesitate with what she was doing and she replied, "Yeah and she wants him to come back tonight for her kids band."

"Isn't that the guy that put Op in jail?"

Gemma gave a snicker but, didn't answer me. I knew my answer by her tone, "Do you think the boys will let it happen?" I asked

"I don't know baby but, we will find out later."

I nodded my head and continued to help out around the stands.

~~SOA~~

I had been dropped off at the hospital by Gemma and I went straight for Abel. Jax wasn't here yet so I took the chance to sneak in and watch him. He looked so peaceful in the toaster but, I couldn't help the instinct to want to pick him up and cradle him in my arms. I placed my fingers on the plastic and leaned my forehead against it, "Soon little buddy and you can come out of there and go home...I hope."

"So do I." a calming voice said from behind me.

I turned around a little startled to see Jax standing behind me closing the door. "Sorry, I shouldn't have come in here without but, I couldn't help it. I wanted to see the little guy."

Jax laid a hand on my shoulder and chuckled, "Don't worry about it Chels you can come see him whenever you want. You're on the family list."

I smiled and turned to face Abel again and Jax sat in the chair beside me. It was then that I noticed that he had a book in his hands. "You going to read to him?" I laughed a little at him

Big bad ass biker reading to his son now that was a sight I never thought I would see. "Do you mind?"

"No not at all." I turned back to face Abel and I noticed his eyes were open

My smile grew wide as his eyes connected with me. I could barely hear what Jax was telling his son until I noticed a movement from the window. At first I didn't think anything of it, after all people loved babies and would peak in to see them all the time. But, this figure didn't leave after a few minutes and when I looked over it didn't seem like he was there as a friendly visitor. "As I ride along I hear a great sound. What could it be? What could it be? It's a merry go round. I'm sorry little man I'm not as good at this as gramma."

I gave Jax a light kick and he looked over at us. But, when he noticed my attention was drawn elsewhere that was when he noticed the man that was standing there. Jax stood up and leaned into my ear, "I will be right back okay?"

I nodded my head and watched as Jax walked out of the room and straight to the guy. When Jax confronted him, the man walked away after a moment. Jax looked back at us with a confused look and shook his head before coming back in the room. Before Jax could get a word out his phone went off. He flipped it open and spoke, "Hello...okay I'll be there in about fifteen. I'm just with the kid...bye."

I looked back to Abel with a sympathetic look "You gotta go already?" I asked

"Yeah, are you gonna stay here with the kid or do you want a ride?"

"No, I think I'll stay here with Abel. Gemma said she was going to pick me up from here for the fundraiser."

I didn't receive an answer instead his hands overlapped with mine his body pressed up against my back. He placed his face right beside me and he complimented, "You almost look like his mother standing over him protective like that."

I know that he meant it to be a compliment but, it still hurt. "But, I'm not his mother and I honestly don't deserve to be."

Jax's body stilled against mine but, before he had the chance to tell me that I was wrong his phone went off again. He pulled away from me and answered his phone. I could tell it was someone from the club and once he hung up he went to the door without saying anything. "We will talk about this later but, for now stay with him and if that guy shows back up call me."

He didn't give me a chance to reply before he was gone again. I looked back down to Abel and mumbled. "He doesn't know how grateful I would be to be your mom but, just between us...I'm scared."

~~SOA~~

"Go and find him!" Gemma growled at me

Bobby had yet to show up and it wasn't just him a bunch of the members had yet to arrive. I didn't want to argue with her so I walked out past the people. The closer I got to the end the louder the bikes got. I hoped as I got closer that it was them. I watched as a black truck pulled into the lot and Kyle got out. I stopped in my tracks and the bikes I had heard shut off. I wasn't the only one that was watching the scene unfold in front of me. As April and the kids got out of her truck a tall pretty blonde came around the side of Kyle's truck. So far it seemed that Kyle still had it pretty good. A good truck, a hot babe and his family still. I looked beside me and Bobby, Tig and Jax were all getting off their bikes. They walked towards me and I spoke to Bobby. "Hey you're late and Gemma is going to tear you're head off if you're even a second later."

Bobby grumbled under his breathe and Tig gave me a small smile. "Good to see that you still have spunk." Tig complimented

I shook my head and pushed both of them on. I looked back at the Kyle then Jax and spoke quietly, "Behave."

I continued on with the group and separated from them as Gemma caught sight of them. I went to where Op had his fireworks and started to go through them making sure all of them were there. I pulled one of the boxes to a chair and started to take them out. I looked up to look for Opie but, as I looked to the entrance I saw Jax had Kyle pinned against the wall. This wasn't good, he wouldn't be stupid enough to start something here would he? Jax looked out at the crowd and his eyes connected with Gemma's and mine before he spat something at Kyle and walked away from him. I rolled my eyes but, continued on with my work.

I was about four boxes in when Opie walked over to me. "Done spending time with your family?" I asked

"The kids are getting tired, figured I would come and help you out."

"I really don't need the help Op."

"Don't you want to go out and eat or try out one of the game stands."

"Nah, not really my thing."

"You mean not really your thing after the fair."

My body stilled at the mention of those horrible days. "Look sorry, I know I shouldn't bring it up but, I'm worried about you. Haven't seen you around much." Opie apologized

"I'll be fine in the end, I always am. To tell you the truth, the first few days were hard but, it has been getting slightly easier everyday." I told him the truth

I looked over Opie's shoulder to see Jax coming towards us and I looked down immediately. "You bow out of the egg toss?" Jax asked Opie

Both of the guys sat down and I continued to look through the boxes. Opie sighed "Yeah...yeah I did. I wanted the guy to be a miserable broken piece of shit without SAMCRO. I tell you I'm having a hard time man." Opie confided in us

"He may not look it Op but, with out SAMCRO I'm sure he is that miserable piece of shit that you want him to be. All that crap he has is just a cover." I told Opie in hopes to make him feel slightly better

It's not as if I was lying but, Opie looked at me as if he couldn't believe a word I had said. Jax offered a smoke to him and Opie mumbled his appreciation. Both of the guys lit up and Opie continued on, "You know this club means everything to me. The only thing I ever wanted from the time I went here. With everything else Donna, the kids...work. We're all heading in the opposite direction just can't hook shit up. Feel like I'm missing on every front."

"I got no answers. My family plan is right out of the sid and nancy handbook. I'm so used to shit moving in the other direction, I don't know what I'd do if something actually hooked up." Jax spoke up

Both me and Opie laughed at his reference and stared over at Kyle. "You know Op, I don't think any of us can ever hook anything up in our lives. One part of our life wants to go in another direction but, another wants to continue on the path that you've already started."

We watched as Kyle missed the egg and got it on his shoulder and I snickered before going back to what I was doing. "Do you think he is happy?" Opie asked

Jax inhaled sharply and replied, "I don't know. But, I like what Chelsea's sum up of him was."

I smiled but, didn't look up at him. "Thank you."

I dropped one of the fireworks and I bent over to grab it but as I did I looked up to see Kyle's bimbo pulling off his sweater. His sweater pulled on his shirt and I could see a flash of what looked like the reaper on his back. Judging by the boys reactions they did to. They both stood up angry but, Opie stuck his hand out to stop Jax from walking past him. "This is me." is all Opie said before he took off

I looked over to Jax and warned him, "I would keep an eye on them. If they start something and your mother see's she will loose it on you."

Jax nodded his head and walked after him. I continued on with what I was doing but just as I was finishing all the boxes and started piling them against the wall, Donna's voice carried over the crowd. "Chelsea can I talk to you?"

I stopped what I was doing and looked back over at her. She was pushing herself through the crowd, "What can I do for you Donna?"

"Have you seen Op?"

I placed the box that I was holding down and patted my hands together. "Not since earlier during the egg toss why?"

Donna looked as if she was having an inner conflict with herself and I placed my hand on her shoulder guiding her to a chair. "What's the matter?"

"Nothing-"

"Don't Donna, I've known you for years and I know that look. You're not okay."

Donna closed her eyes and let out a deep breath. "Are our guys stuck in this life with no chance out?" She asked me

When she opened her eyes and looked at me I could see the pain behind them. I grabbed Dona's hand in my own, "I know that after Opie went away that you struggled with it. I know I wasn't here for the ending of that or to help through the way but, this is all he knows Donna. As much as you don't like that this is all he knows how to do. There is no way out of the club and the only other way I have heard is to go Nomad. But, Donna he is still attached to the club and he always will be."

Donna's hand tightened in mine, "I just don't want to see him go away again what is so horrible about that?"

"There is nothing wrong with that. I'm sure all the old ladies worry about that everyday. That is something you sign up for when you marry them. I know you didn't marry the club that you married Op but the club is apart of Op."

"And what about you?" Donna asked turning it around on me

I scrunched my eyebrows together, "What do you mean about me?"

"You and Jax are back together aren't you?"

"No, where did you hear that?"

"Jax. How do you handle that and stay strong? Jax is in deeper than Opie how are you going to live with that knowledge?"

I looked out into the crowd searching for the man I was ready to beat down for telling Donna we were together. I honestly wished that were true but, at this moment in time it wasn't. I found him talking with Gemma but his gaze was locked on the man that had visited us at the hospital. Kyle and Opie were walking towards us and Kyle looked pretty beat up. "Chelsea?" Donna called out to me bringing my attention back to her

"What? Oh, I don't know what would make me stay with him to be truthfully honest. What I do know is that I would love Jax to the end. If that meant having to live with SAMCRO then so be it. I'm not saying I would be happy with the thought of him getting injured or the thought of him leaving me but, to tell him I love him is to tell him that I would be with him forever. Plus I know I will always have the other old ladies to talk to. Which is something you should start doing."

Donna opened her mouth to reply but Opie's words filled the gap. "Looks like you guys are bonding."

We both let go of each others hands and stood up to greet the guys. I looked between the men with a suspicious eye but said nothing. "Look, we're going back to the clubhouse for some supplies. Gemma wants you to come with us so that you can make sure that I at least come back in time." Opie explained

"Okay well let's go then." I knew that there was an underlying message in his voice but choose to keep to myself for the moment

Opie leaned in and gave Donna a kiss on the lips before they both started to walk away. I stayed back to give Donna a hug and I whispered in her ear, "Don't worry I'll make sure he comes back and I'm sure Jax will watch out for him right now. Especially after what happened."

Donna gave me a squeeze before she released me and I took off after the boys.

~~SOA~~

It was becoming really late and all the boys had gathered in the bar. I had been told that I was brought here to make sure nothing happened between the boys until everyone arrived. It was dark out when Jax, Clay, Bobby and Tig all came through the door. I was in the process of playing pool with Piney when Tig called out, "It smells in here."

"How'd it go with the Chinese?" Piney asked while he waited for me to make my shot

Clay's eyes traveled to me giving me a clear warning not to repeat anything that was said. "Not to good." Jax replied

I leaned over and slid the pool cue between my fingers while I lined up my shot. "Well where's Chucky?" Piney asked again

"That's the upside." Clay smirked while he popped off the lid off his beer

I gave a rough tap to the ball and watched as I pocketed two balls. Piney turned back to the table to deal with his turn and I watched as Kyle tried to play nice with Clay. Clay didn't look interested and continued on with a separate conversation. He spoke a little quieter so I wouldn't hear. "Well, I better get back to the fireworks or your moms going to be stuffing gunpowder up my ass." Opie told everyone

"Yeah, I'm sure we're all on the Gemma shit list by now." Jax laughed while he followed Opie out into the hall.

"I live on that shit list." Clay smirked and took a swig of his beer

I pocketed another couple balls while Jax was speaking with Opie in the hall. One of the balls I pocketed was the eight ball which meant that I lost. Piney was laughing at me but, in secret I knew that it was time that I left. I grabbed my bag and gave Piney a quick hug. "Well boys, I think my bed is calling me back home. I will see you all later." I said my goodbyes

Everyone mumbled their goodbyes and I walked down the hall just as Jax was walking back down the hall. I tried to slip by him but he grabbed onto my arm. "I know that you're avoiding me and I'm sure I know the reason why. Once I'm done here, would you mind if I came by?" He asked

I bit my lip for a moment as I contemplated what he was asking. "Only for a minute." I compromised

He seemed to accept this and he leaned in to give me a hug. But when he gave me a kiss, his lips pressed to my lips instead of my cheek. It was hesitant, almost as if he wasn't sure what to expect from me. When he pulled away I turned around and walked out the back.

~~SOA~~

It was almost midnight when a knock came to my door. Since the last time I spoke with Jax, I couldn't sleep and had been waiting on my couch for him to come over. So when the knock came, I jumped from my couch straightening out my hair and pajamas. I looked through the peep hole and saw the back of someone wearing a leather jacket. But, his form didn't look like Jax's. I opened the door hesitantly, "Yes?"

The man turned around to face me and I recognized him as the man at the hospital. "You're Chelsea right?" He asked with a smirk

"What can I help you with?" I asked suspiciously

"I was hoping that I could talk to you? About Jax Teller?" he told me

"At this time of night?"

"Sorry but, it is necessary. May I come in?"

Something wasn't right about him. "Actually I was just going to bed. If you want to talk to me about anything you can come with a cop and at a decent time of day. Good night."

I went to slam the door in his face but, he placed his foot in the doorway. "Can I just ask you one question?"

I glared at him, "Remove your foot from my door before I break it."

"Are you and Mr. Teller a couple? Or would you happen to know the relationship he shares with Doctor Tara Knowles?"

"Excuse me? My relationship with Jax has nothing to do with you and if you want to know so bad about Doctor Knowles you can ask her yourself. Now leave."

The sound of a bike coming up my street alerted the man in front of me and he removed his foot. "Have a nice night Chelsea."

I watched as the man disappeared into a silver car and drove away. As Jax pulled up in his wake I had a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach.


	12. Deep Sleep

**{Hey, guys I am super sorry for the late update, I know that I am taking a while. I had some issues at work and my computer crashed and I couldn't afford to fix it for a while. My goal is to get back on track like I was before. I would like to thank angelicedg, india-guest and lunasheart for your enthusiastic reviews. I appreciate your waiting and I hope this update lives up to your expectations. I would also like to thank everyone who has followed and favorite this story, it all means a lot and I apologize to you as well. Remember to follow, favorite and review for the updates. I do not own the Sons of Anarchy only my own character and anything else that you do not recognize.}**

I waited until Jax reached my door before I pulled my eyes from the road. When I looked at Jax he looked at me confused, I shook my head and turned away from the door leaving Jax at the door. I pressed my finger against my forehead and rubbed my temple in a circle. I could hear the door close quietly behind me. "I'm tired Jax what do you need to talk about?"

I curled up on the couch and watched carefully as Jax sat opposite to me. "I need to explain myself—"he started to speak to me

"Explain what Jax; I know everything that I need to know. You want distance from me so that you can protect your junkie ex, you have sex with sweet butts in the process and you still care for your other ex. I am not about to be in some fucked up love triangle Jax. I don't deserve to be treated like any other lady of the club, I deserve more than that."

Jax gave me a cautious look and I rolled my eyes and motioned for him to continue to talk. "What Wendy and I have is nothing but she is my kid's mother, I have to help her somehow and this is the only way I know how anymore and I have told you that me and Tara are history, there isn't anything there anymore."

"That's not what either of them think Jax. They both believe that they still have a chance. I can understand Wendy but Tara…there is no reason for Tara to be involved anymore unless it comes to your kid. Jax you need to decide who you want in your life, I am not going to be here forever."

"I promise nothing is happening with me and Tara no matter what she believes. You need to be patient with Wendy, what I text you the other day was not the best decision. I need you in my life Chels, no matter the past we both need each other."

"What about Emily Duncan? I will not be another oblivious old lady that will never happen…i-it cant." I choked out

"It was for the club, we needed her. I know that it wasn't the best choice that I could have made but we aren't together. It's not an excuse I know that but, it's all that I have," Jax stood up from the couch and grasped my hands in his as he knelt in front of me, "Chelsea, I am just a man that has always been hopelessly in love with a pretty blonde from his childhood. A blonde that has shown him every emotion possible in the life I live. I am here asking you to bear with me while this shit is figured out. It may take more than a few days but we will fix this. No matter how slow we have to go, I love you Chelsea."

I looked down at Jax and I pulled one of my hands from his, placing it on his cheek. I leaned forward placing my forehead against his and smiled, "If you can forgive me Jax, I can forgive you but remember I won't wait for ever."

I placed a hesitant and gentle kiss on his lips, which he responded back with. I pulled away and after making sure that my head was completely clear of the haze I felt myself in, I stood up not letting go of his hand. Jax didn't complain, instead he followed behind me obediently as I lead him up the stairs into my bedroom. His eyes never left mine as I pulled him into my bed. He wrapped his arms around my body pulling me tight into his body. I could feel his even breath against my ear and for once in so long I felt completely at ease…completely safe.

~~SOA~~

A few days had passed since the conversation that I had with Jax. So far, he had stayed every night with me and I had stuck around the club most days. Jax had distanced himself from Tara and Wendy unless he had to be near them. We had been taking it slow, doing nothing more than a kiss and make out session here and there and a date night on his motorcycle when we could. There was the odd drama that had happened out here, like Gemma hitting Half Sack's new girlfriend in the face with a skateboard because she had slept with Clay in another charter. As well as new ATF bitch snooping around the shop. Today Jax had disappeared early in the morning leaving me to wake up to an empty pillow with a note on it.

I had lots that I had to do today so I rolled over and got dressed in the first thing I found. I threw on a black tank top with a set of blue shorts and a white open sweater and a set of a leopard print flats. I placed my hair into a tidy pony with the odd hair and bangs framing my face. I took off down the road heading for the main streets. I had stopped by a few shops to pick up some clothing but had just finished walking out of a flower shop with the plan of heading home. Just as I was passing the local barbershop, the glass shattered and an ATF agent had come flying out of the window with Jax following shortly behind. Startled by the scene in front of me I had dropped the vase of flowers I was carrying and I could barely hear the shattering of my glass from the commotion in front of me. Jax started to punch his face and I took a few steps back from the scene happening in front of me. It didn't take long for Unser and Hale to show up arresting both men. Jax then finally looking up to see me looked guilty for what he had done.

What was it that he had to be guilty for? It's not as if he would have attacked this man let alone an ATF agent out of the blue. But, when I realized that the ATF agent that was attacked was the man that was questioning me at my house, I started to piece it together. This was the agent that was interested in the relationship Jax had with myself and with Tara. Could this have something to do with her? He promised me that he was done with her. I bent over to pick up the flowers that were laying on the ground in the pile of broken glass and water. I could feel the anger and confusion bubbling up in the back of my mind. I didn't want to just suppose that he was seeing her behind my back but what if he was. As I was focused on my thoughts that I hadn't realized that, someone was helping me gather my flowers until there hand came into my vision. I blinked and looked up to the stranger who was helping me but, this wasn't a stranger at all, it was Charlie.

I stood up in a panic and took a few quick steps away from him, clutching the flowers against my chest. "What do you want?" I asked making sure to keep a careful distance from him

"I told you that we weren't done yet." He said matter of factly

"I told you everything I knew."

"Is that so, well then why are you so scared to stand up to me. Why won't you look me in the eye when you or I bring up Ash?" He asked

I bite my lip and looked around me for any escape I could get to quick enough. "I think you know more than you are letting on. No, I know that you are, I know that you are a part of whatever happened to him and I will get it out of you one way or another." He threatened as he walked towards me.

My heart raced with every word that he said and before I knew what I was doing I had turned away from him and went running towards Teller Morrow, which was the closest placed to me. As soon as I arrived in the parking lot, I finally took the moment to breathe and I dropped everything to the ground and slid to the ground against the wall after them, placing my head in my hands. I was not only hyperventilating but I felt my body shaking from fear. "Chelsea?" Chibs voiced reached out to me

My body became rigid and I didn't want to move or look in the direction of his voice. I came to Teller Morrow because it was the first safe place that I thought of. But, what I didn't take into account was the fact that it was inevitable that I would draw someone's attention. I could hear Chibs walking towards me and eventually his arms circled around my shoulders drawing me into him again. The resolve I tried to bring back crashed down again and more sobs escaped my lips. My hands grabbed his cut and I clung to him. "Come on lassie, tell me what happened?" Chibs smooth voice tried to comfort me

"I-I-I cant." My voice stuttered

His hands started to rub my back and he whispered, "Listen to me, I won't force you to tell me anything you don't want to but, you got me worried kiddo."

It was Chibs wasn't it? I could trust Chibs with my life could I not? "A guy I knew…his brother is looking for him…he thinks I know what happened to him." I murmured

"Do you?" Chibs asked

I didn't answer him right away, so he pulled away grabbing my face and making me look at him. "Chelsea answer me."

My eyes wandered back down to his cut and more tears began to fall as Ash's face flashed through my mind. I bit my lip and nodded my head, "But, I can't tell him."

"Why?"

My eyes met his determined to finally tell someone of the threat that I had felt since the first day in the office. But, before I could tell him the danger, I heard Tig calling over to us and started to make his way over to us. "Hey, you ready to go to this thing or what?" Tig asked

I turned my face away from Tig and started to push my tears away. Chibs stood up to talk to Tig and draw the attention away from me. "Sure brother. I'm going to be bringing this trouble maker with me." Chibs told him

I had no complaints and I couldn't hear what they were talking about after that because they began to whisper to each other. After a few minutes, I heard Tigs feet shuffle away and Chibs walk back over to me. "Where are we going?" I asked Chibs

"Prospects got a fight to get to." Chibs explained as he helped me up to my feet

I gave him a confused look but he patted my back and gave me a gentle push towards his bike. "Chibs?"

"Yes lassie?"

"Don't tell Jax please." I told him more than asked

He wrapped an arm around my shoulder "Alright but, I won't keep it from him if he asks."

I knew that was the best I was going to get out of Chibs. One thing I did know was that if I had told him how I felt threatened it wouldn't be a secret that he would be willing to keep.

~~SOA~~

_(Jax p.o.v)_

_This day just kept getting better and better. First, I find out about this ATF agent is stalking Tara and then I come home to find out that he broke into MY house and into MY kids room and pissed all over everything. I hunted him down and shoved him through a plate glass window, what I neglected to notice was that Chelsea was walking down the road when it happened and she saw everything. How was I going to explain this one without dragging Tara into it? I promised her that I was done but I couldn't leave Tara hanging dry with no protection against this sick fuck. He was not only stalking Tara but also, threating everything and everyone in my life. On top of that, as soon as I get out of the cop shop, I go to see my ma and get into a fight with her over everything that's been happening. Now I am sitting on my front step, in desperate need of a cigarette and who walks up but Tara. She took one look at me and said, "Jesus are you okay?"_

_"Yeah." I told her while I stubbed out my smoke_

_"Hale told me what happened." She stated_

_So, that's why she was here. "Kohn's gone, I watched him leave town." I told her in an attempt to reassure her_

_She sat down beside me, worry still etched on her face. But that worry soon turned to gratitude and she placed a hand on my arm and an arm around my neck pulling me in for a hug. I let her do this, even though the voice in the back of my head was yelling at me after what I promised Chelsea this morning. After a moment like this she whispered, "Thank you."_

_I pulled away from her, a new thought crossing my mind. I looked at her not saying a word at first debating if I should bring it up or not. She gave me a confused look, her arms still not leaving me. "What is it?" She asked_

_"You left Chicago, cause you were afraid this guy was going to hurt you." I told her_

_She became even more confused as I brought this up. She brought her arms away from me and crossed her arms across her chest. "One of the reasons."_

_"Did you come back here because you knew that I'd hurt this guy? Do what the cops wouldn't do?" I asked her honestly_

_"God no and I had no idea he would follow me here. I-I didn't know you'd even still be here." She stated rather quickly_

_I looked away from her and back towards the street. It was then that a figure caught my eye but, before I could make out who it was Tara started speaking and my attention was drawn back to her. "This doesn't sound like you Jax, sounds like your mother."_

_I shook my head and looked back at the road but whoever was there was now gone. As I looked down the road though, I got an uneasy feeling, one that I couldn't explain. "Well your safe now." Was the only reply I could offer her_

_I stood up and after a quick goodbye; I left Tara on my doorstep. As soon as I closed the front door, I took out my phone with one person in mind._

_(End of Jax p.o.v)_

After cheering on Kip during his fight, all I wanted was to go back to Jax and explain everything that was going on or at least part of it. This was something that I shouldn't be keeping from him and I realized that today. I needed to get advice or at least know that everything was going to be okay. But, as I was walking down his dark street, there was a sight in front of me that I never wanted to see. Sitting on his front door step was him and Tara, locked into each other's arms. My blood boiled and tears began to spill once more. How could he do this to me! He promised me that there was nothing going on with them! Jax looked down this way but didn't seem to recognize me at first but, then once more Tara called his attention to her. I started to around ready to walk back home when I ran face first into someone's body. I stumbled backwards and found the agent that Jax beat up standing behind me. But, he wasn't looking at me; he was looking at the same scene I was with pure hatred in his eyes. "It's curious isn't it?" He mumbled

I looked over my shoulder and then back to him. "What is?" I asked

"How someone you can love so dearly can betray you with someone that you have tried to protect them from." He stated his eyes still never leaving the scene in front of him

I shook my head not really knowing what he was going on about and walked past him. I had only made it a few steps past him when an arm wrapped around my waist pulling me tightly into him and a cloth landed over my nose and mouth. I tried to scream and kick against the man but, the more I struggled the faster my conscious began to slip.


	13. Bang! Bang!

**{Hey guys, I'm back! I would like to start off by thanking daisibelle23 I appreciate the comment and I felt as different as that can be it would be weird not to have explained it properly instead of just saying yeah Chelsea had his baby in her tummy and she lost it. That's definitely not as good as how I went about it. To angelicedg I think you are going to like where I go with this. To india-guest oh yes lol. Thank you to everyone else who has followed and favorite. Remember to review, favorite and follow it all means a lot to me. I do not own Sons of Anarchy only my own characters and anything that you do not recognize.}**

My eyes fluttered open and a moan escaped my lips from the splitting headache that followed especially with any movement. When I tried to sit up I found that I couldn't and that my hands and feet were bound together. My eyebrows knitted together in confusion until the events of the night prior started to come back...that fucking agent. I tried to roll onto my side so I could get a better view of the room I was in. Judging by the cold floor I was on and that there was only one window that was tiny and in the corner, I was in a basement. How long had I been out? I struggled against the tape that binned me together, trying desperately to get out of the situation that I was in. My voice cracked as I called out for help but, I knew it was futile if anyone was where I was it was the agent who kidnapped me and I really didn't want his attention. I looked around for anything I could use to help me. There were a few boxes, the tape that was used for my hands and that was it.

But, one thing did catch my eye, part of the concrete in the corner was pushed up and broken. It was a long shoot but, I wasn't going to give up without a fight. I pushed myself up onto my butt and scotched my way across the floor until I could lie back on top of the crack. I could feel the somewhat sharp edge digging into my wrist and I bit my lip as I slid my wrist up and down it. Even though I could feel the crack digging away at my hands with every slip I made, I felt like it wasn't doing anything to the tape. I hissed as felt the crack break skin and at that point I gave up and relaxed my body into the floor. I twisted my hands as much as I could and that when I felt it, the little break at the bottom of the tape. I could feel it on the tips of my fingers, just far enough out of my reach that I couldn't pull on it at all. I tensed up my body once more until I felt a pull on the tape, letting me know that the crack was pulling on the cut in the tape. I continued to give it a firm tug each time getting it looser and looser. Until I managed to pull it apart, while I pushed my arms out. I sat up immediately and started to remove the tape from around my feet.

I was free and I didn't waste a second standing up and running straight for the door. There was a set of stairs right as I opened the door and I walked up them as quickly and quietly as I could. I leaned against the door listening for any signs of life past it. I was free and I didn't want to risk being caught yet. I strained my ears and pursed my lips trying desperately to hear anything. After a few minutes of silence, I gripped the door knob and froze immediately as the door slightly creaked. I squeezed my eyes shut and waited…

…

…

…

Nothing, I let go of the breath I was holding and squeezed in between the door so I didn't make any more sounds. I took in my surroundings and it seemed that I was in an abandoned house. There were boards on the windows and dirt and garbage everywhere. It actually seemed that someone was actually staying here for at least a couple weeks. I slide across the wall until I could see the door. Just a few more steps and I could run and find help, any help. My heart raced and I could feel the sweat rolling down my back it was now or never. After a peak around the last corner, I ran as hard as I could towards the door. I ripped the door open and took just one step out the door. That's when I felt it, a crack as something hit face and the searing pain that ran up my body and I fell backwards into the house once more.

My eyes fluttered as I tried to fight to stay awake. A low moan escaped my lips and I rolled onto my stomach and tried to crawl onto my knees. I could faintly hear his taunting behind me but, my ears were ringing. It seemed like I had been trying to crawl away forever until his hand wrapped around my hair pulling my head back. I cried out in pain and tried to fight back. That was until he slammed my head into the floor. I barely made contact with the floor before I blacked out.

~~SOA~~

The next time that I woke up, I was once more bound. But, this time I was gagged and was in a different room. This one was furnished though and when I looked more closely at the scrubs pilled in the corner I came to the conclusion that I was in Tara's house. My head ached and as I looked down at myself I saw some blood on the white cardigan that I was wearing. I remembered that I had been hit in the head and I leaned back against the corner I was placed in. I felt sick to my stomach and I tried to swallow it down. I could hear the faint footsteps coming down the hall and soon enough the door opened and in stepped the agent. "Well, look who is awake? I don't think we have had a chance to be properly introduced my name is Josh."

I tried to tell him to go fuck himself but, it just came out muffled. He smiled and walked towards me. "Now, now. There is no need for that kind of attitude Chelsea."

He had a towel in his hands and he smiled at me as he came to kneel down beside me. He placed the cloth on my face and I pulled my face away with a glare in his direction. He scoffed and grabbed my face, making me look at him, "See if you weren't in this life, this wouldn't be happening to you either. What's so appealing about him anyways? If this is what it takes for you and Tara to see that, then so be it. Now, let me clean that cut." He told me

I wasn't about to let some mental case touch me and I kicked out my bound feet and I hit him in the knee. He jumped away from me and everything went dead silent. I wasn't going to back down to this asshole even if it meant my life. A terrifying chuckle came from him and I glared at him. He reached behind him and pulled out a gun that was tucked into his belt. "You know I was going to save you with Tara but, it seems that you don't want to be saved." He told me

He cocked the gun and pointed it directly at me. I didn't move and I continued to stare at him. I had no idea if it was from fear or if I really was that rebellious at this moment in time. Just as his finger slide to the trigger we heard the front door opened and his smile seemed to grow bigger. "Finally!"

We could hear some muffled talk before the front door closed again. I didn't want to think who was there, yes I wanted to be saved but, I was scared to find out that Jax was now in her house and not just in her arms. Josh quietly left the room and I waited until the door opened again and Tara walked in. She looked at me shocked until I started to shake my head at her and cry for her to run through my gag. She knew something was wrong and she turned to scream, "No, Jax!"

Josh came running in and grabbed her mouth, taking her to ground on the other side of the bed. I couldn't see anything all I could hear was Josh shushing her and Tara crying out for Jax. "Good-bye Mr. Crow." Josh mumbled

Tara continued to scream and eventually I heard a thump and Tara stopped screaming, "No screaming, you understand?" Josh asked

I could hear Tara breathing harder and I started to struggle against my binds. "You're hurting me, you're hurting her to." Tara said

"I'm sorry and forget about her for right now, it's just you and me. I'm sorry I had to do it this way Tara but, I just needed five minutes and I knew there was no other way."

"You're in a lot of trouble Josh, please just leave."

I watched him pull Tara up onto the bed and Tara raised her hands in defense. "Five minutes— "Josh pleaded

"I won't say anything, she won't— "Tara interrupted

"I need five goddamn minutes!" Josh yelled no longer trying to be calm with her

He turned around and slammed the door, "Okay, sure five minutes."

"Let's start over okay?" Josh asked as if this wasn't a big deal. Like he did just assault and kidnap me and her. He pulled up a chair and sat on either side of her legs and grabbed her hands that were up in the air, "Thank you for giving me this chance. I know that my behavior has been less than chivalrous, and I apologize for that. Sometimes love, passion, inspires a man's baser instincts. He does things he's not proud of. I'm sorry for those things. I never meant to scare you but the restraining order, come on? That was so out of the blue. And it made me feel like some kind of psycho."

"Sorry."

I snorted at his statement, what a load of horseshit. He sent a warning look my way and looked back at Tara. "I heard you uh, talking to Teller out there. Sounded kind of intimate, intimate in a way that Chelsea must feel crushed to know, considering she loves him so much. You and him that can never happen you know that. Not just because of her but because I won't let it happen. To either of you, if I can help it. You know that's all wrong don't you? It's okay, water under the bridge. All that matters, is this moment right now. You and me Tara. We have the chance to put it all on the table, work it out, and build the foundation that this relationship needs."

Tara nodded her head, not so much in agreement but, to give him the answers he wanted. "Yes, right." Tara said with her head down.

Josh slapped her knees and stood up sitting beside her, "Why don't you – why don't you start."

Tara looked over at him with a blank face, she had no idea what to say. I needed to spare her a few moments to think, to come out of the shock she no doubt was in. I started to make more sounds and try to speak through my gag. Josh rolled his head in annoyance and turned towards me. "Would you just shut up! Can't you see I'm trying to fix things here!" He shouted at me, turning completely towards me

Tara looked at me shocked until she realized what I had done. As Josh was staring at me fuming I watched as Tara's eyes kept moving to the nightstand beside me. She looked like she was telling me that something was there. Once Josh turned around to face her again I took the opportunity to look where she was. She had a small switch blade tucked away in the bottom. I just needed to be careful of the sounds I made. Hopefully with Tara's help I could cut the tape once more and help her. "Okay, I guess I should talk about um…what do you want me to-"Tara started to ask

"No, oh sweetie, this is about what you want. This is your opportunity to clear the air, tell me everything that you think doesn't work in our relationship. Be straight with me, brutally honest." Josh told her

While they were discussing this I placed my hands under me and pushed myself up a little so I could slowly move in front of the nightstand.

"Okay, um I guess you know…I was concerned. Back in Chicago you were very…possessive."

"Yes that's true. Yes." Josh said in a rush.

I tried to focus bending my arms back as far as I could so my fingers could reach it. I could feel it on the tips of my fingers and I started to swing my fingers out in hopes of wiggling it out of the place it was wedged in.

"And I-I-I got-"

"Frightened. I know. Sometimes my energy can be very big. I'm an intense guy and I-I-I own that."

Just a little bit more.

"Yes right, I got frightened. That's why I filed the restraining order."

"But, you know now that there was nothing to be afraid of right? You just uh, you weren't used to being loved so deeply."

I saw Tara's eyes dart towards me for a moment before coming back to Josh. I started to flip my fingers against the blade pushing it farther and farther out. When I looked back at the Josh had tried making a move on Tara to kiss her and the panic set in and she pulled away. Josh laughed.

"Its okay Tar-Tar, my little worry wart. Is there anything else you – you need to tell me? Get off your conscience?"

I could finally grab it with my hands. Finally!

Tara didn't reply and I was scared to move. Did he notice me?

"Our baby?" Josh pressed on, "You don't want to mention that?"

"I-I had an abortion at six weeks. It was never a baby."

I could see Josh tense up and I pushed myself up once again and moved back to my original place. Just in time as Josh stood up to look at both of us. "That's right you had an abortion. Didn't bother to ask me how I felt about it. Do you understand that? Do you think that was fair of her?"

Tara didn't look back at me as Josh asked me this. I didn't want to answer. I knew why she would have done something like that and it was her choice. Whether or not I would have done the same thing I wouldn't know because I hadn't gone through it. So instead I just opted to look at the ground. "It was my baby to-" Josh continued

"It was never a baby!" Tara shouted

Josh became enraged at this and slapped Tara hard across the face. I watched helplessly feeling completely unable to do anything. Hell even as I tried to cut away at the tape when Josh wasn't watching, I had no idea what I was going to do when I was free. "You never gave him a chance!" Josh shouted back, "Chelsea gave Tellers son a chance why couldn't you!"

As soon as I heard him bring up my daughter (whether or not he got the gender wrong) I was becoming angry. Not only did he know about parts of my past he knew about her. He had no right to talk about her, not through his mouth. "

Tara tried to run but, Josh ran after her and threw her into the door knocking her out. He picked her up and carried her to the bed. Once he had her laid down he started to remove his shoes. "I know in my heart this is the right thing to do. What I feel for you is its deep," Josh said trying to justify his actions like a typical stalker. He walked over to the I pod dock and started to scroll through for a song, "Its – its god given. This is our chance for a fresh start to do it right this time," this time he walked back over towards where I was and started to strip his gun and clothes. I watched as he placed his gun on the nightstand. I needed to get to that, "Let me – let me give you that gift."

Josh crawled onto Tara who was just starting to come through and he looked over at me, "You might want to close your eyes."

Then he bent over her and ripped her blouse apart, Tara started to panic, "No wait! Josh wait! Please! Please not this way. Its – It's a fresh start. Um, make love to me. Gentle like I know you can. Please baby. I know you don't want to hurt me. I know you don't. I know you love me."

"I do love you."

I could see the tears rolling down Tara's face. "Then love me."

They kissed for a moment or rather Josh kissed her. Hold on Tara I'm almost through. "I'm sorry I don't want to hurt you. I just…I'm in so much pain when I think of you. Do you have any idea how this feels?"

"I know, I know babe. But, I'm with you now right? Its just you and me hm? Joshy and Tar-Tar? Together."

I felt the tape break and I tried to be as quiet as I could to take it off. They were back to kissing and I took the opportunity to cut the tape around my legs. In that moment it was now or never. I had no idea if what I was doing was smart or if I could even do it. But, if I didn't try then I was a coward and would never forgive myself if I lived through the night. I pushed up quickly and before Josh could react I grabbed his gun and pointed it at him. I pulled the gag out of my mouth and stared hard down at him. "Get off her." I instructed

Josh rose his hands but, didn't move, "Chelsea you-"

"I said get the fuck off her before I shoot a fucking hole through your head!" I shouted at him

He jumped slightly and moved. Tara tried to move away from him and in his last attempt tried to reach out for the gun in my hand….I didn't mean to shoot, hell I didn't mean to shoot him where I did…All I could hear was Tara's screams and the ringing in the ears from the gun. Blood splattered across the wall and his lifeless body tumbled backwards into the wall. Tara started to cry and for a while all I could do was stand there with the gun in my hand still pointed at where Josh stood. I wasn't sure how much time passed before Tara grabbed the gun out of my hand. She seemed hesitant but, I dragged my eyes away from the wall and released the gun to her. I swallowed the lump in my throat and croaked out, "Call Jax."

I started to walk towards the door when Tara asked, "Wouldn't you want to-"

I stopped at the door and looked behind me, "No. You."

That's all I said before I walked out to the living room and sat down on the couch. I pulled my legs up to my chest and stared at the floor.


	14. Immediate read

Unfortunately I will be closing this account due to the issues I have been having signing into my account and posting updates/new stories. I will be opening a new account within the week. So, look for my stories. I will be using the user name MadHatterLove7011. I apologize for any readers I will loose this way, this is not my intention. Anyone who would like me to personally message them with the new profile so they can have it, you have a week to either review this with your username or message me. Thank you for understanding.


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